Facing my prickly fears

Finally… I decided to pluck up the courage to make an attempt at blood donation. I had been afraid of needles almost all my life. I mean, why should anyone love to be pricked & poked? Isn’t it a painful experience? Not that I don’t think so after my successful blood donation today, but this experience was indeed a good one.

Rebecca & I met to go to the Health & Science Authority (HSA) building at Outram Park. This building used to be called the ‘Blood Bank’. But the name was changed over time as perhaps it seemed to sound intimidating to those who may be considering blood donation.

On the MRT journey there, I suddenly had a stomachache. I’m not sure whether it was because I was afraid or maybe my breakfast at Bedok Interchange hawker centre wasn’t very clean. Whichever it is, or even a combination of both, I was glad to ease myself at the toilet before I went for my blood donation. It definitely wasn’t worth getting myself any more uncomfortable than I already am.

Rebecca filled up the consent form very quickly, whereas I was very cautious about reading through before completing it. Oh well, she’s a regular blood donor. She submitted her consent form first & I put in my form much later. In fact, I was still reading & filling up my consent form when she came back after the doctor’s check-up. Can’t believe that I was so slow… but then again, what’s the hurry? Its not as if the nurses will stop me from donating blood when I have already submitted the consent form.

The chair that we were given to fill up the form looked like those chairs that I had when I was taking my secondary school examinations. It was interesting & refreshing to see these small tables with an even smaller attached table, after so many years. I talked to Rebecca a bit, before she suddenly brought up the shocking reality that there was going to be TWO injections! TWO?! All these while, I had the impression that it was only going to be one! That’s it… it shocked my mind & heart… but I did my best so steel myself & carried on filling the form.

Rebecca told me that she thinks I’m very brave. Not that this statement helped to make me feel any better, but at least… well… there was some good to come out of this suffering.

After my doctor’s check-up, I came back to my seat & we proceed to queue up to check our hemoglobin blood count. Rebecca failed this check (not surprisingly, though I didn’t cross my mind). Mine sank straight to the bottom of the container with blue liquid. Amazing! It was so cool just watching it sink & hit the bottom. Yeehaa! =)

Rebecca was suddenly disappointed. But then I realized – that I would be going into the blood transfusion room alone! OH! What have I got myself into? It was so sad… & at the same time frightening. I had wanted to go in with her, so at least I could look & talk to her, while trying to distract myself from this long-lasting fearful experience. I told Rebecca to pray for me & soon, the nurse called my name. In my heart, I thought to myself – this is it… I’m gone…

I was hesitant about going into the room. Worse still, alone. After stepping through the door, I had thoughts of just walking straight out & leave the building. I mean, what is this? I came for this & expected some company during this ordeal & now I’m left all alone? I’m like a sheep walking voluntarily to the slaughter!

My mind was quite a blank, as I walked slowly to a big cushioned chair ushered to me. I told the nurse that I wanted to do it on my left hand. I got myself seated, but my heart was thumping. No joke… it was. As I waited for the nurse to attend to me, I really felt like a lamb waiting to be slaughtered. But this ‘lamb’ walked into the ‘slaughter house’ voluntarily.

So there I lay, waiting & waiting… My right palm began to sweat & it was really starting to feel moist. I can’t believe this is happening. I tried to think back to those times when I went to a hospital & prepared for an operation… all the while trying to use these thoughts to console myself.

In the end, the nurse finally came. Oh man, I’m gone… gone… I asked her in Mandarin whether it’s painful & she laughed. She told me that if I’m afraid, then I don’t have to look. It didn’t help when I saw the plump lady to my left smiling to herself… & I’m sure she was quietly laughing at me. Oh dear, what embarrassment! I was definitely the most tensed blood donor in the room. Everyone else was relaxing, talking & some just waiting for everything to be over. And there I was, head tilted forward, shoulders tensed, eyes afraid… until that same nurse walked over & tried to coax me into leaning backwards to rest my neck. I really felt like a chicken there…

First, the nurse applied this yellowish liquid around the targeted skin surface area. Next, she gave me the injection to numb my vein. I winched inside my heart when it poked into my vein & squirmed in my body as she depressed the syringe, allowing the liquid to flow into my vein. In a few seconds, it was over… but I knew that the worse has yet to come. She was going to inject another bigger needle. And the needle was going to stay there for 5 – 10 minutes. I really didn’t want to think about it. I felt like a poultry that was about to die… Thinking back, I wonder if I’m now better able to identify with poultry. Hmm…

This is it. The nurse came over with a larger needle, attached the empty packet of blood & this time, I really closed my eyes & looked away. Honestly, I didn’t know how my facial expression looked like, but it wasn’t as if I cared at that point of time. In it went… & a sense of relieve overtook me. The needle was in!

I was told to occasionally clench this rubber ball that was held in my left palm. It was scary to see my blood just flowing & flowing into the previously empty packet. It was filling up… quite fast, in fact. I wondered if I should clench the rubber ball, but then I decided not to. I figured that with my blood pressure at that point of time, I don’t think I needed to induce anymore pressure to make my precious life blood flow out any faster.

The nurse occasionally came over to ask how I was feeling & I think that by now, some of the nurses would have seen my ‘frozen with fear’ facial expression. I tried to read the pamphlets that had been passed to me & wished that it would all be over soon, as my heart has not stopped cringing ever since I stepped in. As usual, that plump lady to my left was smiling to herself. Sometimes she looked at me, sometimes she just smiled to herself. What the heck? Rejoicing at my suffering? Huh! I bet that there is something that she’s afraid of in life…

After 5 – 10 minutes, it was over. Another nurse came to ask how I’m feeling & began cutting off the small connecting hose between the needle & the packet of blood. I thought it was over. No no no… I was wrong! She took out FOUR test-tube looking containers & told me that she was going to draw more blood for FOUR other tests! FOUR?! Hello! You are going to take more blood?!

Not like I had a choice, so I just resigned to my fate & let her collect more blood. I tried to feel my blood leaving my body, but I couldn’t really feel it. But what the heck? It WAS flowing out of my body. My life blood was draining away. I just sat there & looked at the ‘vampire’ nurse draining away more blood. It was quite a sad moment…

Finally! I was left alone to apply pressure on the fresh hole created by HSA’s big needle. Thank God that there was ‘whatever that chemical’ to numb the pain. If not, I would really walk out of the room. It was a big needle, no joke.

So I pressed & pressed the open wound, till one of the nurses came to wrap up that area with a purple colored pressure tape, which was meant to hold the cotton wire gauze in place for the next hour or so. It looked cute, with smiley faces on it. The best thing – it was reusable, or so as Rebecca had told me.

I walked out beaming like a champion. I have survived the ordeal. It was the feeling like a Prisoner Of War (POW) returning to their homeland. Nay, maybe it wasn’t that extreme, but it was quite an exhilarating feeling, though as usual, I did my best to mask it & walked calmly towards Rebecca. I was thankful that she was praying for me, though I’m not sure if I liked the part where she was imagining me screaming, shouting & rushing about in the room. Huh… =)

My generosity & care for my GF took over. We walked over to have some refreshment. I asked the young chap (who was tending the stall) about what I could exchange my coupon for. He told me that I was entitled to one drink & either a pastry (only left one doughnut) or a cheese sandwich. Rebecca wanted a hot Milo & cheese sandwich, so I got these for her.

As we sat down at one of the tables, apparently I realized that the experience was still fresh in my mind. It also seemed like I was functioning on adrenalin which hasn’t subsided yet. Even the jeans material at the back of my knee caps was a bit wet. Apparently, I didn’t just sweat at my right hand.

Both of us were shocked to see 1WO Tan Wee Seng’s photo on one of the posters advertising for blood donation. I saw that familiar face first then told Rebecca. I even took a photo of it with my handphone camera.

So this is a brief account of my experience of donating blood. I’m not sure if I would go back again, but who knows… maybe I would…