Ponder... ponder...

I have been pondering about a lot of things lately. Not that I have not been pondering about things often throughout my life... but recently, there is just so so so much to ponder about. Maybe I'm beginning to understand some of the struggles which students do not face while in school. Afterall, for most of them in Singapore, many come from quite well-to-do homes & their main bulk of the time is spent in things related to school, especially those in their tertiary studies. Many of us just study & study... till we graduate... though some work at temp jobs along the way. Yet for many, study is just one of our biggest headaches in life...

Right now, 9 months after I graduated from university, I'm still stuck at my temp job at StarHub. Not that the environment or the people are bad... Its just that there is quite a lack of perm job opportunities. I hope the recent interview that I went for at StarHub would be successful... coz I really need a perm job. Its 'digusting' that temp staff do not get paid on public holidays & MCs. Don't we need to eat, take bus & survive on those days too?

I've come to the point where I'm just so irritated at the word 'Temp staff'. It just pricks me when a perm or contract staff utters "My temps...." I mean, what the? Its like they are treating us as dispensable people! Almost no value! Just needed at the meantime! Its like we don't have any place or belonging with the company. Feels like I don't have an identity at work. How to motivate staff to work better for the company, when the company don't even recognise them?

Oh well, life is never meant to be fair. In fact, it was never meant to be so, ever since the beginning of mankind. Favour & blessing seems like a very vague issue about life. I can't seem to understand how these work, even in the Christian life... I have been a depressive state for some months now & I still can't get out of it. Just feel too weak & down to pull myself out... or nobody is really helping me out. Hopefully Rebecca can do it, coz I just can't right now. Too many questions, too much unhappiness, too much worries, too little money & almost no motivation. Add anymore & I really don't know how to take it already... God, please help me... If You can hear & feel the struggles in my heart & mind... please... thank You... Amen.