After National Day 2005...

It was the 10th August 2005; the day after National Day 2005. That day marked a turning point in my life with regards to my employment at StarHub Ltd.

To be honest, it’s not that I didn’t see this coming. Somehow I knew it could possibly happen; yet even if it did, I didn’t expect it to be so soon.

Looking back, I remember that I was grumbling & sulking to Rebecca at the playground near her home on the late evening of National Day. I recall that I was very unhappy with the stress of my job & my immediate supervisor – Gladys Thio Siew Gek. She has really been a terror at this point in my life.

I remember yelling out to God while sitting at the playground, telling Him to just let me leave the company, as I’m very tired of working in this job & especially under Gladys. And guess what? He did answer my prayer! Well, I wasn’t exactly praying, but I was just venting out my frustrations about my job. But God heard it.

The next day, when I came to the office & opened my email, I saw this Microsoft Outlook meeting invitation sent by Gladys, scheduled for the 3 – 4pm time slot at Triton meeting room. The title stated ‘Evaluation’ & the required attendees were I & Elaine Loh from HR. Wait… I stopped for awhile... I thought to myself, “HR? Why is HR suddenly in the picture?”

Then I realized. There can only be one agenda – evaluation of my probation. And with HR involved, Gladys was making this meeting official & it could only mean either I passed or failed. But from the looks of what she’s been saying & how she’s been treating me all these 5 months, it just didn’t make sense that she would confirm me. I mean, there might be a very, very, very slight possibility because I’m holding a very crucial role in StarHub as the Internal Account Manager. But my gut feeling told me that’s not it. Gladys isn’t going to confirm me.

My mind started to panic. I couldn’t really concentrate on doing my work properly. My mind was rapidly browsing through each & every corner of my brain, trying to speculate what kind of result it would be. I also noticed that Gladys didn’t look at me even once that entire morning, so I sensed that something was wrong. I was confused, tensed & at a lost of what to do. And I also didn’t know what Gladys would ask & say… or how I should compose myself & respond at the meeting. What’s more with HR around.

Ong Chee Keong (a fellow colleague & office CG member at Da Vinci) was sitting just a few office cubicles away from me. I quickly sent out an SMS to my office CG mates – Raymond Tan, Alvin Lee & Chee Keong. When the SMS was received, I noticed that Chee Keong suddenly straightened up at his desk (coz I could now see his head) & looked around. He looked stunned at the news.

In Chee Keong’s case, he made a few blunders regarding international switches, thus resulting in top management scrutinizing the cause of such costly mistakes. After a few instances of such mistakes, he was told to leave by his immediate supervisor Lynn. Another reason was also because the top management didn’t like him & found it too risky to allow him to handle these international switches, which caused downtime at customers’ end. My guess is also that his mistakes may have partly affected his department scorecard & nobody wanted to suffer a loss of individual bonus or promotion because of his errors.

But that’s the way the corporate business world works. Keep those who are valued & do away with those who are not contributing up to expectation.

Expectation is a scary word. Of course, expectation can be for the good or for the bad. Yet it has its consequences solely because Man made it out to be that way. I think many things in life are caused by Man’s own making. Something good bestowed by God may be used for the detriment of someone else.

For example, females are given keener senses than men. Females are thus better able to understand & read people better than men. With this added ability, females are supposed to be better able to handle interpersonal relationships with people, further adding on the fact that females are also more relational than men.

However, it is sad that I have begun to see the ugliness of female behavior in the workplace. Do not quote me on this, but I began to suspect that quite a large portion of office politics begin with females. Being chatty & relational is good, yet the nature of comments & criticism made may bring about indirect & quietly unseen consequences to people or the culture of the department.

It is even sadder to hear female colleagues & church members telling me that they would rather work with men because men are more objective, open & straightforward. That’s so sad! Why have females become this way? That’s like one of the most ultimate example of misusing what God has given to them.

My department consists of all females, with me being the only male. That’s already scary enough for me, without even considering the nature of the females in my department.

My supervisor Gladys is a quick-tempered, highly objective & domineering woman. She demands her way of doing things & ever-ready to spring a remark on something or someone (mostly on me). In short, she’s a tyrant to all those working under her.

Serena Ong is diplomatic, resourceful & quick-thinking, after being exposed to a year or two of overseas study at Australia. She’s good at numbers & is the kind who can add jokes & spark in a group setting.

Chai Poh Lin is a bit more reserved, yet easily irritated when she picks up the phone & found that the caller had put down at the same time. She laughs loudly when amused & keeps a lot of document records in hardcopy. She has the most files in the department, mostly bulging with paper. Most of the time, the office printer is full of her print-outs.

Lina Poon (a recently joined temp staff) can be self-assuming at times, rolling up her eyes when she makes her presumptions about people & things. Sometimes she is right, sometimes she’s not. She’s can be quite ‘bo-chup’ at times, obviously turned off by unfamiliar jargon. Just 2 - 3 weeks into the job & she can tell me that she don’t intend to stay on.

All 4 females have their distinct personality & it’s not easy for a guy like me to respond acceptably to their ways. Yet these personalities are not the worse that I have seen so far in StarHub.

Chee Keong’s case aside, I can say that I’m not exactly welcomed & well-liked in my department. Firstly, it’s because it’s an all female working environment (what do you expect – admin work) & girls have their own kind of talk & way of talk.

I remember one time when we went for lunch at Jack’s Place at Parkway Parade. Like every rare occasion of lunch together, it was very awkward for everyone to start a conversation going. Somehow the conversion wondered off to hobbies & interests of each person.

Gladys likes traveling; Serena likes traveling & shopping; Poh Lin likes costume jewellery & shopping. At that time, Lina has not joined us yet. While each was sharing, the others had things to share about that person’s interests & likings. However, when it came to my turn, I started off by saying that I liked mountain climbing (at that time, I had just recently returned from Mt KK). And that brought silence to the group. They didn’t know what to say… & I didn’t know what else to say too. It was terribly awkward.

Anyway, Gladys hasn’t been satisfied with my performance all these 5 months. I have worked very conscientiously & diligently every day; working overtime 3 out of the 5 working days each week. I have worked & stayed till as late as 8:45pm & most of the time when I leave, there’s only a handful of people left working on that entire floor.

Despite several weekly one-to-one meetings with her, I still find her expectations & the demands of my job too overwhelming. The drastic change from mobile to network was honestly enough difficulty for me to pick up. Plus my upper-study Celia Liu didn’t exactly teach me much, except how to fill up application forms. Furthermore, all these technical jargon was absolute ‘Greek’ to me & I had to ask & figure out many, many things on my own.

To be honest, time is necessary to pick up all these things. Often it’s also not that I’m slow, but the role of Internal AM is just too occupied with too many things! All sorts of departments in StarHub come to me to get work done. I have only 2 hands, 1 body & 1 brain. There’s only so much that I can do within that 8.5 hours at work. Of which, often I work an average of 9 – 10 hrs a day; sometimes 11 hrs. And it’s saddening to see 85% of the staff going home at 5:30pm sharp.

I believe that this role would be better managed if there were more than 1 person handling it. As it is, the external AMs handle their customers, sales & enquiries, leaving the business support staff to handle the provisioning process. I’m the only internal AM & I have to do BOTH roles. It’s just not feasible. Work will never be finished & being only a 1-man team would only further delay other internal requests.

I believe Gladys understands this situation, but she’s stubbornly insisting on me meeting her tip-top expectations regarding all my duties in this role. Even after 5 months, I just couldn’t handle it all. And mind you, her expectation means a turn-around time of 24 hrs. That’s 1 day response time. Not to forget that my face-to-face enquiries, emails, faxes & calls come in continuously throughout the day. There is no cut-off time. Even when I’m not in the office during the weekends, these things still keep coming in. Thus explaining why Monday & Friday are my busiest days.

Since I couldn’t meet Gladys’ expectation, she decided that she didn’t want me around anymore. This explains the meeting with HR.

When I entered the meeting room, Elaine’s face was sunken. I knew from that observation that it’s not going to be a successful probation. Up till today, I still can’t figure out how the senior HR executive could look even more downcast than me. Thankfully, I was prepared for the outcome, as I already guessed it.

As usual, Gladys went straight to the point. She began with a silly opening question of how I think I’m coping with my job. Duh… does it matter what I think, since she already decided? Bo3 Liao2…

I said that I’m coping alright. At that moment, Gladys jumped in & blasted off her few sentences that she didn’t think that I’m doing alright. She said that my best is not enough & I’m not able to meet the requirements of this job. FINE… you have said this before. Nothing new…

I still can’t imagine how fast the meeting ended… & how short & sweet Gladys concluded the whole thing. After these words, she just jumped straight into the main climax & told me that she has decided to ask me to leave. She instructed me to tender my resignation by the next day & clear out 2 weeks from tomorrow (which is 24th August 2005).

Up till then, Elaine did not say a word, but just kept her head bowed down. I was shocked. I knew that it would be this outcome, but I never expected everything to be blasted off by Gladys. Why is she commanding all these instructions?

I was especially pissed that she demanded my resignation letter immediately the next day. What’s the hurry? Too eager for me to leave? Elaine began telling me the standard procedure of employee clearance. And that was it. The meeting was all over in 10 minutes! I was stunned. That fast. Gladys really wanted me to leave & she meant it.

When Elaine asked if I had any last questions, I asked if it’s possible to request for an internal transfer. Her reply was that it’s too short a time & it won’t be possible. In my mind I was thinking – why not? Even Chee Keong had a chance to apply for a few positions within StarHub, even though his interviews weren’t successful in the end. But at least he was given a chance to try. Why can’t I?

All these thoughts raced in my mind within that few seconds. But I decided not to pursue this matter, since both are not keen on helping me in any way. Staying on in this company with such people wouldn’t be of any benefit to me anyway. Better still that I left. And leave I will. So I thanked Elaine & quietly walked out of the room. My heart didn’t cringe when I left the room, as I felt pointless to stay on.

I went home that night feeling quite depressed. I really did put in my best effort in my job… but there’s only so much that one person can do. Let Gladys find her star employee then. I’ll just serve my remaining duration & leave the company.

My office CG mates were stunned at the news. Chee Keong told me that StarHub has just lost another good employee; and a Christian too. But it was Gladys’ choice, not mine.

The next day, HR called me up to remind me to submit my resignation letter. I was pissed, but didn’t show it. I just told Elaine that I was very busy with my work at that moment & asked if I could submit at the end of the day. She insisted to know what time, so that got me really pissed, so I quickly put down the phone, typed a simple resignation letter, put into an envelope & put it on Gladys’ table.

My heart was saddened while I was typing that quick, short & sweet resignation letter. I had never typed a resignation letter before. Not when this is my first job, first probation & first resignation… all within a short time span of less than 6 months. And Gladys was smart. She made sure that my last day was the day before I went on my 2-day Telco course. She’s really sharp & determined to deter me from even that. What a calculative heart.

I still remember how my heart cringed again when I finally put the envelope on Gladys’ table. I didn’t even tell her. I just left it there. She saw it, glanced through, made a photocopy & went down to pass to HR. From then on, I tried to ignore her as much as I can.

Chee Keong had to leave one week before me. But the difference is that he was given a full 6 months before his eventual assessment. I only had 5 months before early termination of employment. He was given 2 weeks of free time (paid) during office hours to look for jobs before he left on the last day. I was slogging till my last day & even left after Gladys had gone home. Can you imagine? That was my last day!

Yup, during the last days at StarHub, I was still rushing many things at work. Most people would probably just ‘bo chup’ & let things screw up on its own. But I didn’t. Although I did leave earlier on the remaining days, I still worked OT on 1 or 2 of the days, plus my last day. I had many things to hand over & teach before I could leave. And finally I did.

It was sad to clear my desk & table of my belongings. I suddenly felt abandoned & unwanted in this company. I wondered if my department colleagues felt a sense of lost of seeing me go… or were they apprehensive because they had to cover my work, until Gladys employed someone to take over me. That lady better be a super high achiever, if not history would repeat itself.

Although I did leave Da Vinci building feeling uncertain & down, nevertheless, I know that I had left with the respect of those whom I have worked with. Of course, I would not have managed to please every single one of my internal customers. But every single one that I spoke to (before I left) told me that I was doing well & didn’t screw up their work. A few came up to me to wish me all the best & shook my hand. I didn’t see a single one of them who was eager to see me go. Not one of them. Not a single one.

I even told my department colleagues that they need to ask me something over the next few days, they could feel free to call or email me. Having known the difficulty of being the Internal AM, I also understand that there will be difficulty when they take over my duties… even though it’s shared among 3 colleagues.

I recalled that Raymond shook my hand 3 times & I could tell that he wished that I didn’t have to go. Alvin was quite alright, but Michael had a bit of this longing facial expression when he shook my hand before he left the office. I miss them… but it’s time for me to move on. I didn’t initiate this resignation. I was forced to, so I take it as a sign from God to move on.

I’ll just trust that He knows what’s best for me. I pray & hope that my next job would be better than this & also something that I enjoy & pays a decent reasonable salary for me to support myself, my parents & my future family… & at the same time, being able to give back to God & others.