Voice from my heart

I believe that our past molds our future. Biblically, I believe God uses our past experiences to mold a better future for us.

Even before I graduated, I have been wondering what kind of job I wanted to do as a career. I have tried several areas - outdoor sales, cashiering, surveying, academic research, data entry, customer service, corporate sales & my last job - account management.

Nothing seems to really fit, making me wonder why... why... why? Again, I must emphasize & give credit to my girlfriend Rebecca for enlightening me by pointing out that my ECAs in all my schools have some inclination towards sporting activities. And that shone bright light right into a career direction for me - the sports industry.

This was confirmed again today when I was watching Sylvester Stallion's 'The Contender' on AXN channel. It sparked up a motivation to watched Rocky II, which I had on VCD. So I decided to pick up disc 2 & began watching it.

I knew the story through & through, but each time I watch it, its never fails to stir up feelings within me. Today's experience was incredible...

While watching the show, I walked away for a brief moment to grab a drink from the fridge. I dunno why, but suddenly my thoughts swayed towards my concerns about my choice of career in the sports / fitness industry. Worries & anxiety began to flood my mind & heart, as I pondered whether I would get the job that I really love & how I would do in this area of work.

After a few seconds, I brushed the negative thoughts aside & prayed that God would help me get the job that its really suited for me. Then I told myself that I should give myself a chance first, coz without that, I would never know.

All these thoughts flew through my mind in that few matter of seconds as I poured a drink into my cup & walked back into the hall.

When I returned to my seat, the scene showed Rocky sitting beside Adrian (his wife, I dunno why the scriptwriter gave her a name that sounds more for a guy). Adrian had just awoken from a brief coma after giving birth prematurely to a baby boy. Rocky had sat there for nights on end, staying vigil, keeping watch, praying, resting & reading a book to her all these time. After visiting hours, he would just sit at the nearby church & reflect.

Rocky was overjoyed that Adrian came back from her coma. I still recall his words, "I knew you would come back..." The next scene protrayed everyone happily in the hospital ward & both Rocky & Adrian were gazing at their little boy.

Adrian looked at Rocky & said, "You look so tired. Why don't you go get some sleep." But Rocky replied, "No no, I feel great, I feel great. You know, I've been thinking, if you don't want me mixing around with Creed (his boxing opponent) no more, we'lll make up in some kinda way, you know."

Then Adrian looked at Rocky & said, "There's one thing I want you to do for me." Rocky said, "What's that?" Adrian stared into his eyes & said, "Win. Win!"

That word woke him up. His facial expression changed & he smiled quietly at her.

That support & encouragement was enough to get Rocky going. Over the next scenes, he trained very hard, day & night, many hours a day. His face was a look of focus, determination, to do his best & win. Of course, in life, nobody wins all the time & forever. But that's not the point. It is to win within your heart.

While I watched the training scenes go by, somehow, I really dunno why... but I began to cry. Not tear, cry. In the middle of the training scenes & tears began to flow down my cheeks. A few times I had to close my eyes & keep wiping my tears. The tears didn't stop.

In my mind, my thoughts were racing. Why? Why am I crying? Isn't this supposed to be a motivating scene? And I'm doing the opposite? I struggled to fight my tears, but they kept coming... & lasted the whole of the remaining half of the training scenes.

When it all cleared, I began to realise that Rocky had touched a very sensitive part of my heart. His character & personality has made an impression in my mind & heart, ever since my secondary school days. I even listened to the Rocky soundtracks to motivate myself to study! Thinking back, its really interesting.

I realised that all these while, this is why my heart really lies. It is this area of sports & fitness that really brings out the passion & fire within me. I may not be the best athletes around, but it doesn't mean that my interest cannot be there. Who knows, if God thinks its good for me, I may even get better!

My drive to train for Kota Kinabalu is a great example. From being one of the last in the expedition team (what's more with a history of knee ligament tear injury), I trained on my own (climbed HDB flats & even walked home from office with my heavy backpack), adding more load that anyone else in the whole team, bought glucosamine supplements & moved towards being the fastest trekker in the whole team! I even had fun taking photos of my team mates panting & struggling up the rock cliff at Bukit Timah Hill. *Laugh*... =)

I believe that sometimes in life, if we don't try, we will never know. Same thing as being a Christian. If we don't give ourselves a chance to believe, we will never know this wonderful saviour called Jesus Christ.