Wide Open Wonder

Renewing of wonder. This is something of importance that we as adults often forget. When the constant over-flowing of knowledge brings an end to wonder & when our perception of reality irrigates our heart with so much grief & sorrow that forget why we live.

This may sound philosophical, but it is not. For deep within our heart lies a longing unexplainable, yet constantly crying out to be fulfilled. Sometimes I would like to refer to wonder as something that makes us want to go on in life. It is this mystery that so dignifies the yearning of our soul, as we strive to bring blinding hope to ourselves & those around.

The happenings & revelations shining out to me, since last night, has been very assuring & compelling. A communion with God, just as it is written in God’s word… that it is He who seeks us & draws us to Him, just Jesus said in John 6:44 – “No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him, & I will raise him up at the last day.”

Ever since the cross-over to this New Year, I had been so frantic & worried about finding a job (not that that’s not important), that this has seemed & become like the ‘world’ to me. Although I continued to spend daily time with God, sometimes I still feel very grudging about why He is taking so long to give me a job that I have sent out hundreds of applications for.

Unaware, it was only today that I realized God’s intention to initiate a retreat like this. Not a retreat that I previously had in mind, about rest & recreation… but a retreat where He would begin working & renewing me from within.

God had chosen this period of time, when I’m most weak, aimless, listless, discouraged & jobless, owning nothing in my pocket… so that He can draw me to Him & commune with me. It is just so overwhelming. I just can't explain it.

Believe me, the way God personally communes with each of us, far exceeds the expectation, joy & realization that we would normally experience at a regular Sunday service with a whole congregation of believers. Why is it so powerful? Coz it is a very, very personal encounter with God.

Last night went something like this - Listened to a sermon, overwhelmed with revelation, typed Blog, had supper, slept, woke up, listened to the remainder of the sermon, ate breakfast, slept again, woke up, read a Christian book, God brought a song to mind, sang this worship song, cried a few times, before I ended up typing Blog once again, not willing to let moments & happenings like this just fade away into past memory, forgotten by the mind in the years to come.

If you ask me how an encounter with God is like, I would reply that it is such encounters like this, when we find ourselves overwhelmed with revelations, basking in the awesome presence of God & being sweep away in wonder of what He’s doing in your life.

I discovered the secret of continually communing & hearing from God - to keep renewing & renewing ourselves at every point of time each day.

The very moment we start to feel down, run back to Him. Be it through listening to audio sermons, reading Christian books, reflecting through Blog, singing worship songs, etc. And as we keep doing these to stay within this continuity with Him, we would begin to grasp a glimpse of wonder of Him.

God made this incident very practical to me, coz the very moment that I felt down because I'm out of job, He urged me to read a Christian book or listen to a sermon. It’s like He's saying, no matter what, don't get out of this 'circle' with Him.

Why do I call it a 'circle'? Coz this symbolizes continual activity revolving around Him. To stay renewed in the attitude of our mind. Once we step out into listlessness & unhappy distractions, quickly come back. Don't hesitate. Just run back. And I mean RUN back.

It's strange, sometimes I just find myself crying a bit, then stop, cry a bit, then stop, cry a bit, then stop, again & again. I just don’t know how to explain it. It’s like my heart so softens up until tears are being pushed out of my eyes. And then I find myself on my knees or just standing there praising God.

I still do not know when & where God would put me in my job, but I have begun to hear Him whispering that he's preparing my heart & mind.

It’s like He's working at renewing what's inside me, at the point where I'm completely poor, owning NOTHING & when it seems like to get a job seems like the 'world' to me, which I have not yet gotten.

But God says, "Patience, my child. I'm preparing what's inside." It’s just so wonderful to realize how much bigger a picture that He sees compared our feeble minds… =)