What’s After Work?

Today is my second day of work at SNEF. Challenging as it is, I still find it rather enjoyable & meaningful. Rapport is average within my small team of 4 guys & 1 girl… though I find it difficult to establish friendships beyond working relationships as colleagues.

Perhaps some may think that I may be over-expecting or over-reacting to this aspect about friendships at work, especially when it’s just two days in my new job. Yet, to a certain extent, I can sense that there are limitations to developing good friendships in my department… although I do hope I’m wrong…

Surprisingly, although I find it less complicated & more comfortable working in a team of mostly guys, I think there is some truth as to why females have a greater tendency to bond together than guys (provided they can click, of course), coz guys seem to very objective in getting information across & getting work done, without much real emphasis on the bonding factor.

I noticed this during lunch today, coz all the 4 guys (including me) were sitting together eating our lunch & there was almost nothing much to talk about. In the end, my supervisor started to talk about work & what we are going to do later in the afternoon, etc.

In some sense, I felt unhappy coz I do look forward to cultivating friendships, but apparently, being in the projects department, which comprises of nearly all guys, everyone is very objective & systematic in getting their portions of their projects done. Communication is largely regarding work issues, apart from my occasional “Eh, are you thirsty? I’m going to get a cup of water…” or “Do you want a sweet?”

My supervisor is quite a workaholic. I understand that time is tight, especially for him, but it’s scary just seeing my team of guys just walk right back to the office immediately after getting up from our lunch table. They don’t go anywhere else & just straight back to their desks! Scary! Not because I feel the pressure or stress to keep up with them (thought it’s important that I keep up, since we are working as a team), but it’s almost like his work is his life! He comes in early in the morning & goes home after everyone has left the office. Even though we are required to work on some Saturdays, he is at the office nearly every Saturday.

I guess, to some extent, I feel the pressure to stay on par with them… coz they are very good at their work & come from related job backgrounds. Yet, I’m not sure to what level of friendships can be established with them.

Anyway, I told them that I’m going to walk around by myself after lunch, coz I don’t feel comfortable sitting down with a full stomach. So I strolled around the nearby shopping centers, enjoying the air-con & appreciating the opportunity to take my eyes of my work & PC for the remaining 20 minutes of my lunch break.

The only lift (out of the three that were available) broke down when I came back to the office building, so I decided to walk up the stairs with this Indian man. It didn’t take much effort from me, coz it’s only 10 floors to my office, especially when I was walking up 300 floors during my training for Kota Kinabalu last year.

This Indian man was also going to the 10th floor, so we chatted on the way up. I found out that he was here to attend a seminar. At the 5th floor, he was sweating profusely & decided to visit the washroom… *Laugh*. I wasn’t even sweating… & it was only the 5th floor! See how spoilt Singaporeans can get nowadays?

Just after this Indian man went off to the toilet, another formally dressed Chinese man opened the door to the staircase on the 5th floor & started to walk up the stairs, following behind me. I eased into my standard pace, just like I did during my training for KK & maintained it at that relaxed speed, so that I can walk up stairs continuously for about 30 minutes to 1 hour non-stop, but at a regular pace.

I noticed at the corner of my eye that this Chinese man tried to keep up with my pace, maybe he was trying to overtake me or prove something. But after the 7th floor, he was lagging behind already… Hahahaha… & his pace got slower & slower… though he was still in sight behind me, coz the staircase is spiral.

When I opened the staircase door at the 10th floor, I decided to disturb him a bit by holding open the door for him… smiling as he walked towards me… then he smiled & turned… he was still going upstairs! He’s not coming to the 10th floor! Oh dear… I thought to myself… I didn’t know which floor he was going to, but I didn’t want to guess. But I’m glad that I wasn’t even huffing & puffing… & not having sweat at all. I mean, come on… it’s only 10 floors!

The rest of the afternoon went well… & as usual, I totally KO on the bus journey home, just like the day before. But I felt different while I was walking home this evening. I felt quite down… or listless, whichever it was. Suddenly I felt like I didn’t know what to do after coming home from work. It was a weird feeling, like I don’t have anything to look forward to, when I reached home. Maybe the usual routine of dinner, bath, check e-mail, type Blog, chat for a few minutes on the phone with Rebecca, then sleep.

Is there anything to look forward to, after coming home from work each day? I have yet to find out… It’s not that I love to stay at the office to do work, but just that when I’m focused on my work during the day, suddenly I feel lost at what to do which interests me at night… Of course, I’m thankful coz others have to work even longer hours than me. But why am I feeling this way? Hmm… Maybe it's because I feel lonely at home... & I miss being with Rebecca... yet I have also almost lost all enthusiasm to exercise regularly… I wonder why… what happened?