Perplexed Obstinacy

Everyone is brought up differently, faces different life experiences and develops his / her own styles and preferences. Bringing humans together in the workplace is never an easy task. We are all complex individuals and this influences our thought patterns and choices in everyday life.

The last 2 weeks has been a stressful time for the Projects Department, as my colleague has been frustrated about the tasks that we are tasked to do from one of the ministries. This has resulted in a lot of pent-up stress and unhappiness in him, which has begun to gradually pour out on the other colleagues, especially with those from the Membership Relations (MR) Dept.

Conflict management is an important skill that is good to learn. This is especially so since I am tasked with the responsibility of supervising him. But sometimes it can be difficult to give instructions and expect compliance when the person tends to have a mind of his own. He is more creative than me, but his level of haste and intensity at work is very much higher than mine. That could be a good thing, yet it may sometimes get him into trouble.

In my past encounters with him, there were several unhappy incidents. For example, he said that he had never used a digital camera before, yet was closed-up, judgmental and criticized that digital cameras are worse of than film cameras. What nonsense is that? Of course both has its advantages and disadvantages, but how could he just judge things without even testing it out for himself? Such rash remarks can offend people!

There was also another time when he was tasked to tabulate some information in an Excel spreadsheet. I checked and was shocked to realize that the ‘total’ was incorrect by over 400, so I told him… only to hear his voice boom at me, saying “You saying that I cannot count, is it?!”

When I told him that I calculated based on the Excel formula, he immediately retorted that I am wrong and the PC formula cannot be trusted! That made my blood boil as I have been using the formula for years, be it for my school projects or in my previous jobs… and it has never failed me once, unless the data was keyed in wrongly!

So he took out his calculator to manually count and indeed it was wrong! Out of kindness, I asked if he learnt how to use Excel formula at NUS and he remarked that he did not learn that in NUS. Then he manually counted again and the total sum that he got was different from both previous figures! He was obviously pressing the calculator incorrectly!

When I told him not to waste time and just use the Excel formula, he got angry and refused. When he finally realized that his manual calculation was indeed wrong, he still raised his voice and said, “You don’t have to say so loud. You want everyone to hear and embarrass me, is it?!” I got so mad by his words that I nearly wanted to give him a tight slap across his face! But I didn’t, though my blood was boiling above 100 degree Celsius.

He just doesn’t want or know how to take correction positively. Instead, he would rather raise his voice back at me, or throw tantrums at his desk when the other dept colleagues ‘seem’ to treat him unfairly in work related matters. In addition, there were instances where he also fought with me for good potential companies. Even when I was nice to offer him a choice of his companies, he would choose those with most potential and leave those not so good ones to me. I have never seen such selfishness in my life! Competitive as this world is, this is indeed ugly behavior to me! Really speaks of the character and security of the individual.

There was once when a colleague from another dept came over to point out one of his mistakes that annoyed another company, he jumped right into the fray and defended himself, giving all sorts of possible reasons for his mistake. I could see that that colleague was trying to be diplomatic and patient with him, but after I came back from the toilet, he was still arguing about this with that colleague. Sigh!

At his moments of stress and frustration, he also used the ‘F’ word a few times. It didn’t bother me much, coming from the Army before, but I was not impressed by his lack of control over himself and ignorant attitude towards others. And there has been several occasions of his conflict with fellow colleagues already.

Seriously, over the past 2 weeks, I have had 2 bad dreams about Steven kicking up a fuss with my dept colleagues and going against my instructions at work. Never before had I had 2 bad dreams of any colleague before in my 2 years of work! But Steven ‘succeeded’ in making it happen. Sigh…

How do I supervise and work as a team with someone who is easily agitated, provoked, highly strung and stubborn at the same time? My personality generally takes a relatively calm and soft approach relating with individuals. This can be good and bad, depending on the situation and people involved. I am not trained in psychology, counseling or conflict management skills, but I am keen to learn.

For me, I find myself more easy-going, sensitive and friendly towards those around me, be it colleagues or external corresponding parties. I am not so much of an ambitious person who lived for the thrill and challenge every day of my life. Rather, I find that it is more important to be happy and find fulfillment in what I do, than to constantly chase after achievements and beating others down.

To me, the attributes and character of an individual is more important than his ability to achieve goals. Having a group of elite thieves may bring in lots of money, but you never know when their craftiness may backfire on you. Besides, dependence on character would have a much higher chance of standing the test of time, as compared to achievements.

Thinking about it, I find that I am not a very intensive person (I used to be), but as I grew older, I found that it is more important to be calm and steady in a situation, giving careful thought than just rush around doing so many things and making a mess out of carelessness. There’s more to life than just rushing around and overworking ourselves, only to get illness emerging in our bodies when we are older (sometimes when we are young too).

Nevertheless, I am thankful to be given the opportunity to learn so much in this job. I definitely feel happier than I was in my previous job! Of coz, every job still has it toils, but I really hope all these will be well learnt and worth it in the end.