Nobody is Simple...

I used to think that there is a small minority of people who are simple... simple people, I would call them... and I thought so of myself too. An analogy which I recently referred myself as is a farmer who tends to his field of crops... happy and satisfied with what he has... not looking for the thrills and spills of the hustle and bustle of city life.

Well, in a way, I still think of myself as such... or maybe I should say that I am TRYING to think of myself as such a typical happy and contented farmer. But even a farmer has his bad days and sometimes things do go wrong in life... and we are living in an imperfect world... with people constantly trying to make it even more imperfect than it already is.

Sometimes its good to spend time in reflection. Strangely, tonight I did... even in the midst of all the noise that was going on in the MRT, in the bus... and even while the water pours down from the shower and hits the tiles inside the bathroom... I did manage to reflect quite a bit...

I realised that there is actually no simple person at all, because life doesn't make us such a person... and since birth, we are bombarded with rapid and ongoing changes and experiences. As such, no one person is ever the same, not even twins. I came to the realisation that we can strive to live a simple life, but one cannot be simple coz we are not, in the first place. Since the Fall of Man in the Garden of Eden, we have been plagued with knowledge of good and evil. There is no denying it. Even religious and morally upright people commit sin, knowingly and unknowingly.

Ok, its time to accept it. There is no such thing as a simple person. No matter how simple we try to think and try to behave, there is always bound to be something that irritates us, tempts us, etc. But still, it doesn't mean that we can't or shouldn't strive to live simply, so that others may simply live. Deep statement... but well, it is... and I am still trying to grapple with this even now.

I am in my 3rd year of work... and I have begun to see and hear a lot more about people in life. Its scary that I can be so caught up in this confusion and still be a little sensitive to my wrong doings. I am thankful... time and time again, I would pray and ask God for forgiveness... and help me to go through my life in this complex world around me.

What particularly affects and stumbles me, is that I have been discovering more and more Christians and Catholics behaving in ways which are not reflective of the faith that they say that they believe in. In fact, sometimes I wonder what kind of faith do believers nowadays subscribe to, or how they would actually define living by faith. Or is having faith alone enough, without obedience and submission to God's word? I find that obedience and submission is so lacking in today's world... and I myself struggle with it too. Rebellion is the word to sum it up, I guess.

I know of people who say that they are Christians or Catholics... OR that they go to church... but their behaviour does not reflect the transformation work of God in their lives. I struggle with that myself too... but deep inside, I want to be renewed by Christ. But what about them? Many live by what's the modern trend or defend their behaviour because they had a particularly bad experience in the past, so its justified that they live this way.

I hear of Christians who look lustfully at women, co-habit with their BF/GF, flirt in the office, deny the sacredness of marriage, talk dirty jokes, make fun at Holy Communion, obsessed over finding satisfaction from climbing the corporate ladder, getting hooked on communicating via modern-day technology until they constantly are alert to work, incoming e-mails and SMSes as serious as 24 hours, 7 days a week! What about the Sabbath? What about ministry? What about Quiet Time with God?

When I share with people, it feels so odd when I say that I do not intentionally plan to advance my career. I say that I try to do my best where I am, and if God blesses me if an opportunity to progress, I thank Him and continue to do my best. Now this can sound naive or strange to some people! They spend hours planning, strategizing, thinking, networking, etc... so as to chart out a plan for their career path.

Well, that's okay and nothing wrong. Its good to know where we are headed and prepare for it. But is that all there is? Planning and strategizing how to get promoted in their career? What about marriage? Family? Friends? Church? Ministry? Reflection on goals and priorities? Oh dear, I am sounding so ideal... but I really feel that these are important in life... not just work alone. Its not good to get so carried away!

Aiyoh... if so many Christians are like that (not uncommon, seriously)... how to change the world? How to be instruments for God to use? I struggle with this too, but I still ask God to help me... and I still want (deep down inside) to be useful to do His work...

I guess for some of these people, they really do live to work... while others like myself, work to live... and earn a decent income to give my best to my wife and children. It is my responsibility as the head of the household and I still haven't given up my personal aspiration to be the best Dad that I can be, for my children... oh, and of course, a good husband to my wife too. Its so strange, huh... to want such things... so many people just don't understand... and I feel so lost and misunderstood at times... oh dear... that's why its so important to set our feet on the firm foundation of Christ... but its so trying... and I am really struggling... but I haven't given up yet...