Without A Supernatural Voice

This morning, I went for an interview at TMC Int’l Holdings Ltd. It was the longest & most monotonous interview that I had ever experienced before. It took a total of 2 & ½ hours & in the end leaving me walking out discouraged & depressed.

As usual, I was told to fill up this notoriously long 4 page application form. It was boring as it has always been for me, considering that I have applying for jobs for the past 3 months. But that wasn’t the problem.

Upon completing that application form, I was then directed to sit at this PC terminal where I had to answer type out my answers to two subjective questions. Suddenly I felt like I was about to take an examination of open-ended questions. The first question asked me to comment about the company’s policy that requires every staff to commit to at least one year in the company. The second question asked me to state how I can contribute to the growth of the company.

Although these were not terribly difficult questions, I felt odd at this academic approach of screening prospective candidates. I mean, it is not an IQ test or survey, so why can’t the interviewer just ask me directly? But nevermind, I did it anyway.

After that, I was told to type a draft letter to a student who had just applied for a bachelor degree program at this school, assuming myself as the course coordinator. I understood the practicality of this approach, but isn’t this normally a standard letter format pre-designed & re-used by a typical school administrative department? It doesn’t have to be any fancy or specially designed & I’m sure the school already has a standard letter format, so why not just use it?

All these took me from 9:15am till 10:30am. By then, I was tired out from thinking & staring into this PC monitor that hanged the first time I tried to save my MS Word document. The MS Word program that I was using was cranky too. Anyhow underline my words in red & call it spelling error, when it is not.

Finally, I was told to sit in this old run-down tutorial room to wait for the manager to come down & interview me. The place was very run down, with the walls looking that it used to be white… & now looking a bit yellowish & with cracks. They even used this room to store two very old model stationary bikes & one basic human skeleton model, covered with a large transparent plastic sheet. I found it very odd coz TMC do not offer sports or science related courses.

I had to wait in this freezing air-con dilapidated tutorial room until I was getting all fidgety & my hands turned pale from the lack of blood in it. My skin felt cold & my voice started to feel sore & dry. It wasn’t a very conducive place for an interview.

Finally, this lady walked into the tutorial room. She had this rather bored facial expression & it kind-of made quite a negative impression on me when she told me that if appointed, I would be reporting to her. Immediately, fears from my experience with a fake smiling Gladys shot back into active mind recall. And it didn’t help that I was slightly coughing from the coldness & dry throat.

When she asked me to tell me about myself, I gave a general answer partly because I was very tired of describing myself to interviewers, after going for several interviews. But largely it was because I was affected by her bored body language.

As it is, the environment in this building didn’t give me a good impression coz it wasn’t well maintained, with rather dim lights all around the corners of each floor, wooden doors that looked like they held caged up animals within, stoned-face staff walking around the place & a front desk reception area that was rather cluttered with paper & a few all-female admin staff pacing up & down doing their work.

I couldn’t keep a simple smile on my face & no matter how hard I tried; I just couldn’t smile or look somewhat cheerful to be called for a job interview. In fact, I was quite worried about how it would be like to work in a place like this. The whole environment gave me a cold & dilapidated feeling.

Oh yah! I remembered! This lady didn’t even introduce herself & her name when she came into the room! Up till now, sitting at my desk at home & typing this Blog… I still don’t know her name! What professionalism… Horrible! Sigh…

She questioned me about why I left my job at StarHub & didn’t seem convinced when I replied that I wanted to give myself a chance to explore & develop my career in a different industry which wasn’t so technically complex as required in my previous workplace. I mean, how else should I reply? That my ex-boss didn’t like me & my working style & told me to resign?

When she asked what kind of jobs I have been applying for, she also didn’t like my response when I honestly replied that I have been applying for various jobs in various industries. She looked at me when she said that she didn’t want to hire someone who is unemployed & desperately looking for a job & does not know what kind of job that he wants to work. I mean, it is the truth & it shows that I’m not picky & willing to be open about work. How does she want me to respond to such a remark that she made about me?

As the interview continued, I realized that I couldn’t put on a smile any longer. My smile faded & I just did my best to look serious & not portray unhappiness about everything so far. I was also worried that if she became my boss, I would end up in another episode with another ‘Gladys’. Then that would be my second career nightmare.

It didn’t help when she told me that this is a new department that branched out from the usual big division, so there will only be three staff running the whole department. One executive, one manager (i.e. her) & the currently vacant assistant manager position that I had applied for. Working hours are from 9am – 9pm, which includes working & ending work at 3pm on Saturday. That means that I won’t be able to go to the gym at all. And that thought screaming past my mind got me very unhappy.

At last, the interview was over & I left the office heavy-footed, downcast & depressed. It seemed that I’m stuck in a fix. Due to the unfortunate fact that I was told to leave StarHub after working there for 5 - 6 months, prospective employers look at me as either a job hopper or someone who was incompetent at his job. Either way it is not to my advantage at all. Not even 1% advantage. I really don’t know how to get out of this rut. Very upset about it. Not as if it was my choice to leave StarHub. I liked it there, if not for Gladys!

I spoke to Uncle John earlier this week & asked if it would be awkward if I applied for StarHub again. He agreed that it would be awkward & difficult coz they would ask me why I left the company. What’s worse, as an internal account manager, more people in StarHub know me, more than I know them. In other words, I’m almost literally blacklisted from ever applying for a job in StarHub ever again in my life. Yeah, my entire life. I seriously wonder what I have done to deserve this.

Walking home, it suddenly struck me that I’m like the movie character that Mark Lee acted in the movie ‘One More Chance’. He went to jail & no one wanted to employ him, not even for a janitor job. I suddenly felt like him – like the trash of society. Discriminated… Stigmatized... Unwanted… Discarded…

Where should I turn to? What job should I apply for? Where would I fit in? I really do not know… I’m just so tired of searching for a suitable job for myself… so tired.

Thank God that I managed to download the recent sermons by Dr Paul Stevens. In one of his sermons, he shared a phrase quoted from a Christian author. It read:

“Never allow the thought - I can be of no use where I am, because I certainly cannot be of any use where I am not.”

This phrase gave me a tinge of hope, about 5% hope. Not a lot, but it was something to a downcast soul. Dr Paul Stevens also shared that “Calling is more important than situation in life”… that we are placed strategically for a specific purpose by God.

Often in life, the voice of God doesn’t come as a loud supernatural voice. Normally, we have to feel our way through the thick mist all around us, so as to find our way to somewhere. So as for now, this is all that I can cling onto… Till the mystery of God’s path be opened up in front of me…