Another Unfortunate Happening

Bad news – My Dad came home this evening & told us that his contract job will not be continued & terminates by the end of this work week. This news caught us unaware. I couldn’t see my Mum’s reaction coz she was behind me, but I sensed that my brother was temporarily stunned upon hearing the news.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t stunned, coz I definitely was… but after having been asked to leave my job by a tyrannical female boss, as well as hearing quite a few friends of mine who encountered a similar situation, it really didn’t dawn on me that this was life breaking news. Yet I was shaken… but just didn’t want to show it. Coz at that moment, I hadn’t really got in touch with my true inner feelings.

I tried to appear & sound steady by telling my Dad that we’ll just look for another job. I also asked if he did try to request to apply for another job in the same company, but my Dad didn’t want to. No one else in the living room said a word, so I left it as it is & carried on with my dinner.

The thing about me is that I normally get in touch with my true inner thoughts & feelings when I’m all by myself in my room. Perhaps this one aspect about the introverted Matthew…

I began pacing around my room, folding & unfolding my arms to my chest… feeling all fidgety, as more & more unhappiness surfaced from my mind. I was upset… & in fact, even more demoralized about this additional happening to my family.

It’s been 4 months since I was told to leave my job at StarHub. Even before that, my Dad had already gone through a few rounds of job terminations. And it so frustrates me, coz I now know how it feels like & my own Dad had to go through several times!

After being sacked from his previous company at the airport, my Dad attempted to go into financial planning. He struggled in this line for about 1 & ½ years, without much glimpse of any probable prospect & future. In fact, progress was so slow & limited that his monthly take-home pay was only a few hundred dollars. I saw him during that period of time & I knew that he was discouraged. Yet I didn’t know how to speak to him about it. I did try once to ask him if he would tell me how he got sacked from his job at the airport, but he declined to explain in detail. It must have been very drastic, coz he was ordered to leave immediately.

With financial planning not working out for him, my Dad attempted to move into the real estate industry, but also without any positive outcome. The only thing that he ended up doing was staying around at open-house show flats at various locations & explaining to prospective walk-in customers. And that kind of work only involved about 3 – 4 hours of work & the job was paid per hour.

That’s why I absolutely detest those secular motivational talks & speakers. Coz these people just do it for the money & claim this, claim that. As if everyone can be a winner. The truth is that only the minority would become top achievers in industries such as financial planning & real estate. Since everyone wants to make big money, but who will be the customers? The market ‘pie’ can only be big up till a certain extent, especially in this small country of Singapore. More people coming into the industry, means an even smaller share of the ‘pie’ is left for each person… with the ‘big guys’ are constantly taking up huge chunks of this ‘pie’.

To bring matters slightly further, whether these people are financial planners, investment planners or independent financial advisories, its total crap in terms of work ethics coz these people will sell whatever gives them the highest return or commission, not necessarily what’s best for their customer. It’s an ‘eat or be eaten’ kind of industry. And anybody with basic knowledge of economics can figure out the concept that when somebody gains more, it has to come at the expense of another person. Think about it.

Believe me, for a father like my Dad who hardly watches movies or VCDs unless someone watches them at home… it can be most shocking that there was a point in time when he believed that so strongly in these motivational gurus, that he even bought their VCD to watch them at home! I mean, come on! Can watching this VCD & feeling all hyped up bring money into the family? My Dad even bought laminated posters to put around the hall, so that he could be reminded & motivated. I tried to talk him out several times, but in the end, I gave up & soon, my Dad realized it for himself.

Finally, my Dad decided to leave these industries & forget about all those motivational speeches that drive people into a frenzied money craze. What more needs to be said about the “love of money is the root of evil”? It had already distorted my Dad’s mind & heart, brought him through almost 2 years of endless door knocking, cold calling, standing at MRT stations, etc. In the end, his hopes were just dashed & he became even more discouraged & distraught than when he first started along this path of eminent frenzy, obsession, worry & confusion.

After some time of searching, my Dad landed himself in a telemarketing job that he held for a year. It was a very tiring job that requires talking & selling over the phone for at least 8 hours a day… & for a highly introverted person like him, it was almost a ‘killer’. Still, he persisted for a year, before the bad news was dropped on him today.

His boss decided to terminate his contract & told him that he doesn’t need to come to work anymore next week. Worse still, his boss deemed his performance was not satisfactory (my Dad thinks that it’s because he’s in his 50s) & refused to give him any bonus, despite him working for a year in this job!

Outside at the hall when my Dad shared this with the family, I didn’t know how to react, especially since I already had a taste of the cruelness of the working world. It’s a total piss-off & many have lived to testify to this fact.

So there I was in my room, finally gotten in touch with my thoughts & feelings… then getting all uptight, angry & then furious about this whole happening! What the heck? All that tiredness, all that unhappiness at work, all the long hours & all the stress from a 3-monthly renewable job contract… & not even a bit of bonus?! I felt that I could identify with my Dad coz I went for the StarHub Anniversary Dinner, before I got sacked some time after. My Dad also just came home from a short weekend overseas company get-together trip at Malacca last week… & today he was asked to leave! Just like that! I was furious that vulgarities began spilling out & hovering inside my head…

With effect from this coming week, & yes… it is the START of a BRAND NEW YEAR… both my Dad & his son (i.e. myself) will be officially unemployed. What the #$%^%#@&#@???!!!!! And it was just two nights ago, when my Dad came into my room & told me that he doesn’t know how this new year would be like… I could sense much worry & fear in his voice, but again, didn’t know how to encourage him, coz I myself am also in this ‘shit’.

I don’t know who to turn to, coz I just feel so crushed, crumpled, discouraged & demoralized! Where’s the hope? I really don’t know… It is always so easy & common for friends to fall back on the similar sounding words or Biblical quotes that are supposed to encourage us victims, but seriously, quite often, it doesn’t work just like that! Of course, it is not to say that such words or verses of encouragement are useless, but I STRONGLY believe that words & actions have to be APPROPRIATE for the victim’s state & situation. And it’s only so easy to feel disgusted, again & again, by people who speak mere words.

Seriously, I think the truth is to learn, discern & pray for the wisdom of what words & actions to take, when faced with a person’s situations or crises in life. For some, perhaps a shoulder to cry on would be a good start. For others, perhaps sharing a relevant testimony would encourage the victim’s heart. For some, Bible verses may be appropriate straightaway. For others, giving them time to brood, scream, shout, grumble or yell over their emotions. And there are some who will just go off for an exhausting run to clear his or her thoughts. I also once read a book that recommended a person to sprint as fast as he can, for as long as he can… until he finally collapses on the running track out of breath & out of exhaustion. Believe me - I tried that before in my earlier secondary school days. I’m not sure if it really worked, but I did manage to let off some steam & anger.

Another method could include going to the beach & yelling again & again at the roaring seas… yes, I tried that too in secondary school. And yet another method could be to vent anger by physical force. I tried that too… when I was in primary school, I kicked my classroom meter ruler with one swift kick & it broke. Of course, I had to pay for it… but that wasn’t the point. In secondary school, I walked into my classroom after school was over & gave the notice board a solid punch that ripped a hole through the colored backing & right into the middle of the soft wood notice board. Yes, it was one punch & I was a scrawny boy in secondary school. I think there was a little, little bit of blood on my knuckles, but I was too angry to bother.

And guess what? Ripping a single punched hole in my class notice board didn’t stop me. The next time I was so angry, I decided to punch the tree trunk in front of my classroom. Yes, I really did that… no kidding. I think there was a bit more blood this time round, but what the heck…

I fought in secondary school too, especially in retaliation against those who bullied me. I still got bullied, but at least I was doing something back at them too. There was one time, when I did a flying kick at another boy & sent him curling up in pain for awhile. If I remembered correctly, I think I also punched a boy once.

I had also punched, pushed & hit my brother last time… when I fell into a rage against him. Thinking back, it’s really scary what anger can do… but that was me a long time ago.

Thinking back about these happenings in my life, I realized how important it is to have a trusted friend or close one to turn to & whom is able to properly respond to me. Of course, this doesn’t mean that this trusted person has to go through all that I went through, coz everyone’s path in life is different. But I think discernment, tact & proper understanding of the situation & the victim will go a long way in helping this person in need.

For me, I find it highly encouraging to find hope & be re-inspired by relevant testimonies of those who had lived through similar situations as whichever crisis that I’m faced with. Maybe that’s why I’m always so motivated by movies or bibliographies that portray a true story behind it.

Well, this is what I have found out about myself so far… & I sure hope that I can find out how to help my Dad too… or whichever friend or close one that undergo a crisis. I have been through a relatively fair share of troubles, pain & happenings in my life… & I really know how it feels like to be in need of such a person or friend. And I think that’s what would compel me to come alongside such victims & encourage, guide & share my testimony with them during this time.

Dear God… please help my family through these crises & equip me to help others who are faced with similar situations as me… Amen.