Never Before In My Life

This Wednesday, I did the strangest, bravest & most shocking thing that I had ever done before in my life. I rejected the job offer by MDIS. Of course, it wasn’t just about me rejecting it, but HOW I rejected it, that made this entire experience so extraordinary, shocking & impressionable on my heart. And I believe seriously very impressionable to all those at MDIS too… really.

Two days have passed since that day & finally, I have got the guts to sit down & type down this historic happening that has never before taken place in my life. Of course, the intensity of the situation has died down quite a bit over the past two days, since what is done; has already been done… but the memory still remains. Here is my story of what happened…

This is the first time in my life that I have ever been so distraught, tensed & entirely perplexed, that I seriously wonder how did I ever live through those 5 days when all these was happening.

After the huge shock on Monday that the Singapore Teachers’ Union (STU) job turned out to be an incidental hoax, stunning my parents & Rebecca’s parents, as well as Rebecca & me… all that verbal debates & SMS discussions continued for the rest of the day, putting all 6 of us in a lot of stress & dilemma. It was a terrible time & this complex decision had gotten all of us so frustrated because of the legally binding contract terms & conditions by MDIS.

The crux of the matter was whether or not to agree & go with MDIS’ two very restrictive contract terms & conditions. Firstly, that there is a minimum commitment period of 1 year of service & secondly, failing which the employee has to pay 3 full months pay as compensation.

This is crazy! All of us found these terms & conditions so unfair & merely beneficial towards the organization, leaving no flexibility or choice for the staff. I mean, even if the 1 year commitment is reasonable, why in the world should I subject myself to compensate the company 3 full months pay, if I should want to leave this job before the entire 1 year is up?

I was discussing with Rebecca & told her that it is understandable that she would need to pay a certain sum of money back to the Ministry of Education (MOE), should she leave the teaching profession within her 4 years contract. This is because MOE has given her free university tuition fees for 4 years of full time education, as well as giving her an allowance for the first 2 years during as a trainee teacher. MOE has given so much, so it is fair that compensation is made, as part of the teaching contract.

But in my case, why should there be any compensation, when I’m not receiving any free training or any certification courses, or even any allowance should there be any courses to undergo? There are none! I’m just going to there to work & I’m even going to get paid a lower than average salary, compared to my peers. Furthermore, MDIS being a non-profit organization, salary increments will be very limited too. So why should I put myself in this situation, where I have to subject myself to these conditions? What’s there to gain in this, except that I get paid (obviously) for the work that I put in? And it’s a lower than average salary too.

So it was a matter of whether to take this job for the meantime, while looking out for other better jobs that may come along later. But these terms & conditions are precisely what are restricting me from doing so… so should I or should I not go for it & live with whatever risks that I may be faced with in this job? Not to mention that I may have already created a negative impression for postponing my job start date, so that I could go for the STU job interview, which unfortunately turned out to be a hoax.

All those past days, I have had un-restful sleep & no peace during the day, while I pray & struggle about making my decision before the end of the office hours on Tuesday.

Finally, I decided to call the MDIS’ HR Senior Executive on Tuesday, to ask if I could come down & sign the contract & start work on Wednesday morning instead of the previously mentioned next Monday. After all that had happened in those last few days, I was just on the verge of giving up & just give in to this job & take it for the meantime.

HR agreed, but said that I would have to start work in the morning first, and then sign the contract in the afternoon, coz she would be away at a seminar in the morning. Well, no issue with me, coz by that time, I had already made up my mind to go for this MDIS job, prepared my two passport sized photographs as instructed by the HR & even bought two new shirts, two ties & one pair of black pants for the start of this new job.

The reason why I did so, was because this job required me to wear a tie every day at work & I didn’t have any matching ties in my clothes cupboard, so I had to spend money to buy two shirts & two matching ties, just so that I could have at least two matching attires & matched these two ties with the other color shirts that I already have back home. So you see… there has really been much pain, unrest & sacrifice that I had to go through for this job. But I decided to turn this opportunity to my advantage, so that I could see how the work environment was like, before deciding whether or not to sign the contract in the afternoon.

I remembered that that night, I dreamt about my ex-boss Gladys again. It wasn’t a nightmare, but it was a bad dream. I dreamt that Gladys became my manager at MDIS. For some reason, she had left StarHub, but I couldn’t be bothered why, coz now the problem is that she had joined the same company as me & again ended up as my direct reporting supervisor. Oh great… history repeating itself once again.

In that dream, it was very, very awkward. Gladys didn’t even want to look at me & I didn’t want to look at her either. And it was the same terrible feeling that I had when working right next to her last year (in reality)… just that it’s happening once again in this dream. How I wish that I would never, ever, ever work beside her ever again in my entire life. Best thing is that I never see her again in my life. I don’t hate her, but both of us just don’t like each other & I think its best that we leave it that way.

For the first time in many months, I actually woke up at 6:30 am… before the sun even rose from the East... & I’m staying right at East Coast, so I’ll be one of the first few people in Singapore to see the first sun rays every morning… if I’m awake at that time, that is. *Smile*… =)

Anyway, I woke up before everyone else in my family awoke, filled with much apprehension about this day, coz every step, every bit of happening, big or small, would play a part in changing my life from this day forth.

It was an early, but crazy & hectic morning. So far, the companies that I had worked weren’t located as far as Queenstown, so I normally left for work at about 7:30 or 7:45am. But I was this early today & I was shocked to see that cars are zooming faster than they normally do at around after 8pm on an average work day. In fact, it kind-of surprised me that cars move faster when the sun beams first appear; compared to when the sun beams had appeared.

It was scary just seeing cars zoom past like those racing cars in track races. Believe me, the cars were literally zooming… & the vehicle sounds went like ‘Vroom…” sounding just like the word ‘zoom’ as well. It was like the whole world of corporate working adults had gone crazy. Especially when Marine Parade road is right next to the ECP highway… & everyone wants to get on it. Thinking about it, I began to appreciate how wonderful it would be, to be able to simply walk to my workplace, just like Rebecca does every weekday morning. Just a short walk & the workplace appear within sight! How wonderful! The road is a scary place to be in the early morning, even when I’m not ON the road, but just ALONG the road.

The next thing surprised me – the bus stop near my house was packed with students! About 90% packed underneath the roof of the bus shelter! I had to squeeze to find a small spot to stand amidst the crowd of Victoria School students. What is the world coming to? Are people & things just getting faster & faster as this Earth continues to age? It’s crazy!

Unsurprisingly, the MRT was crowded too. I think I could just feel & sense the irritated mood of commuters, as all of us squeezed inside each train carriage. I saw grumpy faces, grouchy faces & sleepy faces around… & soon, I couldn’t help but feel irritated as well… coz it’s so contagious when so many people around you are just emitting ions of grouchiness!

Well, I did have my fair share of walking, coz I had to walk for 10 minutes to the MDIS building… reaching there so early that even the receptionists weren’t even there yet. Well, it’s good to be early, especially on my first day of work… but it feels odd, just sitting & waiting for people to arrive… each of them walking in & looking at this new face, sitting all by himself at the couch, early in the morning.

Soon, I was greeted by smiles from people whom I do not know… which made me wonder if these people are actually my soon-to-be department colleagues, who recognized me as the new staff, since MDIS’ HR asked me to e-mail her a softcopy of my photograph last week, so that she could e-mail to the entire department, announcing & introducing me as a new staff in their department.

Awhile later, Jade, my prospective department manager came out to greet me & show me to the office. It was a reasonable sized office, approximately the size of two classrooms, with about 16 staff working at this department. Most of the staff are female (not surprisingly) & I was glad to know that there were about 4 guys in this department… which is good, coz it’s really not easy working in an entire department FULL of females, as I had discovered in my previous job.

Jade seemed quite nice… though Gladys seemed nice at the beginning, before there was a department shift & I ended up working under her, then things started to change. I was still cautious, yet tried not to show it & learned from Jade & some of the colleagues about the duties of my new job scope.

The lady whom I was supposed to take over was Pey Ling. She seemed nice, though quite hyper… or bubbly, I would call it. She was young probably my age or slightly younger… & she has quite a good figure. In fact, she looked a bit like Rebecca’s friend Yong Lin. The most peculiar aspect about her was that she uses words like idiotic, stupid, etc when referring to certain steps & procedures about her job, which would soon become my job. That was an interesting observation of her.

This job had an interesting buddy system, which I liked… & my new buddy was a guy named Rashid Adam. I found this name strange, coz I haven’t often come across a Malay name & Eurasian / European name put together. Hmm… Anyway, I found him by far one of the most friendly & helpful in that department & I was glad to have him as my buddy in this job.

Soon, there was a short meeting organized for new staff by this consultant in this department… & about 6 of us attended this short meeting, where this man Kumar, shared with us about the topic of customer service.

There were two phrases shared in this meeting that I really liked. The first was about the statement that “The customer is always right”. Kumar shared that, “The customer always thinks he is right, but it isn’t always so… yet it is not our job to prove that he is wrong… coz if we win the argument, we lose the customer.” Quite interesting, though it sure painted that such customers are closed minded & not open to admit their mistakes, which could cost them a lot in future.

The second was about the statement, “The customer is king”. Of course, everyone knows that this is not true… but Kumar shared that, “… even if the customer thinks he is king, but he is not king… we do not go out of our way to show him that he is not…” Another interesting statement… though reflects very badly about the customer.

Then it was lunch time. I went to the canteen alone & met the new assistant manager there, so I took the courage to sit down, eat & chat with him. He had only joined a few days ago & was still in the learning stage, just like me. But he looked moody, so I asked him how he finds the place. He said it’s lousy. So I asked why he thought so. I’m not sure whether he heard my question, coz he didn’t reply a single word & just carried on eating, so I just left it as it is. The rest of the lunch together was awkward coz both of us didn’t know what to say to each other, besides the usual questions like where do you stay, is this your first job, how long do you take to travel to work, etc.

After we left the canteen, I strolled around the place to take a look at the library, bookshop & gym. The library gave me quite a bad impression coz it wasn’t cold & the array of books & shelves were just so scarce, compared to when I was studying at Singapore Institute of Management (SIM).

I was so shocked & wondered how on earth the students are going to have enough resources to do their research. Even when I was at SIM, my project team mates & I still had to visit NUS library, Jurong East library, Marine Parade library, as well as Temasek Polytechnic library to gather more resources! So this MDIS library really gave me a very bad impression. Seriously, if I was a student considering taking up an education course… I wouldn’t even consider MDIS. And it’s supposedly called MDIS UniCampus! Huh! I’m shocked!

As I toured around the ‘campus’ ground, I started to feel uncomfortable about working in this place. Sure, the environment is more casual coz there were more students than staff, so that makes more casually dressed people than those in formal attire, which creates a more relaxed atmosphere. But this place was boring! There’s nothing to do during the 1 hour lunch break! Even at the library, all the seats were taken up by students & there was no where else that I could sit to rest… much less even find a place to pray about my decision of whether to sign or not to sign the contract later!

I started to feel frustrated… & decided to call Rebecca, but she wasn’t available to pick up her hand-phone or desk phone. So I called my Mum, but she didn’t answer, maybe coz it’s lunch time. So I walked into the bookshop to take a look, wondering whether these are just the two places that I can go to, if I start work here… just the library & the bookshop. Other than that, there’s almost nothing else, besides the gym, which was small & located at some obscure corner of the ‘campus’ ground.

When I stepped inside the bookshop, suddenly my Mum called back & I went out to answer the call. We started talking & I told her that I’m feeling unsure about whether I should take this job, coz after spending an entire morning going through a summary of what my job scope is about, meeting my new colleagues, touring around the building compounds, eating at the canteen which only has like 6 or 7 stalls, of which 1 of them sells fruits & the another sells drinks… which means there are only about 5 stalls selling food. Everywhere else, except the classrooms, the small gym & offices were not air-conditioned & there is almost no where I can go to during lunch time! I feel like I’m stuck in this boring environment & there’s nothing to do & the job scope seems monotonous & boring to me! Plus, it wasn’t as if MDIS was paying me reasonably well anyway…

I kept telling my Mum that I can’t decide whether to take this job, coz I dun seem to find the job scope interesting… but of course, if I just see it as just a job to do & earn an income, then it would be easier to decide, based on this aspect as the benchmark. I was feeling very distraught & my Mum didn’t know how to advice me, except saying that if I don’t feel comfortable then don’t waste time & just come home. But I told her that I don’t know if I should give this up, coz I don’t know when the next job offer would come… yet I don’t feel at peace signing the contract, with those unfair terms & conditions.

Exasperated, my Mum told me to call my Dad, which I did & repeated all that I had said to him… only to hear him asking me thing like, “Do you like the job?” & “Do you want to do this job for one year?” I said that I don’t know coz I haven’t done it yet, but from what I discovered about it during the morning in the office, I didn’t find the work interesting & this place is boring.

Then I asked him if interest in the job is really important, compared to the need to get a job. My Dad said that it’s important to do a job that I want to do… yet I’m not sure, coz I have only been there for one morning & I’m not sure if my uncomfortable feelings are because I haven’t settled down in this place yet. But if I sign the contract & found out that the job is really unsuitable for me, then it would be too late to back out already. Plus, paying the hefty sum of 3 months pay & the awkwardness of quitting the job early, maybe even after a few weeks can be quite embarrassing & awkward…

In the end, my Dad also became very frustrated & told me that I really have to ask myself whether this is the job that I want to do… if not, just forget it & come home. Don’t waste too much time thinking too much.

Then I messaged Rebecca, she replied & we dialogued via SMS for quite some time. By then, it was already past lunch time & it was very awkward just sitting at my desk, messaging & messaging… so I left the office & went up the stairs to a corner of the building to continue our exchange of messages. I kept asking Rebecca whether I should do this just as a job & forget anything about interest, etc… even though it was quite clear that I didn’t find the job interesting & I didn’t like being trapped by the contract terms & conditions. I told her that I needed to make a decision fast, coz it’s already the afternoon & I needed to meet with HR very soon to sign the contract.

It was a very stressful time for me, coz there I was, in the midst of calls & messages between my parents & with Rebecca… & another part of my mind hoping that no one notices that I had left my desk for quite a long time already. Back at home, at least I still had my Dad (who is still currently unemployed) to discuss with, plus I can message Rebecca & her Dad, in the comfort of my home to seek their opinions about this matter. But here, I was all alone by myself, except the messages that I received from my parents & Rebecca. I felt so alone & so exasperated… fearing that the next second, HR will call my hand-phone & ask me to come & sign the contract. I didn’t know what to say, or what I should say… or how I should think… or how I should decide… I was just completely lost!

Some of Rebecca’s SMS include -

”Go with your heart, Dear. Thanks for the update. =) As long as you are comfortable about it…”

“Umm, as long as you are objective on why you take the job, should be okay if you take it. When you get to know people, it would be better.”

“Maybe starting out can. Guess you could treat it as a job. But you’ve got to be okay about it.”

But that’s the problem, coz I’m not okay nor am I comfortable about it! But I’m afraid of not having a job for an even longer period of time! I don’t know when the next job offer would come along…

Finally, I told Rebecca over SMS that I’m just going to call HR & see the contract first, & then decide. At the meantime, pray for wisdom from God. I was at the brink of frustration of not wanting to lose a job opportunity, yet I didn’t have any peace of going for this job at all. I had never felt so lost before in my life!

So I called HR & she told me to meet her at the reception area. I went to the toilet to wash my face & stood facing myself in the mirror, looking at what a sight I was… looking so flustered & distressed! I put my both hands on the wall & nodded my head low & said, “God! Please quickly tell me what to do! Show me a sign! Quick! I don’t know what to do!” After saying that, I looked up, still looking very crossed & walked out of the toilet. Thankfully, no one came in & saw me like that…

By the time, I had walked back to my desk, I was looking so distraught & perplexed that my boss, Jade, looked a bit astonished when she saw me walk pass, while she was taking a drink from the nearby water cooler. I quickly walked into the office, took my bag & quietly walked out. Rashid asked me whether I’m going home (which was indeed my intention), so I told that I’m meeting HR & quickly walked out.

I went to the reception area, sat down on the couch & waited… every single moment that I had, I was praying inside… straining to hear every bit of voice from God, if or when He spoke to me. I didn’t hear any… or maybe I was too scared that I couldn’t hear from God. Coz any moment HR would come down & I would need to make an immediate decision right then & there. It would all be over in a few minutes time… & my heart was throbbing & throbbing… with my mind feeling all tensed up, coz my decision would impact my life immediately.

Suddenly, I felt that my shoe laces were loose, so I bent down & tied them. After typing the shoe lace on my right shoe, I moved to tie the shoe lace on my left shoe. Just when I pulled the shoe lace taut, it BROKE! My shoe lace broke! Just like that! Maybe it was because I was feeling very tense & had accidentally exerted a lot of strength… that seemed reasonable (as I pondered about it in my mind), but at that moment when the shoe lace snapped, I was shocked… coz I found myself staring at the shoe lace, torn at both broken ends & stunned, as if it was like a sign from God… after all, I did ask for a sign from Him when I was inside the toilet begging & pleading for a word or a sign from Him… but strangely, the sudden breaking of the shoe lace seemed to have made a strong impression in my heart & I suddenly felt that I had to turn down this job offer. I couldn’t explain why, but I just felt it in my heart. Right at that moment, I knew… I just knew…

Of course, I was still feeling afraid, especially when I saw that HR Senior Executive walking towards me, then ushering me into a small meeting room to show me the contract. It was the same room as I had my first interview & also the same room as I attended that customer service meeting earlier in the morning. So it was like the start, the middle & now the end for me… all in the same room.

After explaining the contract to me, I realized that there were even more terms & conditions which I was reluctant to accept! Apart from the minimum one year commitment & 3 months pay compensation… there was also a statement that said that should for any reason I am dismissed from service, I would still be liable to pay these 3 full months pay! I was stunned! Any reason? You mean, if I didn’t perform up to expectation in this job, I could be asked to leave & still need to pay that 3 months pay?! And what if I had worked less than 3 months in this company? The same applies… how unfair! Ultimately for the good of the company & not a single bit for the prospective employee!

Furthermore, there was another thing that annoyed me. There was a clause that stated that upon termination of my service, I would not be allowed to work with another competitor organization or in any related field for the next 2 years!

I was stunned again… the next 2 years?! Then why the heck should I want to work in this organization, then after leaving, not being able to continue using my relevant work experience in another similar company in this industry? So I’m only allowed to apply my relevant work experience to MDIS alone?

This was clear that it was a clause to protect the company! Coz by the time the 2 years is up… I would have found myself in another job in a company of another industry! Why & how can I wait for 2 years just to re-enter this industry again? This legally binding regulation was as good as sentencing to death whatever relevant work experience that I had gained here at MDIS. I was so annoyed! But didn’t show it, of course… though I would think that my perplexed facial expression must have hinted something to this HR Senior Executive, coz she started to look worried.

I stared at the contract terms again, gathered my courage & told her that I’m not comfortable with these restricting terms & conditions in this contract. Then she & I spent the next few minutes ‘discussing’ about it… she explaining that it applies to all the staff in my department coz we are dealing with customer data… & the same rule applies to every staff… it’s important to stay long enough in a job to learn; whereas I was telling her how restrictive this rules are & doesn’t give the employee any flexibility to decide what’s best for him, even after discovering that this job is not suitable for him… etc. And each occasional passing moment of silence left me staring at the black & white words of the contract again.

My mind was in a war… a HUGE war inside. I kept praying to God, “Please! Please! Help me make the right decision… please!” Before, finally I managed to gather enough courage to tell her, “In that case, I’m afraid that I would have to take a pass at this job.” She finally relented, though looking downcast, coz it was obvious that I had wasted her time, after coming for two interviews, then learning about the job in the morning, meeting the colleagues, obtaining my staff pass & e-mail account… then only to say that I don’t feel comfortable about this job & leave in the afternoon. It was very awkward, but I felt that I would be lying to myself, if I had let myself give in to this awkwardness… at a greater cost & future expense.

I waited at the reception area, as she went to explain things to my manager Jade, which I believe was incredibly difficult, awkward & shocking to Jade & everyone else in that department. I felt very bad about everything, but I knew that I had made a decision & I had to stick to it, coz I felt that it was the right thing to do.

After shaking the hand of that HR Senior Executive, I apologized for the wasted time & effort… then walked out of the reception area… out of the building… & out through the guard house. Even as I walked out, I was still contemplating if I had done what was right… or was it just a moment’s folly due to the mental trauma that I had gone through for the past 5 days.

Then it suddenly dawned upon me that there is no need to question whether I felt peace from making this decision, coz I never felt peace throughout the time since I had been offered the job over the phone by MDIS.

It also wasn’t because of the hoax of the STU job interview… or any other job… coz I realized that all my unrest, loss of peace, frustration, anger & unhappiness was because of this job, not any other jobs. It was about MDIS all these while. Why didn’t I see it clearly before?

Furthermore, because of this incident with MDIS, I had brought much unrest, stress, tension, worry & frustration to my parents, Rebecca’s parents & Rebecca as well. How can I live with so much unrest? How can I bring so much loss of peace to the people closest to me? Clearly, this is the right decision that I had made… & I’ll try not to look back… coz it is just wrong that I commit to them, then suffer in silence… & tagging others along with me, for the next one year as well. It’s just not right… & I thank God for the courage & the wisdom to make the right choice.

Lastly, my Mum’s message made an impression on me too, coz I don’t recall her ever using an exclamation mark in any of her SMS before! And after I had told all 5 of them that I had turned down the job, my Mum replied with this message - “Too much! Good thing you did not sign. Forget it. Go home & sleep. Talk tonight.”

My Dad consoled me about my decision, when I arrived back home…, Aunty Molly was glad about my decision & Uncle John messaged me – “In that case, not very good condition. Try again.”

With the support & mutual agreement from both sides of parents, as well as Rebecca, I don’t think that I had made the wrong decision… Thank you, Lord. I still need a good job… please provide me with one. Thank you. Amen.