An Unfair Accusation

How do I start... My mind has been so swirled up with so many thoughts & so many unfortunate happenings at work lately that I feel so stuck inside my head. I feel so emotionally drained, mentally exhausted & physical worn out.

Call it good timing, bad timing or God's timing... Just when I had reached the end of my long standing tolerance about colleagues & work, something bad happened that made a sudden end to my 20 months stay at SNEF. It was unexpected & indeed an unexpected way to leave this company. My last day was announced this Thursday morning... the verdict passed because of something that I didn't expect would happen to me... & to get unfairly blamed for it. This was what happened... my legendary drama in SNEF continues...

It all happened when 1 company that my ex-colleague Steven was working with, sent an e-mail to ask for the disbursement cheque which she has not received yet. I asked my colleague Eunice to check with Finance & it turned out that the cheque has already been issued to Steven before he left in August 07, but that company has not yet received it!

What happened? Did the courier person fail to deliver the cheque? Was it couriered in the first place? Or was it personally delivered? If so, how could the cheque have not been received? If it is not delivered, who is holding the cheque? Who did Steven pass it to, before he left on his last day? How come I wasn't informed of this before Steven left? Where was the cheque now? Do I need to report it as 'missing' cheque again, just like that of another company that was under Steven's care? Lots of questions were rushing through my head...

I decided to call Steven, even though he has already started teaching in a primary school. When he answered my call, I apologised for calling him, even though he had already left the company. Through our discussion, I found out that he had actually passed the cheque to Adrian before he left on his last day. So I thanked Steven & went to ask Adrian, if the cheques were with him. Lo & behold, they were! Adrian handed the envelope to me & I opened it to realize that there were 3 cheques addressed to 3 different companies slotted inside a SNEF envelope!

I had to return 1 of the cheques back to Finance because this particular cheque was declared as 'lost' earlier, as we could not find this cheque. Suddenly it was found, so I had to return it to the Finance Dept. I also replied an e-mail to John, 'cc' to Finance, explaining that the cheques were kept by Adrian. When John read that e-mail, he called me over to his desk & scolded me, saying that I had just sabo-ed Adrian! I was taken aback by his scolding coz I had to tell Finance the truth, isn't it? The cheques went missing for a few months & 1 of them were already declared as lost, so I had to explain to Finance when I suddenly found it, isn't it? I wasn't intentionally trying to 'sabo' Adrian! If not, what should I say? Who was the culprit holding onto all these cheques for such a long time? Me? Cannot be! And I wasn't the one keeping them inside my drawer!

John continued to reprimand me, saying that I should let him, as the manager, handle this issue & contain the trouble within the department... & not let another department know... giving them a reason to blame us. John also said that if I do that in another company, I will get into trouble & that colleague will hate me. I agree that it is true that it would be good to keep this 'discovery' of the cheques within our department, but Finance will still come to know of the real reason, right? If not, what are we going to tell them? That the cheques suddenly appeared out of nowhere?

John told me to try to recall this e-mail, which I did... but the e-mail title still revealed that the cheques were with Adrian. So not much difference, except that Finance didn't read the contents of my e-mail reply. I thought that this issue will soon simmer down the next day, but it didn't....

The next day (i.e. Thursday), the Head of Finance came to know about Adrian holding onto the cheques, became angry & sent a very unhappy & accusing e-mail to my manager John, 'cc' to Adrian, Eunice & me. As I was coaching Eunice that morning, I didn't reply to that e-mail. Then all of the sudden, Adrian walked over with this angry face & told me to call John to explain to him why the cheques were given to him, when he is not handling this funding scheme... & he doesn't know what to do with the cheques. After speaking his harsh words with his angry face, Adrian stormed off, Wilson turned to me & quietly said, "How would you know what Steven is thinking?" I replied, saying something like, "Precisely... I wasn't even told that there were cheques given to him (i.e. Adrian)!"

When I called John, I got scolded again about that e-mail to Finance. I replied that Finance will have to come to know of this reason, coz I had to return the cheques to them & this is really what happened! I didn't say this, but the truth is that when a cheque is declared missing, I had to fill up a form to declare that it is missing & the reason for it being missing. So won't Finance have known, either way?

But John still refused to listen & brushed me off... & what he said next hurt me MOST. After he had brushed off my explanation (which I had spoken with tact & as composed as I could sound, though angry inside), John said, "Matthew, I don't want to hear anymore. Can you just pack your bag & go home? Stop creating trouble for the department. You saw that e-mail? You saw the way that Ms Chua wrote to me? Now she is saying that our system is messed up. You are causing trouble between Finance & the department! So can you just pack up your things, go home & apply for your job. Don't stay around & cause trouble for our department. Don't you know why Mr Koh is willing to release you early? Did you ever ask yourself this question? Why is Mr Koh willing to lose money to pay you & still grant you early release? Coz the longer you stay here, the more trouble you are causing us. I know the audit is not yet over, but it is okay, you can go home & we will call you, when we need you to come back to office to settle the audit. Other than that, you are not needed here, so please stay home & apply for your job."

After that, John put down the phone... & I sat there, thinking about all those words that he had just said to me. I felt so hurt & angry. Actually, more hurt than angry. Now that I am typing this, I am also reminded that while I was allocating time to brief & coach Eunice (the new staff taking over my duties) every day, John said behind my back that I was wasting time telling stories to Eunice. Hello?! What stories? These are the background of how things started for certain aspects of this project! These are also lessons that I have learnt which I am passing on to the new staff, so that they won't have to make the same mistakes that I did! These are sharings about how to relate & work with certain departments & external agencies, coz their way of doing things are different!

You think I like to tell stories ah? I am doing all these, so that when I leave, the new staff will have the knowledge to carry on doing the work properly! Without knowing how certain projects started & became complicated along the way, how will these new staff be able to understand & handle these projects well? And John still dare to say that I am wasting time telling stories! He himself didn't even brief the new staff properly when they first joined us. On Wilson's first day, I spent 3 hours explaining so many things to him, so that he knows what's going on & how to do things. All these are time spent, which are not directly linked to KPI! But its important to the new staff! Even temp staff come in, I also spend time briefing them.

In 2 months, I have briefed & coached 5 new staff. You think very fun ah? It's tiring, you know! But I enjoyed relating to them during the process & find the meaning in sharing with them about the valuable things that they are required to know. Wilson & Eunice also know how to thank me & show appreciation for my efforts & patience. What does John know? And he still thinks that I am not needed here coz I am a nuisance that cause him trouble. Hello?! I cause him trouble for what? What do I stand to gain? After working with me for 14 months, you mean he can't tell that I am not such a person? When have I been a threat to anyone? Or him? SIGH...

All these was not over yet. Later that afternoon, John called us to his desk & scolded Adrian & I. John said, "Bonus is coming leh... & you are affecting your performance & my performance as a manager." To me, John scolded me, asking me why I am the manager & how can I not know that Steven was holding onto cheques, without giving them out to the companies. In my mind, I was screaming, "How would I know? Steven didn't tell me, how would I know? How am I to dream up whatever things involved in all that we do & ask about everything? Steven is supposed to be handing over to me, isn't it?"

John also reprimanded me for the poor handover by Steven. Hello?! Isn't that Steven's fault? If his handover is sloppy (which compared to my level of detailed handover to Eunice, can be considered so), whose fault is it? Mine? Just because I am the only staff left handling this funding scheme, so I get to take the blame? Hello?! Of course, I didn't say any of my thoughts, but they were all railing inside my brain! Since Steven left, I have been the main target for all sorts of things concerning this funding scheme. Even mistakes that Steven made in his paperwork, I had to answer for it. Hello?! All these companies that were being questioned are Steven's companies! Not mine! I didn't handle them, nor even type a single word in their proposal & letter of offer! You can point out the mistake, I can too... but its not my mistake!

I told John that I will find out from Steven, what exactly happened that day, which was his last day. Through a series of SMS correspondences, I discovered & re-confirmed that Steven did pass the cheques to Adrian & told him to pass the cheques to me to settle. So it was Adrian who had forgotten to pass those cheques to me! Whose fault was it then? Me? As a manager who was kept in the dark? Or the manager who is expected to have 6th sense or telepathy? Of course, Adrian won't know what to do with these cheques, coz Steven didn't tell him what to do with those cheques! But what Steven told Adrian was simple & absolutely straightforward - please pass to Matthew to settle. What's so difficult? Just pass to me lah!

If Adrian had forgotten & all these sparked up, how can he or John blame me? And if these are cheques which are addressed to companies, why on earth should Adrian be keeping them hidden inside his drawer for so long? And after Steven passed him the cheques, Adrian even went for 3 weeks of reservist & told nobody about those cheques! And even when Adrian came back from reservist, he still didn't tell me or anyone about those cheques! Trouble had to brew & I even had to call Steven to ask who did he pass those cheques to! That goes to show that obviously, neither Steven or Adrian had told me anything about any cheque! How can you just anyhow assume that I must be in the know of everything? Even things that was never communicated to me? Fine... What a way to leave on my last day, which was that same Thursday when all these happened...