When We Lead By Example

At tonight’s Thanksgiving Service, there were several ministry leaders & church Elders who gave a short speech & some included a PowerPoint presentation to share this year’s happenings & thanksgiving items with the church congregation.

Reflecting back on the thoughts that I had earlier during the service, I found it simply amazing at how God had turned things another way around for me -

When I found out during the service that there wasn’t going to be any sermon, I felt disappointed & unhappy because I really yearned for a good ‘solid’ sermon that would speak & encourage my heart.

But God knew what my heart longed for & He didn’t let me down… but as usual (sometimes I really don’t know whether to laugh or cry about it or not), He always takes His own approach to doing things.

It is true that there wasn’t any sermon preached, God had other ways of speaking to me. And the best, but strangest part – God didn’t just speak once… He spoke twice… & both in two very different situations!

Firstly, God spoke to me through my thoughts about Uncle Eddie (refer to my earlier Blog entry titled “A Strange Way to Communicate”). This was the silent, personal word spoken to me, that no one else could hear, but me. Until I share it over my Blog, of course… =)

Secondly, God showed me conviction, persistence & the marvelous result of leading by example, through the testimony of Pastor Sum & his wife.

Pastor Sum & his wife is a loving couple, who also share the same vision of serving God through the Chinese Ministry in my church. This year, Pastor Sum saw the great importance of home visitation & embarked on a weekly visitation of homes, in concurrence with several evangelistic projects organized by my church.

After months of effort, there were only two people who stood faithfully to their call & task to set aside time for home visitation, once every week. These two people are Pastor Sum himself & his wife.

Pastor Sum shared that it has been very tiring, but despite the fatigue & occasional unfavorable weather conditions, he & his wife faithfully went for weekly home visitations, week after week, for several months without fail. Btw, Pastor Sum & his wife are probably in their 40s… but their age was no barrier to their firm belief & conviction.

In the end, the Chinese Ministry blossomed enormously, with many salvations & exceedingly successful community evangelistic projects. It was so heart-warming to hear that due to the successful community evangelistic gatherings, the number of visitors who came to the church service far exceeded that of their own Chinese Ministry members! I was just so shocked… but very encouraged! =)

And when our church had a project to distribute an umbrella to each residents’ household, the community residents were so moved by their weekly home visitations that some residents even offered to ‘jagar’ (i.e. look after) the umbrellas of those residents who were not at home, when Pastor Sum & his wife came by to distribute the umbrellas to them!

What’s even more surprising is that these residents didn’t just look after the umbrellas, but constantly knocked on their neighbors’ doors everyday, till they finally passed the umbrella to them & even successfully invited their neighbors to the Chinese Ministry service!

Pastor Sum was so shocked! Coz the people who joined in to help out in this, were the community residents themselves! It was just so heart-warming! Hearing these testimonies really encouraged my heart & I just felt so overjoyed!

I have spoken to Pastor Sum’s wife before… & she is a very humble & cheerful lady… always full of smiles & jokes. How I wish I could be like her! It’s just so amazing to see Christians serving the Lord with such gladness & joy! I just can’t imagine… but I really hope that I would experience it for myself one day… It’s just so amazing & so fulfilling… =)

A Strange Way to Communicate

This evening, I attended the year-end Thanksgiving Service at my church. I was still feeling sour & depressed since the start of this day, largely because I just felt so broke, so aimless, so useless & so helpless at home.

These 4 months of being unemployed has been taking its toil on me, in all aspects of my life – physically, emotionally, mentally & spiritually. Right up till the point that I can’t even explain what in the world is happening to & inside of me! I have reached the point where the term ‘stress’ isn’t a big inflicting word to me.

Of course, a huge part of what I’m feeling is due to the stress of being without a job & living day after day through the consequences of being without one. Yet I feel that I have somehow passed beyond the stage of feeling just stressed… & stepped into the realm of depression or psychological & emotional breakdown.

If what I guessed about myself is right, I’m still glad & thankful that I’m still able to think right & make sense of whatever I do each & every day… even though my mind just silently screams out in agony, every once in awhile. I have been doing whatever I can to distract myself from focusing on these thoughts, but sometimes, there’s just no escaping it.

Being the human that I am, much of my hope has been lost & there’s nobody that I know who could really identify with my silent cries of hurt, pain & suffering. Believe me, it can be quite a traumatic experience, especially since this is my first time going through this. It’s not just the struggles of finding a job, but the struggles of coming to terms with the traumatic experience of how I was thrown out from my previous company. I just feel so ‘stained’ from the experience & that was also a first-time & first-hand experience for me.

As the months went on, my hurts & agony increased with each passing day… & it’s really scary to see how week after week can just pass like that. It’s like my life is passing me by & I’m stuck where I am, not knowing how to move on. And now with my Dad’s recent termination of his short-term employment contract, as the eldest son in the family, I’m really at a lost of what to do & how to hold on. My Mum feels so pressurized coz she’s the only one supporting my whole family & whenever I think about the condominium that I’m living in, I sometimes get uptight & unhappy about the monthly maintenance fees that my family has to pay.

I’m really in need for someone to just step into my life & show the path out of this ‘tunnel of darkness’ & towards the warm, welcoming ‘light’. But there is no one who is able to pull me out of this stinking & ‘sinking quicksand’. I have prayed, cried, done my regular QT, gone to church, serve in Youth Ministry & even helped needy people when I’m also in need to employment & financial assistance. I have tried many ways to spend whatever little money that I grudgingly accept from my parents, in terms of meals & transport, as well as highly restricting my amount spent on entertainment (i.e. movies, VCD rental & computer games).

Just short of having stopped giving my monthly church tiding (as I struggle to meet my daily basic needs with those few ten dollar notes that I have), I have really been doing whatever I can to help myself, as I keep in search of God’s next pre-planned job for me. But to no avail… & I don’t seem to be able to hear from God either. So here I am… everyday crying out in my heart for Him to help me out of this situation & to the job that He has planned for me… Just clinging onto whatever bit of hope that remains in my life-form, as I earnestly try to wrestle free from the depths of this dark ‘dungeon’ that I’m ‘locked up’ in.

With all these being a brief summary of what I’m going through… & these being just my words in a desperate attempt to jot down this bad time that I’m going through… believe me, the actual agony that is tearing up inside… is really quite difficult to accurately describe.

Needless to say, of course my mood at church this evening was screwed-up too. I’m not sure if my expression said anything to those who looked & spoke with me, but I was definitely feeling very grudging about my current situation & at several instances, just wrestling to keep my emotions & words in check, to prevent an angry & frustrated outburst.

My psychological state has progressed till the point that today my mind finally gave in & I began to doubt whether God is even listening, caring about all my pain & struggles & most importantly, whether He even intends to stretch in His hand to help me…

It’s really strange how God works in my life. He very seldom gives me answers straightaway & sometimes I just feel so left alone to fend for myself. At least that’s honesty how I feel at times. But tonight reinforced how God occasionally uses the people around me to speak to me. And the even stranger thing is that these people don’t necessary need to speak to me! Just by noticing them or having some bit of knowledge about them & their situation, God just pricks my heart about something that He probably wants to open my eyes to see.

This is how it happened –

As Rebecca & I approached the church sanctuary entrance, we saw Uncle Eddie serving as an usher at the door & giving out a piece of paper to everyone. He was the only usher & it kind-of surprised me, coz I haven’t seen him serve as an usher before in church. Somehow my gaze was just fixed on Uncle Eddie as we moved one by one into the sanctuary, after receiving a piece of paper from him.

It’s strange, but Uncle Eddie holds a special place in my heart. In fact, sometimes I still wonder how both of us even met & got to know each other.

It happened last year, when I was looking for a job after graduation & I had really no idea what kind of job I’m searching for… & NIE had rejected my application several times after several attempts.

Somehow one day, I got a chance to speak with Pastor Bess & I briefly shared about this issue of mine. She immediately recommended me to talk to Uncle Eddie, coz he previously used to organize this career planning workshop for any interested church members.

At that time, I didn’t know who Uncle Eddie is & who he even looks like. I can’t recall whether it was via e-mail or SMS, but finally I had arranged an appointment to meet with Uncle Eddie.

The venue to meet was at his office – Workforce Development Agency (WDA). I met him at about 6pm that day & we had a casual ‘get-to-know’ session at his company boardroom. The subsequent meet up, it was at the Cheers café, below his office block.

What’s interesting about Uncle Eddie’s method of career counseling is that he gives the participant a lot of ‘homework’ to do! I remember that there was once when I had like 6 or 7 MS Word documents to type my responses & I took very long to do them. But nonetheless, it was a fruitful time to exploring & discovering about myself. It’s just strange that I had several ambitions as I grew up, but in the end, I ended up with a business degree, which put me in a perplex situation of what kind of jobs this degree would ‘open doors’ for me.

This career counseling program ended abruptly after a few sessions, coz I found a temp job at StarHub & both of us were very busy at work. But despite this program being called off by underlying mutual realization & agreement, I have not forgotten about my experience when interacting & learning from Uncle Eddie.

Uncle Eddie is a very unique person. A man in his 40s, with a wife & two kids (I think), he is still a very dedicated man when it comes to serving the Lord. Furthermore, he has been suffering from leukemia (blood disorder) for many years, with the need to go for regular chemotherapy (at that time) & the doctors couldn’t tell him how long he could live.

I really cannot imagine how it would be like, if I was the one going through such a grueling trial & suffering, but that is precisely why I just hold a silent admiration towards Uncle Eddie. With his medical illness, hectic working schedule, regular chemotherapy, spending time with his wife & kids, managing family issues & struggling with the uncertainty of his life span, he still takes time & JOY to serve in church in whatever ways that he can.

This willingness to come along a total stranger & what’s more half his age, to help me out… is a very classic example of his dedication to make a difference in the lives of others that God places in his life. Some of us would probably just help a blind man across the road, or maybe even to his destination & that’s it. And there are some who won’t even want to be near these disabled or old people.

Uncle Eddie, on the other hand, is committing to several sessions (I think he had planned for 7 sessions to complete this career guidance program) with a total stranger! And these sessions are like 2 - 3 weeks apart, so we are talking about several months of commitment with someone whom he doesn’t even know!

Let’s not forget that he’s medically unwell, needs to go for the hospital regularly & has a whole family to support & look after at the same time. In addition, I’m sure that there might be some side-effects of the use of medicinal drugs &/or chemotherapy.

You’ve really got to believe me - I have never seen a man so full with joy & with such a loud hearty laughter! He’s in the midst of such agonizing ordeals in his life, for years on end… & he’s still finds such joy serving & helping others!

There was a period of time, when Uncle Eddie took the time & effort to leave his home very early each Sunday morning, to travel by public transport all the way to a friend’s house (at the far end of Singapore) & bring him to attend church! Sunday after Sunday, he would do that. Such a sincere person with a giving heart! Let’s not forget that he has a wife & kids… whether they tag along with him, or they go to church by themselves.

I don’t think many knew about this till one Sunday, when Pastor Keith shared this heart-warming news & encouragement to the church congregation. I still remembered that my heart just felt so warm & encouraged by his sincere & dedicated spirit. And most importantly… coz he did that for me too… =)

So that’s why, when I saw him standing at the door of the sanctuary, serving as the only usher for this year-end Thanksgiving Service, I felt my thoughts & emotions stirring within me. In fact, whenever I see him around on church on Sundays, I would remember what he has done for me.

Perhaps this was a confirmation about God’s prompting to me, coz when Rebecca & I sat down inside the sanctuary with her mother, I turned to my left sometime later to realize that Uncle Eddie & family are seated just one or two seats away from me!

In my mind, I was thinking – “Wow… God… What are You trying to tell me?” Then I realized that God was trying to tell me –

(1) Isn’t it easy to be happy & serve cheerfully when things are going well for you? Where do I come in? Where is your need for Me?

(2) If a Christian is happy & living his life happily, coz everything is going well & smoothly for him, than what difference is there between him & a non-Christian?

(3) Which would impact non-Christians the most, a Christian who is happy when all things are well, or a Christian who continues to be joyful in the Lord when things are not going well?

These thoughts just bombarded my mind over a few seconds & although this time I wasn’t looking at Uncle Eddie, the picture of him appeared in my mind - A very classic example of a person who remains joyful in the Lord, serving Him & shines forth his faith & joy to others around him.

I remember one of the things that he told me during one of my career counseling sessions. He told me that I have to learn how to be excited about my job! In short, not just in terms of my job, but I need to learn how to be excited about my life… & what I do! I think that is something that many people disregard or ignore.

And it dawned upon me, that more often than not, it is those who are going through a bad patch in life that really learn how to serve & live joyfully in the Lord. And I think that is what God wanted to tell me this evening…

In these 25 years of my life, I know & have come to experience some painful struggles… & sometimes it may be just human to think, “Aiyah… it’s so easy to just say such words… but actually living it out is a very thing.”

This is indeed a very, very true thought & emotion… but I guess that’s why God allows us to go through these trials, so that He can continually work in us… precisely so we can come out DIFFERENT. Praise the name of our God! =)

Is True Honesty Unwelcome?

What’s the value of honesty nowadays, I wonder. Is this moral ethic still regarded as positive & encouraged? Or has this been regarded as outdated, less or variably useful & more often than not… unwanted?

Personally, I find this positive moral ethic rather muddled up & distorted by society. In the past, moral ethics are regarded as values adopted that shape a person’s character. In these recent times, moral ethics are valued, discussed & regarded only when these traits are proved useful in any particular situation.

In my opinion, moral ethics come into play only when it is viewed as constructive to a situation, be it in a business context or elsewhere. I find it surprising & scary that honesty comes at a cost or consequence nowadays. Probably due to reasons such as subjective individuals, as well as those with relatively or worse still, perpetually closed-up mindsets.

I used to think that a conservative mindset is being closed-up to other opinions & views towards someone or something. As I grew older, I began to realize that stubborn &/or ignorant people can also be closed-up these people or things.

Thus, it seems to me that a person’s openness & acceptance towards people or things, especially new people or things, has become much of an individual’s attitude, rather than how much they know. A person who knows little could be insecure & afraid; however a person who knows a lot could also be rigid, proud & judgmental!

In short, I find that a person’s level of honesty & openness towards himself & others stem from the level of humility & warm-heartedness that he or she possess. The encouraging fact is that this can be learnt & improved upon through constant self-reminders of why you decide & want to improve in this area.

Rather obvious to most of us, our society nowadays brands & lifts up those who dare to be different & take a bold front in setting trends. A popular word used to describe them is ‘hip’. Somehow this style of standing out as different has been very successful in capturing the minds & hearts of people, especially those in this modern generation. Whoever & whatever goes against the norm, but is cool or hip, gets looked up to. Creating buzzing news with the press media has become such a happening that magazines after magazines are being published & sold week after week. These are the kind of ‘stylo’ differences which the younger generation seeks after nowadays.

Are there any differences that are unwelcome then? Sure… simply put, these fall under the category of moral ethics… & whatever that are not classified under moral ethics are indeed recognized & welcomed.

As mentioned earlier, moral ethics have become quite a non-necessity in recent times. People select & pick out whatever is beneficial to them & discard or disregard whatever that are not so important & could possibly result in more difficult decision making. And it is definitely true, coz decisions normally tend to get a bit more foggy when ethics &/or religions comes into the picture.

Without even bringing in working relationships in the business context, let me say that when someone reveals a bit more personal sharing about himself, he may feel insecure about the risk of his ‘secrets’ being let out & gossiped behind his back. Even more outrageous is when this person gets a remark for being naïve & too open in sharing what’s truly on his heart.

When honest opinions are shared, especially when a person is sincerely open in sharing (despite whether it is of good or bad news), it most often falls on deaf ears because most people dislike & are uncomfortable about change. Trust me, even when it is for a change for the better. And the person who offered an honest feedback can be regarded as a disrupter or perpetual trouble-maker.

Among people who are receptive towards constructive feedback, the person may end up getting arrowed to do whatever he suggested, or even viewed as someone who ‘spoil market’ or a ‘boot licker’.

It is probably quite common knowledge that the intellectually slow people tend to be more honest, open & sincere. Sometimes it kind of upsets me that people get more cunning & selfish, as they get smarter. But I do know of a friend who is very smart, yet exhibit an honest, open & sincere character trait.

My friend’s name is Daniel. He’s very intelligent, especially in the area of academic studies, but it didn’t mean that he made use of his intelligence for mere self benefit. He has a fervent heart to share the gospel, sieve out ideas & practices in church that may be treading on a tine contradictory line & reveals his true honest personality to all those around him.

Although he may not be very observant of some people’s silent body language & sometimes insufficient tact in his manner of addressing an issue, Daniel has not stopped being the person that he is, to people around him. He may not be the most tactful person, but he speaks with conviction, out of pure intention & with the interests of others at heart.

I am sure that he doesn’t go around, harboring an ill intention of criticizing people, but he means it sincerely & truthfully, despite his occasional aggressiveness in manner & speech.

What most amazes me is that he makes it a point to be honest, even to those who don’t subscribe to his views. Though sometimes argumentative, but he means it out for the greater knowledge & good for the people whom he speaks to.

Of course, I’m not saying that tact & sensitivity is not important. It is… but so is how honesty is received & responded to. Very often, people turn away from what is new to them, or what they do not understand. And the weirdest thing is that these people can jump to conclusions, just taking on the opinions of other friends, without even clearly knowing what they are concluding & judging about! I have experienced this many times in my interaction with friends…

It is so sad that an honest person like Daniel would finally decide to leave the company of his friends & church, because almost nobody would relate & understand him & his peculiar ways. People spend more time seeking to rebut what is being said, as compared to trying to understand & respond receptively to the person’s words.

I know & realized that putting on masks in different situations & with different people is something that is a fact & won’t change very much. Yet how do people view honesty nowadays? Is it still of value & importance? Or just only when it is relevant, beneficial, most often positive, expected to be warmly received & when something can be done about it?

A Movie to Watch Out for in 2006!

It’s ‘The Pirates of the Caribbean’ again… in its second sequel. Yeah!

I just love the movie trailer… Johnny Depp is just so hilarious… I just love his cocky-ness! He always tries to act like a smart ass… =)

King of Skull Island

I watched the movie ‘King Kong’ with Rebecca this evening. Going for a movie has become quite a costly ‘luxury’ for me, now that both my Dad & I are without a job, but I decided to go ahead with this movie, since it’s the last few days of Rebecca’s holidays… & I hoped to spend a nice time together.

As a whole, I found the movie rather slow-moving (i.e. the beginning of the story before reaching Skull Island) & humorously silly at times (e.g. when King Kong adjusted the broken jaw of the last T-Rex that he wrestled & killed).

Good scenes

The best part & also a new unique addition to this modern version of ‘King Kong’ is the fight scene with the Tyrannosaurus Rexes. It was the most tensed moment for me, as I clenched tightly to my seat & watched the grueling fight going on between the big hairy age & those ‘sharp tooth’. I must say that it was a very fascinating fight scene, with King Kong thumping, slamming, wrestling & flinging aside the attacking T-Rexes. I would love to watch this portion of the film again, though it is about the only portion which I found exciting & worth watching.

Beside the thrill from this scene, the other scene which brought shivers down my spine was the scene where all sorts of scorpions, spiders, bugs, insects & hidden cave creatures appeared at the dark valley & attacked the men. That was really scary… & I really hated scorpions all the more after watching that scene. Not forgetting that I had also recently watched deadly scorpions over National Geographic channel too…

The female lead actress, Naomi Watts is such a beauty! She acted as Ann Darrow in this movie. I just stared in awe during the scene when she was posing on the deck of the ship, against the scenic sunset background! She just so beautiful… Both Rebecca & I agreed that she looks quite like Nicole Kidman.

Poor scenes

I felt that the scene where King Kong was destroying all that was in its path in New York City wasn’t as thrilling as the similar scene in the old King Kong movie. In fact, somehow, I find the old King Kong character more fearful & awesome looking. This modern King Kong outlook seemed to make it look more like a bigger sized ape, than a gigantic beast. The effect just wasn’t there…

The last part where King Kong climbed the tower wasn’t as exciting as I hoped it to be. It really looked too much like a digital animation or camera trick, compared to the old version of King Kong. Having watch the old movie, I knew that King Kong would fall to its death, while trying to protect his lady… but the way King Kong fell just looked too much like the last scene in the movie ‘Titanic’, where Jack held onto the wooden door (or whatever that was), gazing at Rose, before he slipped into the dark icy water.

My movie rating

Oh well… I guess I would rate it as 8/10 for King Kong’s fight scene with the T-Rexes & probably 6/10 for the overall movie.

In View of Eternity

After much unhappiness upon hearing the bad news about my Dad’s contract job termination, I struggled through my bible study for today. It really was a struggle because my mind was bursting out questions & grudges to God. And possibly, a few of them directed against God… Yet even with my current family situation, God still revealed some truths, as I mentally struggled through the bible study.

Fulfillment by ‘Doing’

I learnt that we are a ‘doing’ people generation. We seek to find fulfillment by what we do. We begin to feel useless when we don’t seem to be doing anything that makes us feel fulfilled. This is undoubtedly very true in our generation.

The author challenged us with this question – “If you knew that all you had was a relationship with God, would you be totally & completely satisfied?”

This question really stumped me, coz I never thought about it this directly before. Personally, I guess it’s very difficult to comprehend being 100% satisfied coz God made us as humans with needs, which He provides. And human beings are independent of God, themselves or even the world that surrounds us. That’s the confusing part coz we do see such similar verses appearing many times in the Bible. From my understanding, perhaps these verses are to direct us towards focusing & relying on God, rather than being overly attached & obsessed by the things of the world.

Created not for Time, but for Eternity

It suddenly dawned upon me that so very often we perceive our lives’ journey as a means & daily attempt to live to the fullest before we die. Be it living to the fullest in the secular context, for non-believers; or attempting to combine both human preferential activities & Christ-like behavioral mindset, & live to the fullest possible.

The author rebuked us for having such a misunderstood mindset. He explained that by thinking so, we would have missed the ultimate purpose of creation, i.e. the reason why God even decided to create us in the first place.

Firstly, God created us, so that He could love us & that we would choose to love Him back. Secondly, when God created us, that was our beginning… & it is a mistake to think that our end means we die & go to Heaven. That is the wrong mindset, coz there is no end to a Christian’s life… but rather a future for a Christian!

Note the difference – we Christians are to think of our lives as a ‘future’, not an ‘end’ itself! Coz that’s exactly what Jesus Christ died to give us when we accepted Him into our lives… so that we will live in eternity in Heaven with Him!

Thus we are tasked during our time on Earth, to go through experiences that will develop our character into similarity with Jesus Christ. If not, how will be we able to appreciate & live in the fullness of the dimensions in Heaven? Furthermore, the experiences & the growing process that we go through on Earth will determine how we would be useful when we get to Heaven.

I suppose in a way, this kind of relates to the crises & tough situations that we are faced with in my life… so that over time; we would learn & develop the mind similar to that of our Lord Jesus Christ. And with that, we will be able to experience the fullness of what God has to offer us when we get to Heaven!

Of course, it is easy to say when one is not going through the ordeal, but even though we may need & take time to regain our composure, it doesn’t make truth any less truthful…

Another Unfortunate Happening

Bad news – My Dad came home this evening & told us that his contract job will not be continued & terminates by the end of this work week. This news caught us unaware. I couldn’t see my Mum’s reaction coz she was behind me, but I sensed that my brother was temporarily stunned upon hearing the news.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t stunned, coz I definitely was… but after having been asked to leave my job by a tyrannical female boss, as well as hearing quite a few friends of mine who encountered a similar situation, it really didn’t dawn on me that this was life breaking news. Yet I was shaken… but just didn’t want to show it. Coz at that moment, I hadn’t really got in touch with my true inner feelings.

I tried to appear & sound steady by telling my Dad that we’ll just look for another job. I also asked if he did try to request to apply for another job in the same company, but my Dad didn’t want to. No one else in the living room said a word, so I left it as it is & carried on with my dinner.

The thing about me is that I normally get in touch with my true inner thoughts & feelings when I’m all by myself in my room. Perhaps this one aspect about the introverted Matthew…

I began pacing around my room, folding & unfolding my arms to my chest… feeling all fidgety, as more & more unhappiness surfaced from my mind. I was upset… & in fact, even more demoralized about this additional happening to my family.

It’s been 4 months since I was told to leave my job at StarHub. Even before that, my Dad had already gone through a few rounds of job terminations. And it so frustrates me, coz I now know how it feels like & my own Dad had to go through several times!

After being sacked from his previous company at the airport, my Dad attempted to go into financial planning. He struggled in this line for about 1 & ½ years, without much glimpse of any probable prospect & future. In fact, progress was so slow & limited that his monthly take-home pay was only a few hundred dollars. I saw him during that period of time & I knew that he was discouraged. Yet I didn’t know how to speak to him about it. I did try once to ask him if he would tell me how he got sacked from his job at the airport, but he declined to explain in detail. It must have been very drastic, coz he was ordered to leave immediately.

With financial planning not working out for him, my Dad attempted to move into the real estate industry, but also without any positive outcome. The only thing that he ended up doing was staying around at open-house show flats at various locations & explaining to prospective walk-in customers. And that kind of work only involved about 3 – 4 hours of work & the job was paid per hour.

That’s why I absolutely detest those secular motivational talks & speakers. Coz these people just do it for the money & claim this, claim that. As if everyone can be a winner. The truth is that only the minority would become top achievers in industries such as financial planning & real estate. Since everyone wants to make big money, but who will be the customers? The market ‘pie’ can only be big up till a certain extent, especially in this small country of Singapore. More people coming into the industry, means an even smaller share of the ‘pie’ is left for each person… with the ‘big guys’ are constantly taking up huge chunks of this ‘pie’.

To bring matters slightly further, whether these people are financial planners, investment planners or independent financial advisories, its total crap in terms of work ethics coz these people will sell whatever gives them the highest return or commission, not necessarily what’s best for their customer. It’s an ‘eat or be eaten’ kind of industry. And anybody with basic knowledge of economics can figure out the concept that when somebody gains more, it has to come at the expense of another person. Think about it.

Believe me, for a father like my Dad who hardly watches movies or VCDs unless someone watches them at home… it can be most shocking that there was a point in time when he believed that so strongly in these motivational gurus, that he even bought their VCD to watch them at home! I mean, come on! Can watching this VCD & feeling all hyped up bring money into the family? My Dad even bought laminated posters to put around the hall, so that he could be reminded & motivated. I tried to talk him out several times, but in the end, I gave up & soon, my Dad realized it for himself.

Finally, my Dad decided to leave these industries & forget about all those motivational speeches that drive people into a frenzied money craze. What more needs to be said about the “love of money is the root of evil”? It had already distorted my Dad’s mind & heart, brought him through almost 2 years of endless door knocking, cold calling, standing at MRT stations, etc. In the end, his hopes were just dashed & he became even more discouraged & distraught than when he first started along this path of eminent frenzy, obsession, worry & confusion.

After some time of searching, my Dad landed himself in a telemarketing job that he held for a year. It was a very tiring job that requires talking & selling over the phone for at least 8 hours a day… & for a highly introverted person like him, it was almost a ‘killer’. Still, he persisted for a year, before the bad news was dropped on him today.

His boss decided to terminate his contract & told him that he doesn’t need to come to work anymore next week. Worse still, his boss deemed his performance was not satisfactory (my Dad thinks that it’s because he’s in his 50s) & refused to give him any bonus, despite him working for a year in this job!

Outside at the hall when my Dad shared this with the family, I didn’t know how to react, especially since I already had a taste of the cruelness of the working world. It’s a total piss-off & many have lived to testify to this fact.

So there I was in my room, finally gotten in touch with my thoughts & feelings… then getting all uptight, angry & then furious about this whole happening! What the heck? All that tiredness, all that unhappiness at work, all the long hours & all the stress from a 3-monthly renewable job contract… & not even a bit of bonus?! I felt that I could identify with my Dad coz I went for the StarHub Anniversary Dinner, before I got sacked some time after. My Dad also just came home from a short weekend overseas company get-together trip at Malacca last week… & today he was asked to leave! Just like that! I was furious that vulgarities began spilling out & hovering inside my head…

With effect from this coming week, & yes… it is the START of a BRAND NEW YEAR… both my Dad & his son (i.e. myself) will be officially unemployed. What the #$%^%#@&#@???!!!!! And it was just two nights ago, when my Dad came into my room & told me that he doesn’t know how this new year would be like… I could sense much worry & fear in his voice, but again, didn’t know how to encourage him, coz I myself am also in this ‘shit’.

I don’t know who to turn to, coz I just feel so crushed, crumpled, discouraged & demoralized! Where’s the hope? I really don’t know… It is always so easy & common for friends to fall back on the similar sounding words or Biblical quotes that are supposed to encourage us victims, but seriously, quite often, it doesn’t work just like that! Of course, it is not to say that such words or verses of encouragement are useless, but I STRONGLY believe that words & actions have to be APPROPRIATE for the victim’s state & situation. And it’s only so easy to feel disgusted, again & again, by people who speak mere words.

Seriously, I think the truth is to learn, discern & pray for the wisdom of what words & actions to take, when faced with a person’s situations or crises in life. For some, perhaps a shoulder to cry on would be a good start. For others, perhaps sharing a relevant testimony would encourage the victim’s heart. For some, Bible verses may be appropriate straightaway. For others, giving them time to brood, scream, shout, grumble or yell over their emotions. And there are some who will just go off for an exhausting run to clear his or her thoughts. I also once read a book that recommended a person to sprint as fast as he can, for as long as he can… until he finally collapses on the running track out of breath & out of exhaustion. Believe me - I tried that before in my earlier secondary school days. I’m not sure if it really worked, but I did manage to let off some steam & anger.

Another method could include going to the beach & yelling again & again at the roaring seas… yes, I tried that too in secondary school. And yet another method could be to vent anger by physical force. I tried that too… when I was in primary school, I kicked my classroom meter ruler with one swift kick & it broke. Of course, I had to pay for it… but that wasn’t the point. In secondary school, I walked into my classroom after school was over & gave the notice board a solid punch that ripped a hole through the colored backing & right into the middle of the soft wood notice board. Yes, it was one punch & I was a scrawny boy in secondary school. I think there was a little, little bit of blood on my knuckles, but I was too angry to bother.

And guess what? Ripping a single punched hole in my class notice board didn’t stop me. The next time I was so angry, I decided to punch the tree trunk in front of my classroom. Yes, I really did that… no kidding. I think there was a bit more blood this time round, but what the heck…

I fought in secondary school too, especially in retaliation against those who bullied me. I still got bullied, but at least I was doing something back at them too. There was one time, when I did a flying kick at another boy & sent him curling up in pain for awhile. If I remembered correctly, I think I also punched a boy once.

I had also punched, pushed & hit my brother last time… when I fell into a rage against him. Thinking back, it’s really scary what anger can do… but that was me a long time ago.

Thinking back about these happenings in my life, I realized how important it is to have a trusted friend or close one to turn to & whom is able to properly respond to me. Of course, this doesn’t mean that this trusted person has to go through all that I went through, coz everyone’s path in life is different. But I think discernment, tact & proper understanding of the situation & the victim will go a long way in helping this person in need.

For me, I find it highly encouraging to find hope & be re-inspired by relevant testimonies of those who had lived through similar situations as whichever crisis that I’m faced with. Maybe that’s why I’m always so motivated by movies or bibliographies that portray a true story behind it.

Well, this is what I have found out about myself so far… & I sure hope that I can find out how to help my Dad too… or whichever friend or close one that undergo a crisis. I have been through a relatively fair share of troubles, pain & happenings in my life… & I really know how it feels like to be in need of such a person or friend. And I think that’s what would compel me to come alongside such victims & encourage, guide & share my testimony with them during this time.

Dear God… please help my family through these crises & equip me to help others who are faced with similar situations as me… Amen.

Why a Love Relationship with God?

In today’s bible study, I learnt that a love relationship with God is the key to experiencing Him in your life.

In Mark 12:30, Jesus said that the greatest commandment of all is to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart & with all your soul & with all your mind & with all your strength.”

Simply put, to experience a Christian life, it is important to experience Christ, i.e. experience God. Without having this experience & living in this experience, how can we consider ourselves living as a Christian? How can a person be a Christian without Christ?

Taking the first step of faith towards salvation is also the first step in becoming a Christian. Further steps are necessary to become a growing & mature Christian. And this comes in the form of developing a love relationship with God.

Relationships can come in many kinds. It can be a brotherly relationship, a romance relationship, a parent-child relationship, or even a selfish-seeking relationship that seeks to get, more than give to others.

But the Bible tells us that we are to pursue a love relationship with God. From my view point, this love relationship isn’t developed based on your personal self-seeking demands & wants in your life. Neither is it based on everyday grumblings & unhappiness about people, things or happenings.

To pursue a relationship means that we have to start loving God. How to love God? The answer is by obeying His commands. John 14:21 states, “Whoever has My commands & obeys them, he is the one who loves Me. He who loves Me will be loved by My Father, & I too will love him & show Myself to him.”

Yes, it is not easy to love… as it is, many people are already having so much problems trying to love their siblings, parents, girlfriend / boyfriend, spouse, church members, colleagues, bosses, criminals & country politicians… how more difficult would it be to seek to love God?

But it is still essential to continually seek a love relationship with God. Just like many out there, I too struggle with obeying God’s commands & seeking to love Him. But struggling doesn’t mean that it’s not going to work out. Not trying means it’s not going to work out.

And I believe that if we truly & honestly tell God our struggles & pray that He help us develop such a relationship with Him… Our Heavenly Father is listening… & He will definitely guide us along this path with Him. We just need to keep our eyes on Him… hold onto the faith (whatever amount) that we have… & keep praying… & God WILL answer. And when we look back, we will see the path that He has laid for us all these while…

Confused by the Sky

Some days earlier, Rebecca & I made plans to meet at Changi Airport T2 to buy some simple food stuffs from Cold Storage, before heading off to the nearby beach near the airport, for a quiet evening picnic.

This has been quite a memorable spot for us coz we don’t often go there (it’s a bit out of the way) & the last time we went there for an evening picnic, we were almost attacked by several crabs coming onshore during the high tide! And these crabs aren’t just one or two… they came ashore in groups!

I could recall that it was relatively dark & yet both of us could detect movement around the sandy shore, coz there were quite a number of crabs making their way towards the shore! If I remember clearly, I even tried to fend them off using an umbrella or something… before Rebecca & I decided to pack up & go, before that spot became more infested with sea crabs!

Anyway, we made plans to visit this place again this late afternoon. Yet this outing didn’t work out due to our confusions about the sky. Seriously, it must have been quite sometime, since I got so confused over the pending weather.

Before I left the house, I looked out my toilet window to check if the sky was grey. If so, we would need to think up a back-up program. But the sky looked fine, so I walked off to the bus stop. Upon reaching the bus stop, I took a look up at the sky & began to notice some grey portions of clouds. But I messaged Rebecca to tell her what I saw, but agreed to meet up at the airport first, before making our final decision about tonight’s plan.

As I traveled in the bus towards the airport, I noticed that the sky was clearing & Rebecca messaged me that the sky is clear at T2. After reaching & eventually scouting around & buying some non-messy food stuffs from Cold Storage, we went to take the bus to that nearby beach.

Alighting from the bus, the sky looked quite fine still & both of us were glad. We started walking to our usual spot where we would lay out the newspapers. Btw, we prefer to newspapers than straw or plastic mats, coz newspapers can use & then immediately throw away, lightening your load by quite a lot! Heh heh heh… I enjoy traveling light!

Upon reaching that spot, the sky seemed to suddenly get darker. It was weird coz there we were, just finishing laying our newspapers on the sand & we looked up finding ourselves right in the middle of two sides of the sky! One side dark & the other side clear. Despite thinking for some time, we still didn’t know what to decide.

As if the sky gave us a reply to our thoughts, suddenly Rebecca began to feel light raindrops… a few moments later, I felt them too. Being in the middle of these two differing sky outlooks, we decided to stay a little longer & see how it goes. Looking around us, other families & couples were also sitting around, trying to figure out what plan of action to take.

Soon, the raindrops began to get a little heavier, so Rebecca & I packed up our stuff, threw away the newspapers & quickly walked to the bus stop… while on the way, brainstorming on where’s the next best place to go… especially since we had so ‘much’ food to eat.

Upon nearing the bus stop, suddenly the rain stopped & the sky began to clear a bit. It couldn’t have been because we had walked very far, coz we hadn’t… & we were walking in the direction of the darker side of the sky. So the fact that the sky seemed clearer now, could be a sign that it might not rain afterall! But drats… we already threw away our newspapers!

So here we were, sitting at the bus stop, eating a packet of dried cranberries, while waiting for the bus to come. We eventually decided to eat our picnic food at Rebecca’s house, but this bus doesn’t go there, so we decided to flag for a cab. Then we realized that this particular bus stop is so far in, that no cab would normally drive in. So we had to wait for the bus, then alight near my house, then take a cab from there to her house.

While on the bus, we were still wondering if it was a mistake to throw away our newspapers so quickly. Then Rebecca accidentally brought up the topic about eating ‘Sen Mian’ at the hawker centre near her home & it got me all tempted to forgo all the picnic food that we bought & feast on two bowls of delicious minced pork noodles! Aka ‘Bah Chor Mee’… =)

Alighting from the bus, we crossed the road to flag a cab. The moment after stepping onto the pavement, a black crow started to swoop by Rebecca! Rebecca screamed & frantically moved away, leaving me stunned at why this black crow would want to do something like that. Right at the next very moment, that same black crow flew up from behind, clawed Rebecca at the top of her head & flew away! Rebecca screamed loudly & started to run away, covering her head with her hand! I was stunned & didn’t know what to do! That black crow attacked so fast & from behind, such that both of us were in a state of shock! It was a horrible experience for Rebecca & her head hurt quite a bit. Hey, fancy being clawed by a black crow?! Grrrrr…

I told Rebecca to wait at the bus stop, while I moved ahead to flag a cab. A few times I looked back & saw Rebecca still covering her head with her hand, looking so afraid that the black crow could come back & attack her. Seeing her the way she looked, I didn’t know whether to smile in amusement or hide my smile.

As I waited for the cab, suddenly it began to drizzle again. Argh! What’s with the weather? Why can’t it make up its mind! Thank God that we quickly got a cab & Rebecca was so relieved to get out of the rain & away from the dangerous black crow. That crow deserves to be shot! Huh!

Rebecca bought two popiah & I bought two packets of minced pork noodles back to her home. I feasted on my noodles, while she went to shower off whatever germs that were on the claws of that vicious black crow. Hey, it was her first time getting clawed by a crow leh…

And you know what? After coming back to her home, the sky never did rain! Seriously, I don’t remember when was the last time I had gotten so confused by the weather! We practically wasted 2 & ½ hours going there & back… & in the end, ended up being right back at her home. Sigh!

So instead of having a picnic at the beach, we had our dinner, watched the VCD ‘Mr. & Mrs. Smith’, snacking on our picnic food, played PC games, observed her hamster, etc. The most amusing part was when we decided to lay out all the food stuffs that we bought on the living room floor & take a photo to remind us of this strange weather that had created so many blunders for us. When we had laid out all the food, we looked at the small pile of food & started laughing & laughing! It was so comical because both of us had the impression that we had bought a lot of food, but actually there wasn’t much! In fact, Rebecca commented that she wondered if we would be even anywhere close to being full, from eating this small amount of food stuffs! *Laugh*… it was so funny… =)

The whole evening went well even though the VCD ‘Mr. & Mrs. Smith’ wasn’t exactly very nice… both of us agreed so. But it was a memorable time spent together… & all started because of the weather. Hahahaha…

A Christmas Day Well Spent?

I had an awful nightmare on the night of Christmas Eve. I dreamt that I was at a resort with swimming pools that has sharks inside & I desperately tried to escape. Then I dreamt that I got mugged & kidnapped by a mafia gang & it so happened that one of them was my secondary school good friend David Tng whom I have been hoping to meet him somewhere or anywhere in Singapore, so that we could regain contact. Thereafter, my dream continued with another scary happening which I can’t recall already. All these scary happenings resulted in me waking up with my underwear & shorts slightly wet from sweat! Wah! I seldom dream until sweat this much… & the worse consequence is that I woke up at 12pm, missing both Christmas church services!

Initially, I felt quite down, wondering if this would be how I would be spending my Christmas Day this year. The only highlight that I could think of was going to a Christmas potluck gathering at my Aunty Margaret’s house later in the evening. Well, it’s still something to look forward to, especially the vast table-full of Christmas food. This meant especially a lot to me, when my daily breakfast consists primarily of either whole grain bread with fillings, or instant noodles with ingredients. Yet, knowing myself to be occasionally thrill-seeking, I wondered if this event would be interesting enough to be considered something meaningful that I did to spend my Christmas Day this year. Doubts assailed, as I tried to shake this downcast feeling out of my mind, even though it did bug me, a few times throughout the afternoon.

It was some hours later that I realized that I should learn to look beyond my emotions. Christmas isn’t solely a time for good, fun & exciting happenings. There are many who are doing guard duty in Army camps, working at retail outlets all around the entertainment-crazed Singapore, some who may be unwell & not able to go out to celebrate, taxi drivers having less sleep & less family time while working overtime during this festive season, disabled or paralyzed people, as well as those who may be spending this day alone, without the company of their friends or relatives today.

With these thoughts amidst in my mind, I started to feel blessed & thankful. At least, I would be blessed with a whole table spread of delicious Christmas food that far surpassed my daily meal varieties! And like I said earlier, that meant something to me already. Plus, at least I had the liberty to attend gatherings & mingle with my relatives! I definitely feel more at ease being around my own relatives, as compared to the whole HDB flat full of strangers at Rebecca’s relatives gathering the night before… but still, at least I wasn’t alone. And that also meant A LOT to me.

It was sad that Sean couldn’t organize the disco outing with me & his friends, because he lost his mobile phone again in a taxi. I do hope that there might come another time when we could meet up & do something together again. If not, it would be quite sad to just meet & get to know Sean’s friends only once in a year during his birthday. Even so, I’m glad that Sean has many friends that he meets up quite often… & may this coming New Year be a good & enriching experience for him.

Anyway, my relatives, cousins & I watched ‘Parent Trap’ & ‘Princess Diaries’ during & after our sumptuous dinner. I was particularly amazed at how Lindsay Lohan looked when she was such a young kid, when she filmed the movie ‘Parent Trap’. ‘Princess Diaries’ wasn’t a new show to me as well, but my Mum & Aunty Lilian enjoyed it a lot…

Thereafter, I went into a room to play with my younger cousins, all of them at least 10 years younger than me. I found that I could make young kids laugh when I exclaim certain remarks or crap certain jokes. Well, at least for this batch of primary & secondary school cousins, as well as occasionally my CG youths. But of course, being a full-fledged teacher is quite a different thing, coz then I won’t be just having fun with them, but having to teach, discipline & manage a whole class of crazy kiddos. It tires me from playing with kids too, but I guess over time, I learnt how to play with them, with minimal intensity & dry humor, such that I won’t be as tired as I used to be last time. All in all, it was a good time…

The Christmas Lion

Today’s Christmas Eve. My day more or less ‘started’ when I went to watch the movie - 'The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch & the Wardrobe' with Joanne, Rebecca, Amos, Daniel & Daryl at Plaza Singapura.

It was a great show with a great ending, though a bit slow moving in the beginning. It’s like a make-believe fairy tale of entering into another world, after walking through a cupboard full of clothes & coming back into the world, just a moment after you had stepped out of it.

The part that really made an impression is about Aslan the lion. This lion symbolizes Jesus Christ, who made the boldest sacrifice of giving up His life to ransom the lives of others, in this case, a young boy's life. I love the lion's roar... thundering, yet so composed & courageous! He's my Hero!

My heart gripped at the scene where the lion walked right to the evil queen of Narnia to take the place of that young boy & be killed on the stone table. It really reminded me of the mood & scene from the ‘Passion of Christ’, just that this time; it’s in the form of a cartoon.

To me, that’s best part about Walt Disney films! It plainly showed that you don’t definitely need blood & gore to bring across a point or emotion. Even a cartoon with the right impressionable background sounds & music can give that same impact. Well, at least to me.

The war part between good & evil was thrilling too… with of course, the return of the lion & the final victory of good over evil. The truth is – good does eventually triumph over evil. It’s just a matter of how & when (i.e. God’s plan & timing).

I titled this Blog – The Christmas Lion because Jesus was born on Christmas Day & He is also referred to as the Lion in some parts of the Bible. Though I’m a fan of tigers, lions are quite fascinating & powerful animals too. Unlike Rebecca, who fancies penguins & after watching this movie, started to like beavers too. Hmm… I wonder if our differences in likings towards different animals have anything to do with the meaning of our Chinese names. Somehow, perhaps…

Anyway, we celebrated Joanne’s 23rd birthday at Gelare, after the movie. We treated her to a large waffle with single scoop ice-cream, as well as a surprise chocolate mud-pie! Thank God, we managed to obtain a candle from the counter staff & borrowed a lighter from a group of guys. *Phew!*

The last part of the day was going to a relatives’ gathering at Aunty’s Joyce’s house, near Feng Shan Primary School, where Rebecca teaches at. Aunty Joyce is Rebecca’s Mum’s sister, along with 3 other sisters & 1 brother. It was a relatively alright gathering; though I didn’t really get to talk much with her relatives, coz I’m still not very familiar with them. But I did get a chance to talk more with Uncle Yih Chiang, whom I shared a bit more about how I lost my previous job at StarHub & how I’m struggling to find another job right now.

I discovered today that Rebecca’s family & relatives take a very, very strong emphasis on buying, wrapping & giving presents during Christmas. It’s just completely unlike my relatives, who don’t really make it a point to buy, wrap & give presents to the children. In fact, I haven’t received a Christmas present from my relatives in years! Perhaps it’s because quite a number of us cousins have already grown up, so we are not longer kids who receive Christmas gifts.

It’s also very shocking & scary to see the bags after bags of potluck food, change of clothes, Christmas presents, etc that Rebecca’s family would tug along to the house for Christmas gathering. And carrying most of them back, since it’s a gift exchange & probably some unfinished food.

For my side, if it’s a pot-luck, each family just buys something over to the house, e.g. roast duck, stingray, dessert, agar jelly, etc. Simple – just one plastic bag, that’s all. We don’t a lot, so there usually isn’t much leftover, so just bring home the empty pot or container. All in all, it was quite a shock & surprise. Witnessing all these really gave me second thoughts as to whether I’m able to go along with such practices. It’s scary… I’m not used to it at all… Hmm…

The Shredder

Yes, Elfie's the shredder! Since I introduced the piece of natural wood to him, he has been gnawing on both the wood & the cardboard toilet roll. In just a matter of a few days, he has completely shredded the cardboard toilet roll into many, many small shreds!

I watched him closely today & saw him mercilessly tearing, biting & gnawing at the cardboard roll. Boy, he was fierce! Don't give chance... Attack means attack... tear until shreds already still don't show mercy... still drag pieces of those shreds into his favourite corner & shred somemore! What a shredder! I don't know whether to be happy or afraid... Hahahaha... ferocious hamster! But Elfie's very nice to me, very tame... =)

Just Not Made To Be…

Perhaps it is my guess that most people would go through life with a certain occupation, accomplishment or something that he or she would wish to be given a chance to do or be.

I remember my Dad once told me that he wanted to become an electrician or a somewhat similar occupation after he passed his GCE ‘O’ levels back during the days of his teens. Due to his born color-blindness in recognizing certain colors like red, brown, etc… he could not become what he wanted to be.

Rebecca also shared with me that her Dad wanted to be a teacher at the later stage of his life, but couldn’t make the career transition due to his older age, family commitments & his role as the sole bread-winner.

I too have my hopes & dreams for myself since young till today. When I was in secondary school, I wanted to become an engineer. It’s funny thinking about it now, coz I didn’t know what was an engineer at that age, but this occupation was mentioned quite often by people around me & it sounded quite prestigious, so I decided, at that age, that I wanted to become an engineer.

Apart from having the hopes of such a career, I also had an ambition (in unison with my two other best buddies, which I have since lost contact with them) to become an Airborne Ranger in the SAF. This aspiration was inspired by a particular trainer who came down to my school to organize a teamwork camp for all the classes in secondary 2. I still remember that his name is Steven Chiang. This name stuck in my mind as well as my two best buddies, who were in the Scouts too.

Steven Chiang taught my class a lot about obstacles that develop teamwork & confidence. It was obvious that a huge majority of students didn’t really enjoy it, especially the girls. Thinking back now, I think I kind of looked down on girls when I was in secondary school. Why? Coz I found them sissy & weak. Little bit of sun, complain. Little bit of sweat, complain. No rain so have to go for PE lesson, complain. Completely unlike the girls & those unmotivated boys, I was a highly strung kid, raring to go… just like my two best buddies – Wee Chee Tat & David Tng Yue Phin.

Three of us took the initiative to chat with Steven Chiang… & even had morning breakfast with him at a coffee shop selling ‘roti prata’, just opposite my school. Steven is a very experienced trainer, who used to work as an Airborne Ranger in the Army, until he severely injured himself. He shared many stories about himself that shook the three of us, deep & right into our hearts. At the end of the teamwork camp, we decided to strive to become like him – an Airborne Ranger.

You know, the marvelous thing about being a kid, is that kids don’t keep on worrying as much as adults & kids don’t keep on thinking negative about a situation, in which they want to do something. In fact, since they have set their minds to do something, kids tend to ponder more on ways to do it, rather than why they shouldn’t or couldn’t do it.

At that age, at least to me & my best buddies… the sky’s the limit! We had great confidence in ourselves & we drove ourselves to be the best. We would stop at nothing to reach our aspirations in life. Even at that age, where $2 is quite a big amount of money to me & I only lived on $20 a week… I understood the meaning & value of living my dreams, rather than just living.

I thrived on adventure, on courage, on camaraderie among buddies. Even at that age, I knew in my heart that not being able to achieve & live my dreams is as good as not having lived at all. Believe me, it is indeed a very serious thought & conviction, even for a child of that age. And that child happens to be me.

Btw, Rangers is an elite group of the Commandos. I recall reading this from a military book some time ago… & I was amazed to read about this -

The term ‘Commando’ is a general term used to refer to highly trained soldiers who are able to operate & survive behind enemy lines. Centuries ago, such a term does not exist. It was first founded during a battle between two states or countries (I can’t remember), where a group of highly trained men were tasked to go ahead of the troops & try to gain access into the enemy’s castle. They were just a small group of very strong & agile soldiers, comprising no more than a mere handful in number. These soldiers scaled the castle wall & entered into the enemy’s castle, creating havoc inside, killing many enemy soldiers in the process. This destruction from within gave the troops a strong added advantage & they won the battle. Upon successfully employing this tactic in several subsequent battles… from then on, these special soldiers were referred by the term ‘Commando’.

In modern day context, ‘Commandos’ or ‘Special Forces’ refer to a great many groups of elite soldiers – Snipers, Rangers, Delta Force, Special Air Service (SAS), Green Berets, Navy SEALs, Underwater Demolition Team (UDT), etc.

And I wanted to be one of them. Which is why as I mentioned, it was rather naïve to think that a boy with high myopia, could qualify to become an elite soldier.

In JC, I wanted to get into the NUS Arts & Social Sciences faculty & study psychology & become a psychologist or somewhat after I graduated. That too didn’t happen coz my academic grades couldn’t get me a place in NUS. As it is, I found out the hard fact that being in the Arts faculty in JC, could only open doors like Arts & Social Sciences, Business Administration & NIE teacher training. As if that wasn’t limiting enough, my subjects taken didn’t even give me a chance to meet the basic requirements of many other faculties at our local universities. In the end, my parents had to pay a much higher fee to put me through a business course at SIM, which the local government takes a bias stand towards. How much worse can that get?

In the Army, I wanted to become an officer or at least a sergeant of a combat regiment. By the time I reached JC, I knew that my high myopia would not allow me to join the Special Forces… but I held hopes of at least joining the infantry, or if I could push my chances, maybe even the Guards (which are second to the Commandos). However, my hopes were turned down, not even giving me a chance to prove myself during BMT, solely because of my high myopia… I wasn’t even given a chance to get posted to a combat unit after BMT. Instead I was sent to a logistics unit & became an automotive technician who just wasn’t good at what I had to do… & in the end, got kicked out to another area which needed manpower, which so happened to be in my battalion’s operations centre.

Even before I entered BMT, I had a rather high level of physical fitness. During BMT, I surpassed most of my peers at IPPT & made it to the top 10% percentile in our entire company’s 2.4km run standing. I so badly wanted to challenge myself at the Standard Obstacle Course (SOC), but was denied due to my PES C1 status. It was infuriating! Then right now, during my brother’s recent enlistment, MINDEF changed the rules to allow PES C1 soldiers to opt to undergo SOC, as long as they had medical clearance. ARGH! SOC was a typical soldier’s most detested test item in standard BMT. But unlike the rest, I loved this challenge… especially since I had a lot of exposure & experience in obstacles during my 4 years in Scouts. In fact, I was quite good at it… plus I could run fast, which makes me an even more competent candidate for the SOC. I could almost swear (though I know I shouldn’t) that I would surpass most of my peers, just like I did for the IPPT & 2.4km run. And with Sean’s level of fitness, I believe both of us would have achieved a good timing for SOC too.

I mean, seriously… what’s wrong with life sometimes that people who wish to be somebody or in some occupation, just aren’t built or born that way? Of course, as Christians, we believe that God has a plan for our lives, so this should be the best path for us, as carved out by God. Yet… somehow a certain ‘fire’ still burns within the hearts of those who never wanted to give up their hopes & dreams… the hearts & aspirations still calling out to them… whatever age they might be… even if it meant having that thought linger as only a dream, for the rest of their life.

Fortunately or unfortunately, however myself or others choose to view this, I am one of such people. Sometimes I wonder if that’s why I feel so lost amidst all the various job occupations available in the business corporate sector.

Even despite having much better eyesight than before (though not 100% perfect), this is just but one lesser problem. Not many people know this, but I have a certain bit of night-blindness, even when I was wearing spectacles much earlier on. I used to think that it’s probably due to the lack of some vitamins, so for a period of time (years ago), I started to eat more carrots. But the condition remained the same. Perhaps I may be just born with it. Nobody is perfect anyway.

Even without these problems, I still have much of a dilemma concerning this dream of mine. Why? Coz this is Singapore, not the US. And since I’m now past the age of 25, a whole lot of other things have become more obvious & clear to me. Ideals have to be set aside, as earning a living, saving for the future, settling down, managing a marriage, bring up children & staying gainfully employed till a good retirement age, has become a total reality. It just cannot be avoided. Again, this is Singapore… a country without natural resources & a country that has to keep changing to stay current with the other developments in this world.

Subconsciously, even though I still have occasional dreams of such, whenever I awake from such dreams, I have to consciously shelf this dream of mine… far back into the depths of my memory. Believe me - I even had a dream of joining the Counter Terrorist team in Singapore. Yes, my subconscious dreams can be that country-specific too.

Recently, I have been reading fiction & non-fiction books on the US Navy SEALs. The fiction book was gripping & I found it difficult to put off reading… even when I went to the toilet to expel waste from my rectum. The non-fiction book, which I’m currently halfway through, is about a true account of an experienced & trained member of the Underwater Demolitions Team (UDT) who was chosen to start up & build the first SEAL team. Btw, ‘SEAL’ stands for ‘Sea, Air & Land’. These selected navy men were the best of the best, to be trained to operate & survive in the sea, air & land. In short… the best men from the UDT.

The accounts shared in this book were also gripping, heartening & sometimes even comical. It’s amazing how the author phrased or commented about certain events that happened in his life. And this isn’t just a story… this guy has really been there & done that. After reading his true accounts, I cannot but give respect to the US Navy SEALs… for they are really the best in the world.

Imagine a typical reported drop-out rate of 60% - 85% per intake… or in the specific account of this veteran, only 18 out of 124 candidates successfully completed the SEALs program… that’s 14.5% pass rate! And boy, I tell you… once these men passed out from the course… they would have really become changed men, with unsurpassed confidence, teamwork & camaraderie.

Natural wood

Since I got my young hamster last week, I have been on the lookout for natural wood for my hamster Elfie to bite & chew on. Hamsters need a source to chew on, so that they can maintain the length of their ever growing teeth.

I was skeptical about those commercial wooden blocks that are sold at pet stores, coz they have added colouring to make it look colourful, which isn't a natural wood smell to a hamster & I wouldn't like Elfie to be chewing on colouring anyway. Its just not natural & probably harmful to take into its body.

Thinking about it - it could be a possible reason why Rebecca's hamster Sebastian doesn't chew on those coloured ice-cream sticks which she got for him. This is how I started on the idea of scouting for a small piece of natural wood, leave it in Elfie's cage & see if Elfie chews on it instead of those commercially sold wooden blocks.

Whenever I walk home from the bus stop near my house, I would keep a lookout for wood lying near the trees. At the end of last week, I found this long piece of wooden branch that had fallen from a tree near my house. It was of reasonable width, slightly smaller than a hamster's body size & has corners that make it easier for a hamster to chew on, compared to trying to chew on the full width of the wood. So I used my feet & broke this wooden branch into 3 parts & took 1 part home.

Elfie loved it & ever since, he has been gnawing on it everyday. This kick-started his habit of chewing, which apparently Sebastian has not been doing, which isn't too good for a hamster coz its lower teeth would grow longer & improportionate to its upper teeth which gets a little bit of chiselling from chewing on its nuts & food.

After getting used to the habit of chewing on natural wood, Elfie started to chew on the small half toilet roll piece of circular inner cardboard too! Now he has two sources to chew & grind its teeth on. Yeah! Lesson to be learnt - artificially made stuff may not always work... especially on an animal who lives in the outdoors.

An Adventurous Dove

I attended a presentation cum feedback session organized by my JC friend’s start-up company this morning till afternoon at Fuji-Xerox Towers at Anson Road. The company is just 6 days old, started up by my SFC Ex-Co friend Leung Ming & his other NTU engineering counterpart.

They named the company ‘Job Match’, a HR consultancy private limited firm that performs similar functions as other job search agencies. Perhaps, a difference in this company is because it takes it a step further than just assisting job seekers in their job search, but also offers industry assimilation services that help bridge the gap between recent graduation & a person’s first job. In short, helping new graduates with their first start into their career.

As such, these two guys organized & invited their friends to attend this 4 hour session, where they did a mock presentation about their company & its services, & asked for feedback regarding their PowerPoint slides, presentation style, group games, personality profiling test, etc. In fact, they have just landed their first client with a manager in charge of a particular Prudential agency.

The audience was a small group of about 11 people, all whom are friends of either Ming or Gerald (his other co-partner). There was a recently graduated medical student named Angela who just became a doctor at Alexandra Hospital. The next odd-one-out was me, a business admin graduate who is currently unemployed at the moment. The rest of them were all either undergraduates or graduates from NTU mechanical engineering. It was a rather skewed combination of people as everyone found out during a short 1 minute self-introduction about ourselves.

But what really made an impression in my mind was my relative ease & ability to assimilate into a group of strangers whom I did not know at all, especially when almost everyone is from NTU & from engineering. It made me wonder if there was some sort of personality evolution taking place within myself, coz I found myself able & comfortable in taking the initiative to relate, chat & laugh with Sean’s group of friends at his recent birthday celebration.

This kind of struck me, coz I always thought of myself as quite an introvert & many of my classmates telling me that I’m always so serious in secondary school & JC. I guess I really only let myself be myself when I’m with my own family, Rebecca & my best friend Sean. Apart from that, normally I would tend to be quite aloof & keep much of my thoughts to myself.

Perhaps it could be because I’m financially ‘confined’ to being at home most days of the week, which may result in my greater initiative in talking with strangers. But still, feeling lonely & bored at home doesn’t necessarily make me more open to relating with strangers… so I’m not really sure if there has been some bit of change in my personality recently, since I left my previous job at StarHub. Or maybe I felt so oppressed working under Gladys that this experience working under her kind of shook up a change in my personality after ‘liberation’ from her. I really don’t know… my mind’s been pretty mixed up with lots of thoughts & feelings since I left my last job there.

As part of the program, each participant had to do this personality profile test which categorizes each individual into one of the four birds – peacock, dove, owl & eagle. Each bird has its own nature, strengths & weaknesses, as I learnt when first did this back during my Leadership & Management Skills (LMS) module back at SIM. Back then, my results showed that I have a dove & owl personality, with a very low scoring in peacock & eagle personality tendencies.

This time, I rated a very high dove (16 pts) personality, with a very low score of owl (7 pts), peacock (6 pts) & eagle (2 pts) characteristics. And like the title of this Blog entry, perhaps I find myself an adventurous kind of dove that finds challenge & variety working with people, even though some can sometimes be annoying. Adventurous also in the sense that I like adventure sports e.g. trekking, kayaking & who knows… maybe even scuba diving, in future! Aha! Simply put - activities that get me in touch with nature.

Anyway, even though this result wasn’t shocking to me at first, it became a bit more shocking when I realized that I’m have the highest extreme rating in the entire group of people & this quite extreme personality results (as compared to before) kind of made me a bit worried about this change.

The result showed & confirmed that I have become an even more people-oriented person, rather than task-oriented. Which kind of puts me at quite a bad extreme state coz jobs nowadays focus A LOT on performance… & not just subjective performance, but on measurable performance.

And these thoughts also made me wonder if that’s why I felt so oppressed when working under Gladys (a very high eagle personality) & in such a dilemma as well as getting all upset from being chased by Gladys concerning so many things, even when its something as straightforward as coming out with distinct & measurable key performance indicators which determine how my job performance is being assessed.

To be really honest, I felt so much happier making friends at StarHub, even when tyrannized by Gladys. I wonder if this should be the kind of job which I should be exploring towards – those people-oriented kinds of jobs that involve building relationships with people. I wouldn’t say that I have very good interpersonal skills, but I guess building relationships with people give me a lot of satisfaction in life, than just hitting goals & targets alone… which sadly, is emphasized largely as the bottom-line intention of every money-making company, even unfortunately for a not-so-profit organization like the NKF. Sometimes, I guess it’s really the kind of people that counts…

A Birthday to Remember

19th December 2005. Sean’s 25th birthday. Great day… Great happenings…

I was supposed to go an Orchard KTV to celebrate Sean’s birthday in the afternoon, but due to some of his friends not being able to make it in the afternoon (it is afterall still a working day), Sean & I decided to watch VCD at my house & swim, before going for the KTV with his friends from 6 – 10pm.

Sean picked this thriller VCD titled ‘Phone Booth’, which he wanted to watch last time coz he heard that it’s nice, yet didn’t get to watch it in the end. So he chose to show & watched with much astonishment at how “bizarre” (yup, that’s his actual descriptive word) things could get from just a mere phone call. But glad he enjoyed the show.

Before going down for a short swim & relax in the pool, I showed Sean my pet hamster. I fed Elfie a piece of ikan bilis & Sean was amused that it likes ikan bilis! I carried Elfie in my hands & asked Sean if he would like to touch its fur. I think he likes the soft smooth fur. Then I offered Sean an ikan bilis to feed Elfie, but Sean was so afraid that it would bite & dropped the small tiny piece of ikan bilis twice! *Laugh*… After demonstrating how to feed it, Sean finally succeeded in getting Elfie to bite on the ikan bilis & start chewing away! Yeah!

The experience at the pool was a memorable one for me. Firstly, I realized that Sean could swim like a fish… a few strokes & he reached the middle & soon the end of the pool! I exclaimed, “Eh! Are you a fish or what?” Shocking!

Then I found out that Sean was previously from his school swimming team! I was utterly bewildered coz I didn’t expect him to be so good! Swimming back to the starting point together, I suddenly stopped & said to him, “Wah… I never knew you were so talented! Can swim, can bowl, can run & can sing! I just realized that I can only run!” And in my mind, I was thinking – even running was a time of my past. I’m no longer a runner. Stamina dropped like crazy already. And for that moment, I felt like I’m just so lack of talent! Not good at so many things…

Oh yah, I remembered asking Sean to teach me how to bowl & play badminton, before we entered the pool. As usual, I inched myself slowly, bit by bit into the cold pool water. Sean, on the other hand, jumped & splashed his entire body straight in! I was stunned… for a moment, I thought he had lost his mind or something… it was awfully cold water! What a friend… he surprises me at times!

Before we decided to head off to the other side of the pool, with the water massage areas & hot water pools, Sean challenged me to a one lap race & gave me 5 seconds head-start. I exclaimed, “Huh? 5 seconds? That doesn’t amount to anything at all!” But nonetheless, I started off first… before I saw Sean catch-up on me, after about 8 seconds later. See? I told you that these 5 seconds was no point! Yeah, & he touched the other side about 5 seconds ahead of me. I would have thought that he should have reached much earlier, but maybe he decided that I wasn’t much of a challenge anyway, so slowed down. Ok ok… swimming isn’t my thing…

Upon reaching the other side of the pool, I showed Sean the spots where we can enjoy some pressured water massage. He enjoyed it & I was glad. Somehow I just feel happy when I make people happy. I think this world really needs A LOT more fun & laughter to walk through each person’s journey in life. And I’m just very glad that Sean & I share so much nonsensical laughter together… It’s like two-fold blessings to me… to have two nonsensical close friends in my life – Sean & Rebecca. Sometimes, laughing with them just makes me temporarily forget the troubles of this world… Really thank God for them…

Then the scary thing happened – I felt my swimming trunk pocket & couldn’t find my house door key! My mind screamed, “Oh no! OH NO!!! Not again!” So very quietly, I swam away from the spot where Sean was having his water massage & began searching round the big swimming pool floor, a few times over, back & forth. I didn’t want to alert Sean coz I didn’t want to spoil his enjoyable & relaxing time at the pool & waste it on searching with me for my lost house key.

So I looked & searched underwater (it’s quite a big pool), I was praying to God in my mind, “Please God… please help me find it… if not, I can’t go for the KTV with Sean! Coz I can’t get into my house to bathe & change! Was it a bad idea not to bring down my stuff to bathe at the clubhouse? Then if this happened, I would still be able to go for the birthday celebration… Why are You letting this happen now… today? Please lah, God… please… I really don’t wish to walk back to where he is & tell him that I have lost my house key, during my pathetic 30m swim challenge with him. He would be so upset! And so will I be… Please, God…”

I lost count of how long I searched the pool floor. A small part of my mind wondered if the other residents at the pool were wondering what on earth am I doing… but I couldn’t care less now… coz I just wanted to find that key, so that the birthday program will go on as planned. As I searched & searched… my morale dropped & dropped. Occasionally, I felt around my swimming trunk to feel if I had really dropped the house key. And it is true… I couldn’t find any key inside my swimming trunk. I was so sad… the saddest moment of the day for me.

Finally, I decided to give up & walked back to tell Sean, looking all discouraged & upset. He saw that look on my face & asked me what happened. I just shook my head & searched the floor of the pool near the water massage spot & the spot where I went earlier to press the buttons to turn on the water blasts. No key.

After my last bit of morale was left me, I went over to Sean & told him the bad news. I couldn’t read the expression on his face… or maybe it’s because my mind has switched off due to all the upset feelings inside. Then I gave one last feel around my swimming trunks & suddenly, I felt the hard metal key! I was momentarily stunned… how could it be? I checked & checked just now! I felt around all over my swimming trunks earlier at the big pool! How come it suddenly appeared? Was it something that God wanted to hint to me about? For example, that sometimes when we have exhausted our own human efforts, that God will make a way out, even though everything seems impossible? That if it is really His will, things will still go as planned? Perhaps…

Nonetheless, I REALLY REALLY thank God for helping me find my house key. If not, it would be my 3rd time losing it at my own home swimming pool… Sigh… someone should redesign a more useful swimming trunk to contain house keys, coz it is dangerous to just leave it lying at our bags.

The water foot reflexology spot was not working, so we chatted & relaxed at the lying down warm water pool. Sean enjoyed the short time of lying down water pressure massage… & I felt happy that he’s happy.

After our bath, we decided to take a cab to Orchard coz it was getting a bit late. So we shared the cost of the taxi fare & reached at 5:45pm, enough time to grab a bite from Old Chang Kee. I bought a delicious stick of sotong balls & a curry puff. Oh boy, I was really hungry! Only had 3 slices of bread for brunch…

We reached the place called Party World KTV, near Orchard Heeren. Sean was asking me, if his friends would be sharing the cost of the KTV booking with him, but I said I don’t know coz, in my opinion, it depends on the culture or practice of the group & whether any of them bring along presents for Sean.

The place was quite posh & I kind of liked it… definitely better than K-Box. But it’s very expensive! I was stunned to see that a normal glass of bubble tea cost $8.50, when it only costs $1.50 - $2 elsewhere! And can you imagine, beer costing up to $188? Shocking!

Sean & I started singing first… to be more specific, Sean himself started singing first. I was amazed at his God-given singing voice & it initially made me feel afraid to sing, coz I knew that I didn’t really have a singing voice. I could counsel, I could scold, I could shout & I could imitate sounds & voices from movie characters (especially funny ones)… but to me, wow… singing is an entirely & totally different ‘ball game’. I know nuts about singing & couldn’t really sing.

Just to recap a bit from the past – I did consider taking up a short course in public speaking, singing, etc. But as usual, it’s all a money issue… something which I don’t have, even at day-to-day ‘bread & butter’ level. Yeah, I mean it… I’m actually eating bread on most mornings & afternoons, every week, for weeks & weeks on end. It’s a sucky feeling to notice that I have lost quite a bit of muscle mass already, coz of the lack of carbohydrates, protein & regular exercise. =(

Then soon after I chose one of the silliest song… & it is titled ‘Calcutta’… this formally dressed girl walked into the room. At first, I was stunned… she looked young… & had looks that were rather similar & reminded me about my ex-girlfriend Diana. Yeah, & the thought about Diana, made me look at this girl for a little while longer… Yeah… Diana has this cheerful & cute kind of look too.

After Sean introduced her to me, all my thoughts suddenly screeched to a halt, because I had to start singing this absolutely ridiculous song ‘Calcutta’ that go, “Ka Ku Ta… I’m driving my little taxi in…. Ka Ku Ta… Taxi taxi taxi in… Ka Ku Ta…” Oh man! I’m a singing CLOWN! I’m totally embarrassing myself in front of Sean & this Diana-look-alike, whose name was Jessilyn! Argh! What am I doing? While singing, I was scolding myself, “Matthew! Why did you have to choose this crazy nonsensical song?! And why in the world are you singing it now? Don’t you know that you are embarrassing yourself?!”

Finally, I was glad when that song ended… for it was a strikingly pathetic way of beginning my first song… & with a Diana-look-alike, sitting nearby. I didn’t even dare to imagine what sorts of thought was going through Jessilyn’s mind when she asked me, “You sing this kind of song?” Oh man! I could just faint right then & there! What have I done?! What an impression!

Whoever’s reading this, you must forgive me… coz when half my brain is semi-registering this very cute & nicely dressed girl who looked like my ex-girlfriend… & the other half screaming in embarrassment while singing an utterly ridiculous song, what’s more in front of Sean & her… at those moments, my brain absolutely can’t think right… really. Afterall, normally most people wouldn’t want to embarrass themselves when they come face to face with their ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend… even if it’s just a look alike. Urgh! Me & my brain! *Shaken look*

Jessilyn is Sean’s friend whom he got to know at his recently completed salsa dance class at Gitterbucks. What a fancy to get to take turns to dance with many girls! What an experience! Having that thought lingering in my mind made me feel a tinge of identifying why men would feel so happy being surrounded by girls around him. It’s like such a kingly experience to feel this way! Just like it used to be only a privilege for kings to have many concubines. I wouldn’t be surprised if common village men envied their king who have so many women accompanying him. I don’t know… just typing out my thoughts…

Anyway, Jessilyn has quite a sweet voice. It isn’t as loud as most of the other girls (volume doesn’t mean anything, especially if it’s just noise), but I kind of like it that way… soft, sweet & nice. She’s from SIM RMIT 26th intake, graduated one semester before me. And she really reminds of Diana… before later I realized that she also resembles very much like Freida from my ex-church CG! Oh dear! What an impression! *Faint*…

Another of Sean’s friend walked in… her name is Andrea. She didn’t look really the same as the last time I saw her, but it doesn’t really matter. Maybe I might have compared her to the wrong tanned girl, who is also a friend of Sean.

Andrea’s voice is quite okay too… though my impression of her is that she’s quite a loner… sitting by herself & singing KTV songs by herself. And the strongest impression made is this – she selects & sings her songs, several at one go! Aiyoh…

Soon, another two girls arrived – Sher Lin & Lydia. One of them is also from SIM, but graduated from the UOL (University of London) program. I think it’s Lydia, if I’m not wrong. These three girls are very nice… bought Sean a small birthday cake & present! I wonder if it was not very nice to ask them to contribute to the cost of the KTV booking, coz they already gave so much… but anyway, its over.

Subsequently, the guys came in. Xian Yong, Corey, Jai Sen & Evan were Sean's secondary school friends, & Chiam is Sean's JC friend. Xian Yong has a good strong voice & sings like Andy Lau. In fact, almost everyone there sings rather well, especially Xian Yong, Sher Lin & Sean. Corey sounded very much like Zhou Jie Lun. Corey was the last guy who arrived, quite late… & he only sung one song, I think.

It was an enjoyable time of chatting, singing, eating birthday cake, Andrea leaving halfway coz she’s not feeling well from a fever & a careless Matthew who accidentally knocked down a glass filled with drink, which smashed to bits on the floor. Thankfully, no one was hurt & we didn’t need to pay for that shattered glass. That was my second embarrassing moment of the night.

During the 4 hours there, I took a photograph of each person who sang a song & a video clip of Sean singing a duet with Shirlene. Both of them sing well together! I’m just so impressed!

In between a few of my English KTV songs, I chose this Mandarin song sung by Aaron Kwok, titled “Zhen Qi”. I thought I sounded awful coz it’s a power-packed song, but I’m singing with a rather weak & no-power voice… but Sean said that it wasn’t too bad. I don’t know… still not sure if singing is for me… but I enjoyed the fellowship with Sean’s friends. I was surprised that I felt comfortable & relaxed among them! Maybe I’m really slowly turning a bit more extrovert over the years.

All of us left the place after 10pm, when the KTV screen inside our room flashed “This song that is playing is the last song”. Leaving the place, I thought the fun for the night was over… but no, it hasn’t! 7 of us decided to have supper at the nearby NYDC.

Initially, there weren’t any seats available, for some reason which I forgot to ask. But Lydia suddenly saw her younger brother working there & got him to get the 7 of us seats! So we sat there, chatted, ordered & ate food (unfortunately they didn’t have anymore baked rice), drank water, took video clips, made speeches, asked weird questions & laughed very much to our hearts content!

Over our dinner-cum-supper, I got to interact & know more about the girls. I find that Sher Lin has a very nice personality, just like Tracy from my ex-church CG. She’s very sociable, friendly, makes funny comments & teased Sean about his salsa & mumbo dancing talents.

We guys must have gone quite overboard coz Jessilyn commented twice that “They are all ‘high’ already…” But all of us really had a great time & even planned a tentative arrangement to go to a disco together on Christmas Day night.

One thing I must add – I’m very impressed by what a gentleman Sean is. He asked each of the three girls to message him when they get home safely! Wow! This has never crossed my mind before in my 25 years alive! What a gentleman! You see ah, that’s why I say that Sean is really a very sensitive, caring, loving & tender guy. Whichever girl that doesn’t want to be with him, is their loss!

Even though I’m not a girl, but as Sean’s best friend, I must say that it is indeed a privilege… & honor… to have such a friend like him in my life. I don’t know how many thank-you(s) I must say to God…

Oh yes, I personally made this PowerPoint presentation for Sean for his 25th birthday. It portrays a short description of our history of friendship together, some encouragement, as well as some ‘just-for-laughs’ photos & comments. I really hope he likes it… especially since I spent like two full nights & one afternoon, creating this from scratch. And I have never done such a ‘project’ before… my first time… Hope it works out fine…

Anyway, Chiam drove Sean & I back home in his car. Chiam has just recently started work as a Personal Assistant at an Oil & Gas company. When I first heard him say, “Oil & gas”… my first thought was an obese man who has lots of ‘oil’ in his body & gives out a lot of gas from his ass! Hahahaha… =)

I’m just so glad that it is Sean’s BEST birthday celebration ever in his life. And I’m also glad to be able to mix rather well with his friends… Although it is inevitable to have thoughts whether how often we would all meet up, but I still hope that we could at least catch-up like once a year or something… even if it is just another Sean’s birthday…

Everyone went home feeling tired. But I remember telling Sean, saying “If you feel tired, just remember that it’s not because you are bored, but because you are feeling tired from a happy time together with your friends. And it is indeed a thing to be thankful for, to have not just 8… but 10 friends taking time off after a tired day of work to celebrate your birthday with you.” =)