Not Our Decision Alone

I just listened to a two-part sermon by Dr Ravi Zecharias & his message spoke deeply into my heart & mind. This sermon is titled - ‘I Isaac take you Rebekah’, concerning the Biblical principle of finding a marriage partner.

At first, it surprised me coz I never realized that there was actually a Biblical principle for Christians to take note of, when it comes to finding a soul-mate. That’s because times & influences have changed so much, such that our view towards finding that person & building up a relationship towards marriage, has been distorted into a opinion of self-centered decision.

In our modern times, finding a life partner has already been viewed as primarily the choice & decision of that man & woman. Or should I even tread on the thin line of referring to a boy & a girl, bearing in mind that teenagers are trying their hand at BGR at an increasingly young age. Perhaps out of curiosity, hormonal changes, desire for attention, peer pressure, media influences, etc.

Although my girlfriend & I did not fall prey into the category of neither of the above mentioned reasons, we did put ourselves at the ledge of self-centered decision making, which did result in some parental objection & clashes at the very beginning.

Let me share a few points of what I learnt from this sermon –

Ravi Zecharias based his sermon on Genesis chapter 24, about how Abraham instructed his servant to go to the Town of Nahor to find the girl whom is to marry his son Isaac. It was interesting to see the number of people involved in this life-partner selection process.

Personally, it was a ‘hard nut’ to swallow, as even Ravi Zecharias himself admitted that this is not an easy decision for him to make. For throughout this account in the Bible, it was clear that God was involved in the decision making & God did include others in this selection process as well.

Thus, the Biblical principle mentioned here implies that the choosing of a life partner isn’t solely a decision for the couple themselves to make alone, but that God’s way of institutionalizing the marriage & future home of the couple, also involves the participation of other parties.

In our context, the people involved in our final decision of our life partner consist of the parents from both sides, as well as their church pastor. Many a times, we may see each other’s parents as a ‘thorn in the flesh’, thinking up all kinds of reasons to prevent us from being together, especially when it comes to something as serious & life-time as marriage.

This scripture passage does not imply pre-arranged marriages, but the Biblical principle does say that the decision also lies with the couples’ parents & church pastor… & not solely based on the couple alone.

Ravi Zecharias went as far as to say that we would be playing a very dangerous game, if we choose to violate our parents’ wishes & marry a person whom they object against. For God does strongly emphasize the Biblical authority of parents that play a major part of the decision making, when it comes to choosing a life partner.

From the Old Testament, we see that the home was established first, even before the Church was instituted, showing the emphasis in this area of marriage, home & family. And thus, this issue of marriage is a very serious matter.

The strongest point which impacted me was Ravi Zecharias saying that, “If you deny the word of God, you will only end up proving it, not breaking it. Any human being, who violates the law of God, ends up proving it, not destroying it.”

Thus, it is essential that we learn to work together with our girlfriend’s or boyfriend’s parents, instead of going against them.

Lastly, Ravi Zecharias shared about two very important criteria when it comes to deciding whether this person is the right one to marry.

Firstly, it is the person’s conduct of kindness towards people. By that, I’m referring to kindness to you alone. For the Bible does say that love is patient, love is kind. How can there be love without kindness? Thus, kindness is an essential trait that would indicate whether this person would be a good marriage partner.

Secondly, it is the prayerfulness of this person. It is very, very important that this person prays regularly & commits to a prayerful lifestyle. A person whose walk with God is non-existent or very shallow does not have the necessary maturity & character development to enter into marriage, for it is hard-work. A marriage isn’t all fun, but requires working at it… till the very end of your life… no matter how much of a stranger this person may still seem, after many years into your marriage.

Just a note of disclaimer, I’m not implying that people should be perfect before they get married. Rather, there are certain characteristics which are necessary for a good & healthy marriage that will last.

These are the two important criteria that we should pay attention to, failing which we may end up in troubled waters & not enjoying the fullness of marriage as God intended it to be for us.

Again, although difficult to obey at times, myself included, let’s be reminded once again, that “If you deny the word of God, you will only end up proving it, not breaking it. Any human being, who violates the law of God, ends up proving it, not destroying it.”