A Dream From God…

I was woken up by a dream at about 6:30am this morning... & I felt so strongly the presence of God speaking to me & I talking to God. I'm still feeling very tired becoz I have only slept 3.5 hours but I decided to wake up & do what honors & pleases God.

In the dream, God used Rebecca's Dad to speak to me, juz like how he spoke to me in the room last night. In that dream, Uncle John asked me about some of those games that I'm playing online (i.e. Face Book) & asked me if it is pleasing to God.

Immediately I sensed that God was speaking to me about those games with unGodly images, referring to my 4 very high rankings in 'Slayers', 'Vampires', 'Werewolves' & 'Zombies'. I have spent time to build up my rank in these 4 games, but these games are not pleasing to God.

At first, I reasoned to Uncle John that I was brought up differently from his children, so I'm quite okay abt such games. But after that, I stopped coz that was when I felt God speaking most gently to my heart, asking "Is this honoring to Me?" At that moment, I stopped & decided to make my decision to honor & obey God even if it means deleting away 4 characters which I have taken time every day to train up & achieve top 3 ranking among all my friends.

At first, I was still hesitant, asking myself if this is actually a small matter coz these are just pictures. But the more I reasoned in my mind, the more I felt that God is right. Those images are not honoring & pleasing to Him, regardless of whether I can 'live' with these pictures. And pictures can cloud our mind & obscure it from being sensitive to God. Since God has specifically spoke to me, how can I deny it? Of coz, I could ignore God but I chose to obey. Even wif just 3.5 hours of sleep & being abruptly woken up fr a dream, I dragged myself out of bed, logged on & deleted them.

I tell u, I felt so much better after doing that. I had made a choice to honor God, especially after watching that movie 'Facing The Giants' & set myself to commit to a life that honors Him in all that I do. I'm not perfect but God doesn't need me to run the show. He just seeks my participation.

God has been working in my life & I have been sensing that a lot lately. From my brother's DVD, online sermons & a worship song sent by Carol. Praise God! I can't describe enough on how I have been feeling about God working in me, but He has & I'm so glad about it. Even a tourist can say that I'm different from typical Singaporeans!

This DVD that Rebecca & I will be watching tomorrow WILL speak to our hearts. God will speak to Rebecca too, just as He has convicted my heart. I have made that conviction a part of my life & work. I also wish to encourage Rebecca to do the same. God spoke to me & told me to tell her this... & I cried becoz I felt so touched by God. =)

Witnessing A Miracle!

Yesterday was the last (non-working) weekday that I could go hiking at Bukit Timah Nature Reserve before I start my new job this coming Monday. I have been hesitant about going alone for this entire week (coz it may not be very safe), but on Thursday night, I made up my mind to do so, at least just once for myself, before I start work again. Surprisingly, after several days of waking up at past 10am, I actually woke up at 6:50am yesterday! I didn't know how come & neither was I expecting something to happen that morning...

It was a sleepy morning, as I dragged myself through the journey there. Honestly, I was looking forward to the hike, but not the long journey there, coz I had to take bus, take MRT, then take bus again, before walking quite far to get there. But little did I know tt God had already planned something in store for me... & the way this was going to happen, is when I'm all by myself, alone.

Honestly, it is a quite a long & troublesome journey to get to Bukit Timah Nature Reserve. Although it takes slightly more than 1 hour to reach there, having to change several modes of transport in the early morning (considering that I only slept less than 6 hours) can be quite annoying to me. But I really wanted to take this opportunity to do so, before this opportunity becomes more rare...

As I was on the bus towards Bukit Timah Nature Reserve & when it was nearing the place, about 6 - 7 bus stops away, all of the sudden... it started to drizzle! I was startled! In my mind, I was thinking, "Oh no! Have I come all the way here for nothing? Just to go home? Argh... God! Why did You do this to me?!" I was feeling REALLY annoyed coz I had come a long way to get here & just when I'm so close to reaching there, it started to drizzle! And as we all know, Bukit Timah Nature Reserve can be quite slippery if it had just rained. My hopes were dashed!

I prayed to God, "Please stop the rain... Please stop the rain... Please... Please..." But the clouds grew more grey & soon I saw people carrying umbrellas... & I was thinking, "Oh no! Come on, God! I didn't come all the way here for nothing! I feel like a FOOL! Why, God... Why?" And as I sat there in my seat, feeling uptight & angry... the rain started pouring down. It wasn't a very heavy downpour, but it was REALLY raining (no more drizzling). I was like praying, "God! Come on! How come the rain just got heavier? Eh, come on lah..." And the more I thought about it, the more upset I became...

Suddenly, I felt a quiet sense of stubbornness inside & I didn't want to let go of this opportunity to hike. It was like 4 bus stops from where I should alight. So I picked up my hopes & prayed, "God, I really want to hike... & I came all the way from home to do so. I really don't want to go home like this. Its my last chance! I'm starting work soon! Come on, God... I know You can turn this around... I know You can change this... so I'm going to pray in faith that You will stop this rain. Come on, God... just hold the rain for 2 hours... Please..."

It continued to rain, but I didn't want to give up yet. So I started to pray in faith... & I persisted in prayer... I kept praying & praying without ceasing. I told God, "I'm going to pray in faith that You will make this happen... No, I'm going to pray in faith, as if You have ALREADY done it. Yes, God... Thank You for stopping the rain. I praise You & I thank You for stopping the rain. Yes, God... the rain is going to stop so that I can hike. Lord, I praise You for You have answered my prayer. Thank You, Lord. I know You can make this happen. I thank You that You have stopped the rain." And I persisted & persisted, believing that God can make this happen.

The highlight of this hiking trip is NOT the hike itself, but the faith journey that I encountered on my way there! As I continued praying without stopping, I saw that the rain has become less heavy. It was still drizzling, but it wasn't so heavy already. It was about 1 bus stop before I alight from the bus & I was asking myself, "How? Should I get down the bus? Should I go by faith & make the hike? What if the rain doesn't stop? By now, the forest floor would have been damp already... should I still hike? What if I slipped & fell down the slope? Should I still go? Argh, go lah! Pray & go in faith! Even if its raining, I still need to cross over to the other side of the road & take the bus back to the MRT station!"

So I alighted from the bus... & it was still drizzling. I felt so embarassed becoz I was wearing my hiking shoes & some people were looking at me, having this look like - "What is this guy trying to do? Its raining!" I even had to take out my umbrella to shelter myself. All these while, I still kept praying, refusing to give up. Even while walking in the drizzle, in my water-proof hiking shoes... I still prayed... clinging on to whatever faith that I had...

I was praying, "God... Come on... Please stop the rain... or at least just hold it for 1 hour or so... until I finish the hike. Please, God. I'm just clinging on to my faith that You can do this. Will You do this for me? I'm asking You... I'm begging You... Please, God... Please hold the rain..."

As I walked, I noticed that the drizzle started to get lesser... & lesser. When I tried to close my umbrella, I had to open it up again coz there was still a drizzle. I kept praying, "Oh no... Come on, God... You can do this... Will You do this for me? Please? Come on, just hold the rain for 1 hour... just 1 hour will do... Please, God..."

And as I continued walking, I felt a wind blowing... & I was wondering, "What is this about? How come suddenly got wind? The wind is blowing the rain droplets at my face. Hmm..." As I prayed, I began to notice that the clouds were becoming less grey. More clear skies & clouds were appearing! Yippee! Its a sign! So I closed my umbrella & continued to pray in faith, "Thank You for stopping the rain! More sun! Yes, God... More sun!"

And indeed the drizzle soon stopped! Then I realised, "Oh! The wind is blowing the grey clouds away! Wow!" Soon, more & more clear skies appeared & the grey clouds disappeared from sight! There, as I walked, I was thanking God & wondering to myself, "Wow! How did this happen? In a short span of 5 - 10 mins, the rain stopped & the sky cleared? Wow! God, You are amazing!"

By the time I reached that final stretch of road upwards to Bukit Timah Nature Reserve, the rain had completely stopped & the grey clouds were gone! There was still no sun, but it was all clear skies above! Wow! I tried to be funny & said, "Hey God... while You're at it, why don't You keep the rain away until I reach home?" And I smiled in my heart...

When I reached the toilet to change, there was still parts of the floor outside that was still damp & there was no sun. But God is good... when I changed & came out of the toilet, the sun started to shine down! So I began my hike... & it was amazing becoz the forest ground & soil was dry! It was a safe hike & I thanked God for it!

For some, they may think that its just a stopping of rain... & it has happened before. But to me, its a miracle happening before my very eyes becoz I prayed persistently until it happened... & all these happened in just 10 min!

And guess what? Remember my prayer that God would hold the rain till I reached home? It didn't even rain the whole of yesterday! Thank You, God! =)

"You only need a room..."

My Mum just said a very funny remark that made me roar with laughter!

My Dad asked me, "Why you don't come out? Don't always whole day stay in the room." Then my Mum asked, "So you whole day stay in the room...?" I replied, "Ya... I'm a home person." So my Mum remarked, "I think you don't need a house, you just need a room. You eat in the room, you do everything in the room, except pang sai. Next time when you stay in the masterbed room, so you don't have to come out anymore..."

Hahahahahaha!!! I'm still laughing as I type this!!! Hahahahahaha!!! =)

Being Close To God Everyday...

"Without God, our week is: Mournday, Tearsday, Wasteday, Thirstday, Fightday, Shatterday and Sinday. So, allow Him to be with you everyday!"

Applying This To My Job

What is the purpose of my job (whatever it is)?
- It is one of the tools that God has given me to honor Him.
- It is also an opportunity to love others as myself.

Why should achieving success in my job not be my main goal?
- Life is not about me, its about God & honoring Him.
- Doing well in my job is too small a thing to live for.
- I am not put on Earth just to make money, achieve success & die.
- Even great achievements will soon be forgotten.

Does God care about my work?
- God cares about my faith. He cares about where my heart is.
- If I live out your faith at work, then God cares about my job because He cares about me.

What do I want to achieve in my job?
- I want to be a good testimony for God & reach others for Him.
- I want God to bless me in my job so much that people talk about what He did!

How am I going to do that?
- I have got to give Him my best in every area of my work.
- If I do well, I praise Him. And if I fail, I still praise Him.
- Either way, I want to honor Him with my actions & my attitude.
- Once I resolve to give God everything I have, I'll leave the result to Him.

How To Live On Purpose

This is a dialogue between the football coach & his players from the movie 'Facing The Giants'. Maybe this will help me clear my thoughts about my job, my relationships with people & my life.

Coach: What is the purpose of this team?
Player: To win ball games?

Coach: Then what?
Player: Then we get a trophy & people talk about it.

Coach: Maybe, for awhile, then what?
Player: Get a scholarship? Play for college? And coach literally? What are you getting it? You think we are just wasting our time?

Coach: If our main goal is to win football games, then yes.
Player: You don't want us to win games?

Coach: No, not if that's our main goal. Winning football games is too small a thing to live for. And I love football as much as anybody. But even championship trophies will one day collect dust & be forgotten. Its just that so far all these has been about us. How we can look good. How we can get the glory.

Coach: The more I read this book (pointing to the Bible), the more I realise that life is not about us. We are not here just to make money, get glory & die. The Bible says that God put us here for Him. To honor Him. Jesus said the most important thing that you can do with your life is to love God with everything that you are & love others as yourself.

Coach: So if we win every game & we miss that, we've done nothing. Football then means nothing. So I'm here to present you with a new team philosophy. I think football is just one of the tools that we use to honor God.

Player: So you think God cares about football?

Coach: I think He cares about your faith. He cares about where your heart is. And if you live your faith out there on the football field, then yes, God cares about football, because He cares about you! He sent His Son Jesus to die for us, so that we can live forever. That's why we're here!

Coach: But you see, its not just on the football field. We've got to honor Him in our relationships, in our respect for authority, in the classroom & when you're alone at home surfing the Internet.

Coach: I want God to bless this team so much that people talk about what He did! Which means we've got to give Him our best in every area. And if we win, we praise Him. And if we lose, we praise Him. Either way, we honor Him with our actions & our attitudes. So I'm asking you, who are you living for?

Coach: I've resolved to give God everything I've got. Then I'll leave the result to Him. I'll want to know if you'll join me.

Mindset About Working Hours

Recently, I have asking myself everyday about why I feel so mentally constrained by the limits of my starting & ending working hours of each day. If the employment contract states, for example 8:30am - 6pm, how is it that by the time I watch the time reach 6pm, I keep having this bugging thought that its time to go home?

Is it becoz I really see my job as just earning an income & giving my time just for that 8.5 working hours each day? Is it becoz I don't see meaning in staying beyond my stated working hours? Is it becoz I would rather do something else? Is it becoz work is boring &/or stressful? Is it becoz I'm procrastinating coz I want to leave the rest of the work till the next day? Is it becoz I feel that I'm not paid well enough to work overtime? But what if I get paid more, would I feel motivated to work overtime? Is it becoz I want to spend time with my wife & kids? Is it becoz I want to exercise before dinner? Is it becoz I'm feeling tired & want to go home?

There are so many questions that bug me, whenever the clock hits 6pm. And seriously, I'm beginning to think that its not how much that I'm paid, that determines how committed that I am to be willing (or even glad) to work beyond the stated office hours.

Well, here are my personal reasons that I can pluck from the entire paragraph of questions above:

1) I see my job as earning an income (not something to pledge my life).
2) I believe that there is more meaning to life than just work.
3) I wish to exercise before dinner (if not everything gets pushed back).
4) I wish to spend time with my wife & children (in future).
5) I do feel tired after a long day of work (esp if the work is intense).
6) I do not wish my life to be just work, until I reach home to sleep.

Sometimes I think about Rebecca's teaching job & I ask myself what really drives her to want to put in more hours at home (at night) to mark books, prepare lessons, plan activities, etc. She has already worked from 7am - 6pm. That's 11 hours. Assuming she puts in another 2 hours of marking in the evenings, that would be 12-13 hours of work each day. In 5 days, that's 65 hours! Plus, she spends time to do work on weekends too. Assuming both Saturday & Sunday totals 5 hours, that would mean she works 70 hours a week! That's crazy! To me, at least...

She says that she finds her job meaningful & I think it is too. But seriously thinking, would I do that if I were in her shoes? At this point of time, I would honestly say "No". Its not that I mind waking up early, coz I already did that for 2.5 years in the Army... but rather, I just find it so inappropriate to bring work home. There ought to be a line drawn or at least during weekends!

Okay, so the good thing is that teachers have holidays in June & Dec every year. Although they have courses to attend, CCA to be involved in & school meetings to attend... well, at least their total number of rest days are more than an average person's annual leave. But still, would I still want to work 70 hours a week? I still don't think so... even if they paid me $3000 or $4000, I would still not want to put in 70 hours a week.

Even farmers & rubber cutters in the past woke up early, but they stop work after sun down. Even hawkers nowadays wake up early, but may not necessarily work the entire day. Some open their stalls early in the morning, but close shop by late afternoon. Some open their stalls only at night (about 6-7pm) & close shop about 1-2am. Even for food court hawkers, they open their stalls at 11am & close shop by 9pm. And some of these food sellers are earning more than us average earners who slog in schools or organizations! Some hawkers also get to drive big cars & go for overseas holidays. Plus, being a food seller also has peak & non-peak period. So it isn't all slogging 10 hours a day. Whereas at work, its ongoing e-mails, reports, phone calls, meetings, events, etc.

What really makes some people willing to put in these long hours into their job? Besides the typical reasons like promotion, higher pay & meaning in their job? Seriously, I can only think of these 3 reasons! Coz I know of many other people who REALLY start & end work on the dot... & they go home happy. In my 1st company, most people in the office go home by 6pm. In my 2nd company, most people go home by 5:30pm. My Mum herself has been working for 30 years & she also knocks off at 5:30pm to take the company shuttle bus directly home. So privileged! This was until she recently took this job, but she still reaches home by 7pm everyday.

So what about me? I'm not ambitious for huge amounts of pay or promotion. I derive meaning in my work in terms of reaching out to my colleagues & being a good testimony at work, & I also find my purpose & meaning in my ministry in church. So I don't find myself motivated in terms of working overtime! Am I supposed to feel great satisfaction in working later than everyone? I do that a lot in my past 2 jobs, but neither did I feel great about myself. Neither did I get anything significant in terms of pay & promotion (which I'm not pursuing anyway).

Now you see why I feel so confused? Why is it that many people are able to work & go home on time, feeling happy, finding the time to exercise, going out with friends, spending time with spouse... whereas others have much less than this? I want the former, not the latter! To make things worse, nowadays job natures have changed... people are now working out of the office as well... checking their e-mail at home, replying their e-mail via PDA, working on reports into late at night, staying in touch with the latest updates at work over the weekend, using mobile phone to SMS colleagues on Saturday & Sunday, bringing laptop even when going overseas, etc. What is the world coming to? Sometimes I REALLY wish that I'm a hawker! Even working in retail has fixed opening & closing hours! But the drawback is that it involves working on weekends.

So where does all these leave me? I'm STILL confused. I know that teachers, pastors, actors / actresses, TV hosts, professional athletes, self-employed people & defence personnel work long hours... but others still have a fixed shift or regular working hours. What makes these people want to stay on in their job? Coz of interest, challenge &/or meaning? That's true... but they can still have this satisfaction in being in this job, but not necessarily when working long tedious hours!

So what is the whole crux that drives people to be willing to work long hours? I STILL don't get it... Oh, maybe its becoz of peer pressure (i.e. being kiasu) &/or not wanting to lose their job. But surely there is MORE to life than just working long hours, isn't it? If this job REALLY makes you work long, long hours... maybe a change of job may ACTUALLY be a blessing! I think its all just a vicious cycle... maybe that's one thing that I will be glad for, when I actually get to heaven, coz no more 'kiasu' people... I don't think angels are 'kiasu'...

Oh well, in conclusion (I'm still confused), I will still strive to do my best at where God puts me, until He decides to move me to some place else... I keep telling myself everyday that God is more interested in developing my character, than my comfort. Come on, God... Talk to me...

APPLES

What does APPLES stand for? It refers to 'Application for Passport Online Electronic System'. I learnt & did something good today... I helped my Dad to apply for his passport online! I also learnt how to modify my internet browser settings for Java script & pop-up settings, in order to pay for the passport cost via e-Nets! Happy! =)

No Habit of Biting?

My Mum was watching 'Japan Hour' on TV when she commented that the Japanese do not bite their food, but rather... they put the whole piece into their mouth! Of coz, if the food is too big, they would cut it into pieces first... but I really didn't know that they don't bite their food! Interesting!

Mimicking Darth Maul...

In July this year, I had the priviledge of attending a 1 day course on presentation skills for managers... & something interesting happened during that afternoon...

During one of the group exercises on the portraying of emotion in our voices, I was asked by the trainer to mimick the voice of a person in a audio clip. It turned out that it was the voice of Darth Maul, the villian from Star Wars episode 1!

I smiled when I was asked to give it a try at mimicking Darth Maul's sinister voice... & it turned out that I surprised the entire class including the trainer because I could do it so well! I can still remembered the astonished look on the trainer's face! She looked stunned!

During the last group exercise, when I was asked to present on a certain topic, I received a good grade & the trainer commented that I'm quite a natural presenter! Yippee! Maybe its becoz I get to present a lot in my job at SNEF, or maybe I have at least some ability in this! Hee! Praise God! =)

Interesting Yet Perculiar Habit of Fathers

I noticed that fathers (at least in our parents' generation) seem to have this very interesting, yet perculiar habit of persisting in watching TV till they fall asleep in front of the TV. Up till now, I still don't understand why they would persist even when tired. Why not just go to sleep? Or do something else besides just watching TV? I find this such a generation gap coz nowadays we youngsters have more variety of things to do...

Profile Certification

I have been tossing around this idea in my head for over a month now... & its about my interest in taking up a professional certification in profiling certification. Since my earlier years in JC, I have been exposed & became interested in different types of profiling. Examples include Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), Temperament Profiling (Melancholy, Sanguine, Choleric & Phelgmatic), Personality Profiling (Eagle, Dove, Owl & Peacock), etc.

Later on during my university years, I assisted my church pastor in the Taylor Johnson Temperament Analysis (TJTA) for a large group of my church youths. Subsequent years, I was exposed to DISC personality profiling, career counseling profiling, etc.

This is definitely one area of my interest, although I don't see myself doing this in my career (at least at this point of time). But I am glad to assist to administer this in my church. Hopefully one day, when I have the money... I would sign up for a certification course in some of these...

Daddy & the Tentacle!

Some weeks ago, my brother brought home a few packets of pre-prepared BBQ food, of which one of the varieties was squid / sotong. After my Mum had heated up the sotong as one of the dishes for dinner, my Dad exclaimed, "Eh... come... eat the tentacle..." And I burst out laughing! What a word! I haven't heard this word being used for a very, very long time! =)

Interpreting 'Woodlands'

While waiting for the MRT last week, I found myself gazing at the word 'Woodlands' for quite some time. The more I looked at the word, the more that I began to picture in my mind, that this place is literally forest & trees! What a name! Hahahahaha... =)

Inspiring Quotes From 'Facing The Giants'

This movie is so impactful that I'm actually typing my 3rd Blog entry about it! This time, its about quotes which really spoke to me... & I thought of sharing with everyone who reads this...

Coach Taylor: “I want God to bless this team so much that people talk about what He did. But we need to give Him our best in every area. And if we win, we praise Him; and if we lose we praise Him. Either way. We honor Him with our actions and our attitudes.”

Coach Taylor: “Your attitude is the aroma of your heart. If your attitude stinks, it means your heart’s not right.”

Coach Taylor to his wife, Brooke: "If the Lord never gives us children, will you still love Him?”

David's Father on a wheelchair: "Your actions will always follow your beliefs. If you accept defeat, then that's what you'll get."

There are SO MANY more quotes that I can't remember... but I will be watching the DVD again! Praise the Lord!

Correlation Between Stomach & Brain

I recalled an SMS from Carol where she shared this very interesting point between how much we can hear from God, in relation to how full is our stomach.

I was struggling to decide which job I should accept at that point of time, when Carol messaged, "FAST! When your stomach's empty, you hear better." Wonderful correlation. Thanks, Carol!

My First Purchase Online!

The music score from the movie 'Facing The Giants' so moved my heart that I decided to go online to purchase the movie soundtrack! Its my first online purchase! Weeee! =)

'Facing The Giants'

When I woke up this morning & walked to the living room, I saw this DVD next to the TV, so I walked over to pick it up to find out what this movie is all about. The title of this movie is 'Facing The Giants', an inspiring movie about a rugby team in America.

When I turned over to the back cover of this DVD, I noticed that this movie isn't filmed by a secular film maker, but actually a church! In my mind, I was thinking... "Okay, this is different... but maybe its just another one of those inspiring sports shows... but I enjoy watching such shows, so I'll watch it over my breakfast & see what this show is about..."

Little did I know that God used this movie to REALLY touch my heart... & I actually cried 17 times in this 112 min movie! 17 times! The music score is excellent & strikes deep into my heart strings. The plot is great, as it encompasses not just the sport of rugby, but also about real life issues such as belief, purpose, attitude, teamwork, peer pressure, discouragement, faith & even infertility in marriage.

Just watching how these actors & actresses struggle through these circumstances just touched the inner core of my heart. Btw, later on I realised (when I watched the commentary) that they are ALL members & volunteers from that small church called Sherwood Baptist Church at Albany, Georgia. None of them earned any money out of this movie making, but everyone gave their utmost because it came from a unique vision of their church.

Michael Catt, the Senior Pastor of Sherwood Baptist Church, has a vision... & he believes that his church can "reach the world from Albany, Georgia." For that to happen, they needed to be creative. The pastors learnt from a survey that TV is one of the most influential sources for the people in America.

Fortunately, the church's pastoral staff includes a pair of brothers with a lifelong dream to make movies. Thus, they decided that they wanted to change how ministry can be done & to reach others through another creative avenue. Thus, Sherwood Pictures, the church's unique film-making ministry, was born!

It all started with their first movie production titled 'Flywheel' which they took only $20,000 to make by renting film equipment, getting volunteers, etc. By the work of God, this movie was filmed in the theatres & many came out crying & wanted to find out more about God. And many of the believers came out wanting to establish a stronger relationship with God! It was so heart warming just to hear this happen! How I wish I could be involved in this area of ministry too!

Thereafter, from the award winning producers of Flywheel, comes this movie 'Facing The Giants', an action-packed drama about a Christian high school football coach who uses his undying faith to battle the giants of fear and failure.

In six years of coaching, Grant Taylor has never led his Shiloh Eagles to a winning season. After learning that he and his wife Brooke face infertility, Grant discovers that a group of fathers are secretly organizing to have him dismissed as head coach. Devastated by his circumstances, he cries out to God in desperation.

When Grant receives a message from an unexpected visitor, he searches for a stronger purpose for his football team. He dares to challenge his players to believe God for the impossible on and off the field. When faced with unbelievable odds, the Eagles must step up to their greatest test of strength and courage.



What transpires is a dynamic story of the fight between faith and fear. 'Facing the Giants' is indeed a very powerful experience for the whole family & inspiring viewers to live with faith, hope, and love!

Trust me, this is an excellent movie! Never had any movie made me cry 17 times! I was literally wiping off my flowing tears throughout the movie. My eyes were literally sore after the movie! For a guy like me who rarely cries, well... this movie REALLY touches our hearts... & I believe God has used this area of ministry to touch many more lives as well... as He did for me. Praise the Lord! =)

Hooked on Face Book!

A few days ago, I received this e-mail from William (one of my friends from the part-time course that I am currently taking) with this invitation to join Face Book, a "social utility that connects you with people around you." (extracted from their website)

Since then, I have been hooked! I would spend a few hours each day, playing all sorts of games in this interactive website & I must admit that I am quite good!

"Want to see more? Call this number..." (Taken from that Mocca body builder advertisement)

No lah, if you want to see more, check out this website - http://www.facebook.com. Look for me & you will find me there! =)

"Lembek" - My New Vocabulary!

I came by church on Saturday afternoon to meet Rebecca after her volunteer tuition class for 'at risk' primary school kids from Mainland China. After her tuition, we had a good chat with Pastor Abel, followed by another good chat with Pastor Enoch before we left.

During our chat with Pastor Enoch, he mentioned this Malay word which rocked some laughter inside my heart! This is the word as defined in this Singlish dictionary that I found online...

LEMBEK (lurm-be'h) - A Malay term meaning limp, flaccid or physically weak.

We were talking about politics at the workplace & even in churches (as long as there are people, there is bound to be differences), when Pastor Enoch used this term "Lembek" to refer to missionaries who live in 3rd world countries. Paraphrasing, Pastor Enoch said, "People who are sent to these places are not those "lembek" kind... they are strong..."

I found this Malay term is funny & laughed with Rebecca, after we had walked out of the church! Rebecca even guessed that this would be my new vocabulary that I will start using on people! She is quite right... & I remembered her words, saying... "I can read you like a book..." =)

Oh btw, that online Singlish dictionary had this REALLY hilarious logo! *Clap Clap* Must give credit to them mah. I was so amused by this logo that I copied & pasted it into this Blog entry! Here it is...

Isn't it hilarious? Hahahaha... =)

Distinct Sensitive Noses!

Hahahaha... I have known this at the back of my mind for a long time already, but somehow it just became so obvious to me today... so I decided to Blog this interesting characteristic between Rebecca & me. Both of us have sensitive noses... but what distinguishes us apart is what our noses are able to pick up.

My nose starts to get runny before the rain comes... not kidding, it does! And so, most of the time, I am able to tell when its going to rain. Thus, my nose has a proactive alert feature... just like birds who fly away & animals who run away when they instinctively sense danger. =)

On the other hand, Rebecca is able to smell haze in the air. I used to give her this nickname called "PSI Dog"... coz dogs have a keen sense of smell & she is born in the Chinese Calendar Year of the dog! =)

For some unknown reason, my nose is completely unable to smell haze. Maybe there is some missing nasal folicals that are missing from my nose. I can smell exhaust fumes, cigarette smoke, burning incense, etc... but I am just unable to smell haze. I don't remember ever smelling haze before. Not sure how it smells like. Good & bad lah...

Coming to Terms with my Change in Status

I came home late last night after dinner with Sean, Shannon (his new GF) & Rebecca. As of last night, it had only been 1 day since I had signed the employment contract with that statutory board... & I am still trying to come to terms with my change in status. Its like I am changing my race from Chinese to something else!

I have not yet come to fully accept that I had become a civil servant! But it REALLY is quite interesting coz with this new job that I am taking up, I would have worked in private company, union & the civil service! That's like having a tripartite work exposure! Wow! Thank God!

Furthermore, I have still not yet come to terms with accepting that I actually will be entitled to good staff benefits in this new job, coz my current job doesn't have benefits! Except for the typical leave & group medical insurance. So suddenly I am told that I would be getting this benefit & that benefit... & I was like - WAH! Such a new thing to me! Hahahaha... Thank God! =)

Trio Combo!

It has been an eventful week of mental & emotional 'toss & turns'. Decisions, decisions, decisions. Lots & lots that I have been thinking about, until I came to the point where I have reached the 'edge of the cliff' & the only way forward is to take a leap of faith - to keep praying (even though the answer is not very clear), to trust God (that His timing is perfect & His plan at this phase of my life is right) and then to actually take this step of faith!

No kidding, this can be frightening! But I am thankful that once I have made my decision, after many days of pondering, prayer & consulting with Rebecca, my parents & her parents... my state of heart & mind started to become clearer & more peaceful. Sometimes I think I worry too much, coz even after worrying for days or weeks, all this worrying didn't seem to make my situation any much clearer anyway. In fact, it made me worry even more coz I have already been worrying for so many days... & still not able to come to a decision... so that became even more worrying! Oh well, it was quite a stressful decision for me, but I guess that learning to live, accept & adapt to my decision develops maturity in me.

First Job Offer

On Monday, I received a call & e-mail from the Executive Director of a training consultancy private company stating that I have been offered a job - doing sales & facilitating school projects. When I first heard this good news, I was delighted! Finally, I have been offered a job after 1 month of applying! Ok, I must admit that my job application hasn't been very intensive coz I seriously do not know what type of job that I am really looking out for. All that was relatively clear to me, was that I was hoping that this job would give me a stable & reasonable income, good benefits & work-life balance.

There are so many things that I wish to do, but not everything can become a long-term job / career. Furthermore, some of these things do not fall into the category of my preference factors as shared in the earlier paragraph. Nevertheless, I was thankful for my 1st job offer! Something is definitely better than nothing at all. At least, there is something to fall back on, if the situation calls for it.

The remuneration for this job offered to me (basic salary plus commission) was rather low, and there was no staff benefits given at all, but it was a meaningful job... but it may be difficult to sustain my new flat & family in the long run. Still, it was the only job offer that I had at that point of time, so after a few days of praying & talking to my parents, I had almost decided to take up this job. My parents respected my decision, even though they still felt uncertain about my decision. Thankfully, our Almighty God watched all that was happening & intervened, just at the right time!

Second Job Offer

I was almost about to reply to confirm my acceptance of this training position, when suddenly out of the blue, the HR from a statutory board called to inform me that I have been shortlisted for an interview for this particular position that I had earlier applied!

At first, I was stunned... I seriously wasn't expecting to receive a call from a statutory board, inviting me to come down for a interview! I didn't have a bachelor degree from a local university & yet they were willing to consider me for a senior executive position? Wow! I couldn't believe that I had actually received this call! So I agreed to come for the interview the next day.

The next thing that I did (after sharing this happy news with Rebecca, my parents & her parents) was to call this HR staff whom I worked with on an event at my current company, to thank her for helping me to send my resume to her HR department. She was surprised & glad that I was called for an interview too! Needless to say, I spent the rest of the evening preparing for this sudden interview...

I spent 45 min (the morning of the interview day) rehearsing to myself the prepared answers to some of the questions that I may be asked later that afternoon. Before the interview, I had to type a short essay about a topic within 30 min. The topic wasn't too tough, as I had relevant experience in this topic, as part of my current job at SNEF. *Phew!* Honestly, my worry was more about how much time that I had to type, coz they could be a lot that I could share about. Hahahaha... =)

Amazingly, the interview actually went quite alright & I really have to thank God that I wasn't as anxious as I thought that I would be! I really do not know why or what happened, but I wasn't really nervous during the interview. Maybe it could be because I have spoke with many companies in my current job... but I felt that it could also be because of the peace that God had put inside my heart.

In fact, looking back, I still think that I had over-prepared for this interview (which is good, despite not knowing much about this statutory board. If I could rate my level of preparedness on a scale of 10, I would give myself a 7. Thankfully, it turned out that the panel of interviewers tested me to only to a level of about 3 or 4. *Phew!* =)

Basically, the main crux was that they wanted to know if I had experience in this area of work, at least for their 1st level of check & candidate elimination. I shared about the relevant areas of work that I had done in my current company & I left the interview, wondering if it was enough to convince the deputy director that I was a possibly good candidate for this job.

Right after the interview, I called that HR staff to express my thanks for her help again. I went home wondering when the HR would call me or whether they would even call me in the first place. Well, that HR lady that I spoke with, said that I will receive a reply in a week, so I tried to be patient, while going to work at my current company the next day.

While coaching a colleague at work, suddenly I received a call in the mid afternoon from that statutory board HR! As I was walking out of the office to answer the phone, my mind was racing. I was wondering (& partly fearful) about what to expect. Could it be a rejection? It has only been less than 24 hours since the interview, surely they couldn't have decided so quickly?

To my surprise, the HR had called to say that they have decided to offer me this job! I almost couldn't believe my ears! I had to re-confirm by asking if I was indeed accepted... & I was! Wow! I still couldn't believe this had happened! I have never imagined that the Civil Service would ever accept my non-local university degree! What's more, it was a senior executive position! Thank You, God! Wow! =)

I composed myself & thanked the person. Thereafter, I called Rebecca & my Mum to tell them the good news! Both of them couldn't believe this was true! And in less than 24 hours! Everyone was so happy, including my Dad, brother & Rebecca's parents, when I later SMSed them. As I walked around the toilet (before going back to the office), I was pacing up & down, as I STILL couldn't believe that this has happened. I did a little jump out of happiness too, before headed back to the office, trying to look like nothing had happened. Hahahaha... =)

Third Job Offer

The very next day, out of the blue, my mobile phone rang again & I answered the call. Oh! It was a call from another HR of another statutory board! Similarly, it was also from a helpful referral from a business contact that I had worked with in my current job! I couldn't believe my ears again! God really overwhelmed me with blessings! This has never happened before in my life! Two statutory boards calling me in a short span of 3 days to invite me down for an interview!

I couldn't believe it! In the past, I had applied to so many ministries & statutory boards (of coz, to private companies as well) & none ever replied. All except Singapore Sports Council, but I didn't get the job coz I didn't have the relevant work experience. To me, the Civil Service was like an exclusive class of people who will seldom consider an average guy like me without good local university qualifications & excellent results. It was like a great honour or priviledge to even receive an invitation for an interview! I really thank God that I managed to meet some helpful working contacts in my current job in SNEF... & not to mention the broad working experience that I have gathered in this present job.

To cut the long story short, I later called back to the HR of this 2nd statutory board, to thank her for offering me this chance for an interview... coz I had decided to take up the offer with the 1st statutory board. Plus, I had already received a call from the 1st statutory board HR, asking if I could come by to sign the employment contract.

I felt so thankful & blessed through these opportunities that God has opened up for me. Before all these had happened, I was slightly wondering if I would be unemployed for a period of time again. Thank You, God... Please help me to do well in this next job... Amen! =)

The Awesome-ness of God

I was shocked when I read these words. Truly amazing! How could I not have realized this? Wow... truly an example...

In Chemistry, He turned water to wine.

In Biology, He was born without the normal conception.

In Physics, He disproved the law of gravity when He ascended into heaven.

In Economics, He disproved the law of diminishing returns by feeding 5,000 men (not including women & children) with two fishes & five loaves of bread.

In Medicine, He cured the sick & the blind without administering a single dose of drugs.

In History, He is the beginning & the end.

In Government, He said that He shall be called ‘Wonderful Counselor’ & ‘Prince of Peace’.

In Religion, He said that no one comes to the Father except through Him.

He had no servants, yet they called Him Master.

He had no degree, yet they called Him Teacher.

He had no medicines, yet they called Him Healer.

He had no army, yet kings feared Him.

He won no military battles, yet He conquered the world.

He committed no crime, yet they crucified Him.

He was buried in a tomb, yet He lives today.

He is Jesus! The greatest Man in history!

Inspiring Quotes From Rick Warren

In the interview by Paul Bradshaw with Rick Warren, Rick said, 'People ask me, "What is the purpose of life?" And I respond, "In a nutshell, life is preparation for eternity." We were made to last forever, and God wants us to be with Him in Heaven.

God wants us to practice on earth what we will do forever in eternity. We were made by God and for God, and until you figure that out, life isn't going to make sense. Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you're just coming out of one, or you're getting ready to go into another one!

The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort. God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy. We can be reasonably happy here on earth, but that's not the goal of life. The goal is to grow in character, in Christ likeness.

No matter how good things are in your life, there is always something bad that needs to be worked on. And no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for.

You can focus on your purposes, or you can focus on your problems. If you focus on your problems, you're going into self-centeredness, 'which is my problem, my issues, my pain.' But one of the easiest ways to get rid of pain is to get your focus off yourself and onto God and others.

God didn't put me on earth just to fulfill a to-do list. He's more interested in what I am than what I do. That's why we're called human beings, not human doings.

Happy moments, PRAISE GOD. Difficult moments, SEEK GOD. Quiet moments, WORSHIP GOD. Painful moments, TRUST GOD. Every moment, THANK GOD.

Definition of Pantone & Bromide

I came across these 2 terms when involved in the producing of invitation card & flyer for the 'Best Sourcing Initiative' program co-organized by SNEF, SBF, NTUC, MOM & Singapore Compact. I thought of putting this into my Blog to remind myself of what these 2 terms mean...

Pantone: A standard color-matching system used by printers and graphic designers for inks, papers and other materials. A PMS colour is a standard colour defined by percentage mixtures of different primary inks.

Bromide: Created using film negatives or positives and result in high resolution, positive black and white image on permanent photographic paper. Logos and logotype are commonly converted into bromides for artwork and scanning purposes. Also known as a PMT (acronym for photomechanical transfer).

The Most & The Greatest...

My Mum forwarded me this e-mail & it kind-of came in timely to how I am feeling right now. I really need some encouragement, affirmation & regaining of self-confidence. And also a fresh touch from God! Its so easy to feel miserable at times... & often, its about work issues...

The most destructive habit ..... Worry
The greatest Joy ..... Giving
The greatest loss ..... Loss of self-respect
The most satisfying work ..... Helping others
The ugliest personality trait ..... Selfishness
The most endangered species ..... Dedicated leaders
Our greatest natural resource ..... Our youth
The greatest "shot in the arm" ..... Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome ..... Fear
The most effective sleeping pill ..... Peace of mind
The most crippling failure disease ..... Excuses
The most powerful force in life ..... Love
The most dangerous pariah ..... A gossiper
The world's most incredible computer ..... The brain
The worst thing to be without ..... Hope
The deadliest weapon ..... The tongue
The two most power filled words ..... "I Can"
The greatest asset ..... Faith
The most worthless emotion ..... Self-pity
The most beautiful attire ..... SMILE!
The most prized possession ..... Integrity
The most powerful channel of communication ..... Prayer
The most contagious spirit ..... Enthusiasm
The most important thing in life ..... Almighty GOD

Great opportunities to help others seldom come, but small ones surround us every day!

Corporate or Non Corporate?

Just when I thought that my decision has been more or less set about joining that training company, I received several phone calls from Singapore Land Authority (SLA) to come for a job interview this Wednesday at 5:30pm. Of course, I am glad to have more than 1 choice, should SLA decide to offer me this job, but I am still very confused right now... at the back of my mind.

I had initially decided to join this training company because its training materials were based on Biblical values & teachings, I will get a chance to mentor students, plus the management are all Christian & they are looking for a Christian to join their company. I am actually glad to join them, except that when I took a look at the employment contract, it was quite a low basic salary with commission earned from sales. That wasn't really a huge problem coz if I managed to get good sales, plus the quarterly variable bonus, my commission would exceed what I am currently earning at SNEF (which is also low based on industry average).

But what really made me hesitate is that this small training company does not give ANY staff benefits at all, only annual leave, sick leave, compassionate leave & hospitalisation leave. Not that I am being really picky, but it would definitely be good to have some staff benefits, especially for a family man like myself, next year onwards. I mean, the company doesn't even provide subsidy for seeing GP, dental check-up, medical check-up, etc.

Oh yes, the employment contract also states that only MCs given by government doctors are recognized! That's crazy... there isn't any polyclinic near my house! And the queues are always so long & in my experience, the doctors there are like serving at a fast food chain, seeing patients by the masses... & the quality of medicine is quite lousy. Oh, another thing is that its quite inconvenient to get to the office coz its located at Ubi & there is traffic jam everyday.

Not that I am trying to paint a negative picture of this training company, but there are issues like this to look into. The lady boss is really nice, considerate & helpful... but taking this job may be difficult, especially after I get married next year. But still, its still a potential job offer, so I will not turn it down yet.

But the question is - am I more suited to work in a corporate or non-corporate environment? Jeffrey Goh also said that I am 75% 'dove' & corporate work environment may be complicated for me. But here I am, given an opportunity to go for a job interview at SLA... & compared to this training company, I am sure that the fixed salary would be much higher than what I am currently getting at SNEF, plus staff benefits, bonus & salary structure too. But if I am accepted for this job, would it become another 3rd round of politics at work? Then again, politics are everywhere... but I haven't exactly had the most stable career history...

Argh... I am so confused... what should I do? Sigh...

Daddy Doesn't Like Gifts...

We celebrated my Dad's 55th birthday last Sunday at Holiday Inn Park View, together with my grandmother, aunty Katherine, Stacy (Bro's GF) & Rebecca (my GF). I took this excellent opportunity to give them an enthusiastic & informal guided tour around the hotel, showing them the Crystal Ballroom that I will be having my wedding dinner next year! Rebecca & I were glad that everyone liked the place.

Anyway, we had international buffet dinner at the 'Window By The Park' cafe, in celebration of Dad's birthday. Up till now, I still don't understand why this cafe was given this name, coz there is no park nearby & there's not much to see outside those windows anyway. But the durian paste is GREAT! I recommended & kept reminding everyone to try it! And everyone liked it! Rebecca laughed & commented if I had shares in this hotel! Oh, the sliced steamed fish is absolutely soft & delicious too! I could just eat it with rice for dinner & be all happy & satisfied!

Oh ya, back to the point that I have been trying to make - Yup, maybe I seldom buy gifts for my Dad throughout my 27 years of my life... but it only became clear to me, this time, that my Dad doesn't like to be given gifts! Its odd coz I would think that most people would enjoy having the surprise of birthday gifts... but not my Dad.

I bought him a nice polo t-shirt from Robinsons, but when I wished him & passed him his gift, he said that I should save up my money & invest in future... don't waste money on buying gifts. He also said that he already has a lot of shirts in his cupboard (actually the truth is that most are already SO old!)... so next time just write him a card would do.

I was quite taken aback coz I didn't expect my Dad to say it so straightforward. But that's my Dad... he's quite straightforward & doesn't like to spend money. He still buys superglue to glue his working shoes when it peels at the sole. He doesn't buy sandals, but only wears my old pair, when I bought a new pair of sandals a few years ago. He also wears his working socks until got hole(s) & still continues to wear them. He refuses to throw things away & keep on putting them inside the store room.

Rebecca bought him a box of chocolates, wrapped up in a Christmas wrapper (she didn't have any other gift wrapper) & my Dad didn't even open it for 3 days! I had to open it for him & eat the chocolates myself! My guess about him was confirmed when I saw that cup which my brother bought for him, MANY years ago... & it is still kept inside that same cardboard box, sitting at the top of the kitchen shelf. I can't believe it... my Dad REALLY doesn't use things!

Oh well, next time onwards, I will write him a card, since he already said it so straightforward to me. Different background, I guess... coz when he was young, he didn't have many things. But this is nothing bad about him, its just his personality. He has still been a responsible & caring father all these years. Thank God for this perculiar Dad... =)

Striving To Live By These Words...

I still can't get enough of the lyrics of the chorus of this worship song titled 'Hosanna', which Carol had sent to me. Since that day when I started listening to it, the words of the chorus have always touched my heart & moved me to want to live well for Christ.

The chorus goes - "Heal my heart and make it clean... Open up my eyes to the things unseen... Show me how to love like You have loved me... Break my heart for what is Yours... Everything I am for Your kingdom's cause... As I walk from earth into eternity."

I find these words so inspiring & amazing that I wish to hold them close to my heart. This is how I want to live my life... & make it count, not just chasing after the wind... or getting caught up with the mess, confusion, strive, jealous, anger & bitterness all around.

"Dear Lord, I ask of You to heal my heart & make it clean. May You open up my eyes to the things unseen, to see Your work in my life & those of others around. By Your Word, show me how to love others, just like how You have loved me. I know that I am made different for a reason. I ask that You break my heart for what is Yours, separate what is earthly gain from what is truly what You are looking for. So that everything that I am & do, be for Your glory & Your kingdom's cause. As I walk through life on earth... into eternity with You. Amen."

What is Money?

I have been very blessed. At several points of my life, God has allowed different people to speak encouraging, affirming or inspiring words to me. As I was sharing with my Mum about my personal convictions in my life (including the kind of job that I am looking for), I recalled this quote that someone once shared with me before.

This person asked, "What is money?" & he answered... "Money is our life in another form."

I find this statement so true & this quote has stuck in my mind for a long time. It's true, we are actually exchanging our time for the money that we earn from our work. Many people work their years of life away, striving for earthly gain, only to lose it in the end. Some give a lot of their earnings to the doctors too!

I believe it is time that we ask ourselves, what we are actually seeking for & turn towards the right direction that would really give us fulfillment in life.

I am so glad that I still remember to share this, whenever I have the opportunity to share it with someone (for example, that IT staff in my company). I remember seeing his eyes 'light up' when I shared this with him... & I felt both comforted & glad to be able to share this revelation with him. If I recalled correctly, I even overheard him, sharing this with someone else! Yippee! Praise God! =)

Stop Rubbing My Wounds

I was woken up by a phone call by my Mum on Friday morning, asking me how come I am not at work. I asked if she had 10-15 mins to spare, before sharing briefly about what happened. My Mum agreed that it was unfair, but I have to move on. Stop looking back already... & stop repeating those words, scenes & thoughts in my mind, again & again, either to myself, to her or to other people.

My Mum's actual words were, "Stop rubbing your wounds! It won't help to make you feel better. If you have a wound & you keep rubbing it, it would only make it worse." I have been thinking about it & realised that it is very true. Thanks, Mum... You are right... =)

Thank You & Farewell...

After I had sent out e-mails informing the external agencies that I had worked with, that today is my last day... it felt so heartwarming to receive so many replies from my many external contacts, wishing me "All the best"... "May all your dreams come true"... "Keep in touch"... "Here is my mobile number (for those whom I do not yet have their mobile number)"... "This is my personal e-mail"... "It's nice knowing you"... "I am shocked to hear that you are leaving"... "Where are you headed to"... "Man, I am sad that you are leaving"... "Hope our paths will cross again"...

I just lost count of how many people have replied to my "Thanks & Farewell" e-mail. Be it out of politeness, professionalism &/or sincerity... the point is that they bothered to reply to a small fry like me. That says something, isn't it? Not that I am proud... but I am happy! =) I even took the opportunity to right a few working relationships that had soured due to red tape & regulatory policies... & seeing their reply, I am overjoyed to set relationships right again! Indeed, having friendships & relationships mean more to life, than solely money & achievements.

But the most difficult e-mail to type, was to my department. Oh boy, it was tough. Initially, before all these mess had started over the past 2 weeks... I had actually planned & I had even bought vanguard sheets to cut out & write a small note for each of my department colleague, despite the good times & unhappy conflicts that we went through. But in the end, I found myself stuck at what to write in my goodbye e-mail to them.

Suddenly I was stuck... & that was a bad feeling to have... coz these colleagues have been a part of my life... for the newer colleagues like Wilson & Eunice, I had more to say to them... which I am glad & hope to continue to be friends with them. But the irony is that the bonding ought to be stronger as people work together over time, right? But it's so sad that the people that I had worked the longest with in my department, I had the least to say...

Oh well... Here's to a closing of this chapter of my life... I may be called back for 1 day for a 2nd round of audit checks, but other than that, I really have to shed off all these hurts & emotional baggage that I have been carrying with me... & start life afresh in my next job... I have learnt A LOT in this job, no doubt... but it came with a lot of worry, hurt & pain... absolutely no doubt about that too.

An Unfair Accusation

How do I start... My mind has been so swirled up with so many thoughts & so many unfortunate happenings at work lately that I feel so stuck inside my head. I feel so emotionally drained, mentally exhausted & physical worn out.

Call it good timing, bad timing or God's timing... Just when I had reached the end of my long standing tolerance about colleagues & work, something bad happened that made a sudden end to my 20 months stay at SNEF. It was unexpected & indeed an unexpected way to leave this company. My last day was announced this Thursday morning... the verdict passed because of something that I didn't expect would happen to me... & to get unfairly blamed for it. This was what happened... my legendary drama in SNEF continues...

It all happened when 1 company that my ex-colleague Steven was working with, sent an e-mail to ask for the disbursement cheque which she has not received yet. I asked my colleague Eunice to check with Finance & it turned out that the cheque has already been issued to Steven before he left in August 07, but that company has not yet received it!

What happened? Did the courier person fail to deliver the cheque? Was it couriered in the first place? Or was it personally delivered? If so, how could the cheque have not been received? If it is not delivered, who is holding the cheque? Who did Steven pass it to, before he left on his last day? How come I wasn't informed of this before Steven left? Where was the cheque now? Do I need to report it as 'missing' cheque again, just like that of another company that was under Steven's care? Lots of questions were rushing through my head...

I decided to call Steven, even though he has already started teaching in a primary school. When he answered my call, I apologised for calling him, even though he had already left the company. Through our discussion, I found out that he had actually passed the cheque to Adrian before he left on his last day. So I thanked Steven & went to ask Adrian, if the cheques were with him. Lo & behold, they were! Adrian handed the envelope to me & I opened it to realize that there were 3 cheques addressed to 3 different companies slotted inside a SNEF envelope!

I had to return 1 of the cheques back to Finance because this particular cheque was declared as 'lost' earlier, as we could not find this cheque. Suddenly it was found, so I had to return it to the Finance Dept. I also replied an e-mail to John, 'cc' to Finance, explaining that the cheques were kept by Adrian. When John read that e-mail, he called me over to his desk & scolded me, saying that I had just sabo-ed Adrian! I was taken aback by his scolding coz I had to tell Finance the truth, isn't it? The cheques went missing for a few months & 1 of them were already declared as lost, so I had to explain to Finance when I suddenly found it, isn't it? I wasn't intentionally trying to 'sabo' Adrian! If not, what should I say? Who was the culprit holding onto all these cheques for such a long time? Me? Cannot be! And I wasn't the one keeping them inside my drawer!

John continued to reprimand me, saying that I should let him, as the manager, handle this issue & contain the trouble within the department... & not let another department know... giving them a reason to blame us. John also said that if I do that in another company, I will get into trouble & that colleague will hate me. I agree that it is true that it would be good to keep this 'discovery' of the cheques within our department, but Finance will still come to know of the real reason, right? If not, what are we going to tell them? That the cheques suddenly appeared out of nowhere?

John told me to try to recall this e-mail, which I did... but the e-mail title still revealed that the cheques were with Adrian. So not much difference, except that Finance didn't read the contents of my e-mail reply. I thought that this issue will soon simmer down the next day, but it didn't....

The next day (i.e. Thursday), the Head of Finance came to know about Adrian holding onto the cheques, became angry & sent a very unhappy & accusing e-mail to my manager John, 'cc' to Adrian, Eunice & me. As I was coaching Eunice that morning, I didn't reply to that e-mail. Then all of the sudden, Adrian walked over with this angry face & told me to call John to explain to him why the cheques were given to him, when he is not handling this funding scheme... & he doesn't know what to do with the cheques. After speaking his harsh words with his angry face, Adrian stormed off, Wilson turned to me & quietly said, "How would you know what Steven is thinking?" I replied, saying something like, "Precisely... I wasn't even told that there were cheques given to him (i.e. Adrian)!"

When I called John, I got scolded again about that e-mail to Finance. I replied that Finance will have to come to know of this reason, coz I had to return the cheques to them & this is really what happened! I didn't say this, but the truth is that when a cheque is declared missing, I had to fill up a form to declare that it is missing & the reason for it being missing. So won't Finance have known, either way?

But John still refused to listen & brushed me off... & what he said next hurt me MOST. After he had brushed off my explanation (which I had spoken with tact & as composed as I could sound, though angry inside), John said, "Matthew, I don't want to hear anymore. Can you just pack your bag & go home? Stop creating trouble for the department. You saw that e-mail? You saw the way that Ms Chua wrote to me? Now she is saying that our system is messed up. You are causing trouble between Finance & the department! So can you just pack up your things, go home & apply for your job. Don't stay around & cause trouble for our department. Don't you know why Mr Koh is willing to release you early? Did you ever ask yourself this question? Why is Mr Koh willing to lose money to pay you & still grant you early release? Coz the longer you stay here, the more trouble you are causing us. I know the audit is not yet over, but it is okay, you can go home & we will call you, when we need you to come back to office to settle the audit. Other than that, you are not needed here, so please stay home & apply for your job."

After that, John put down the phone... & I sat there, thinking about all those words that he had just said to me. I felt so hurt & angry. Actually, more hurt than angry. Now that I am typing this, I am also reminded that while I was allocating time to brief & coach Eunice (the new staff taking over my duties) every day, John said behind my back that I was wasting time telling stories to Eunice. Hello?! What stories? These are the background of how things started for certain aspects of this project! These are also lessons that I have learnt which I am passing on to the new staff, so that they won't have to make the same mistakes that I did! These are sharings about how to relate & work with certain departments & external agencies, coz their way of doing things are different!

You think I like to tell stories ah? I am doing all these, so that when I leave, the new staff will have the knowledge to carry on doing the work properly! Without knowing how certain projects started & became complicated along the way, how will these new staff be able to understand & handle these projects well? And John still dare to say that I am wasting time telling stories! He himself didn't even brief the new staff properly when they first joined us. On Wilson's first day, I spent 3 hours explaining so many things to him, so that he knows what's going on & how to do things. All these are time spent, which are not directly linked to KPI! But its important to the new staff! Even temp staff come in, I also spend time briefing them.

In 2 months, I have briefed & coached 5 new staff. You think very fun ah? It's tiring, you know! But I enjoyed relating to them during the process & find the meaning in sharing with them about the valuable things that they are required to know. Wilson & Eunice also know how to thank me & show appreciation for my efforts & patience. What does John know? And he still thinks that I am not needed here coz I am a nuisance that cause him trouble. Hello?! I cause him trouble for what? What do I stand to gain? After working with me for 14 months, you mean he can't tell that I am not such a person? When have I been a threat to anyone? Or him? SIGH...

All these was not over yet. Later that afternoon, John called us to his desk & scolded Adrian & I. John said, "Bonus is coming leh... & you are affecting your performance & my performance as a manager." To me, John scolded me, asking me why I am the manager & how can I not know that Steven was holding onto cheques, without giving them out to the companies. In my mind, I was screaming, "How would I know? Steven didn't tell me, how would I know? How am I to dream up whatever things involved in all that we do & ask about everything? Steven is supposed to be handing over to me, isn't it?"

John also reprimanded me for the poor handover by Steven. Hello?! Isn't that Steven's fault? If his handover is sloppy (which compared to my level of detailed handover to Eunice, can be considered so), whose fault is it? Mine? Just because I am the only staff left handling this funding scheme, so I get to take the blame? Hello?! Of course, I didn't say any of my thoughts, but they were all railing inside my brain! Since Steven left, I have been the main target for all sorts of things concerning this funding scheme. Even mistakes that Steven made in his paperwork, I had to answer for it. Hello?! All these companies that were being questioned are Steven's companies! Not mine! I didn't handle them, nor even type a single word in their proposal & letter of offer! You can point out the mistake, I can too... but its not my mistake!

I told John that I will find out from Steven, what exactly happened that day, which was his last day. Through a series of SMS correspondences, I discovered & re-confirmed that Steven did pass the cheques to Adrian & told him to pass the cheques to me to settle. So it was Adrian who had forgotten to pass those cheques to me! Whose fault was it then? Me? As a manager who was kept in the dark? Or the manager who is expected to have 6th sense or telepathy? Of course, Adrian won't know what to do with these cheques, coz Steven didn't tell him what to do with those cheques! But what Steven told Adrian was simple & absolutely straightforward - please pass to Matthew to settle. What's so difficult? Just pass to me lah!

If Adrian had forgotten & all these sparked up, how can he or John blame me? And if these are cheques which are addressed to companies, why on earth should Adrian be keeping them hidden inside his drawer for so long? And after Steven passed him the cheques, Adrian even went for 3 weeks of reservist & told nobody about those cheques! And even when Adrian came back from reservist, he still didn't tell me or anyone about those cheques! Trouble had to brew & I even had to call Steven to ask who did he pass those cheques to! That goes to show that obviously, neither Steven or Adrian had told me anything about any cheque! How can you just anyhow assume that I must be in the know of everything? Even things that was never communicated to me? Fine... What a way to leave on my last day, which was that same Thursday when all these happened...

Freedom of Association (3/3)

The third thing that has really made my upset since this early Monday morning - is about being misunderstood & wrongly accused by my colleague at work. Perhaps something may have triggered her anger & accusation towards me, but I still don't get why I should be dragged into this situation & have a finger or fingers pointed at me.

This incident was linked to the recent resignation of Carol, a temp staff in my department. Carol has officially held the record as the 1st temp staff who lasted less than 1 month in this company! But for whatever that had happened, I still silently admire her for her guts in pursuing what she really wants to do as her interest & her job. But of coz, there are more peaceful & better ways to resign... but oh well... I am sure it was a good learning experience for her...

By the 3rd week into the job, Carol felt that this job is bringing her nowhere, she couldn't stand the politics (actually I am quite sick of it myself after 19 months) & she disliked coming to work everyday, wondering what she will be doing &/or waiting for more mundane tasks to be passed to her to do. I must be honest, it pricks my heart too... when I hear my colleagues passing her work to do... work that they themselves do not want to do... if I were her, I would also feel that I am doing a 'shitty' job. Plus, she has to eat all by herself for 3 weeks, which is also quite lonely.

At the end of last week, Carol decided to call her staffing agency to tell them that she has decided to quit. When she asked if she needs to give advance notice, apparently (according to her), the staffing agency said it wasn't necessary coz she will already have paid the penalty of 2 weeks pay. So Carol drafted her resignation letter (with a little help from me & the internet, to give it a more professional look) & intended to pass it to my other colleague on Monday morning.

I was aware that she intends to resign from this temp job, but I didn't know that she will be resigning on the same day that she will be handing her resignation letter. It was quite a tense Monday morning for her, as she was contemplating when was the right time to hand it to my colleague. When I learnt that she wasn't giving any notice period, I was hesitant & cautioned her, but of coz it is ultimately between her & my other colleague. I didn't want to interfere too much, coz Carol was reporing to her.

It so happened that that colleague was busy that Monday morning & Carol was hesitant about 'dropping this bomb shell' on her. I would be just as anxious, if I were her. But I would give 1 week notice or something, to avoid getting into a fix, despite whatever the staffing agency said. Anyway, I was in a discussion with another colleague, when Carol messaged me, saying that the staffing agency called that colleague & she flew into a rage upon hearing this news! I mean, it was unfortunate that the staffing agency called, before Carol had the chance to talk to that colleague, but what to do... sometimes in life, such things happen.

Carol tried to explain that she had intended to tell that colleague, but she didn't want to interrupt & spoil that colleague's mood, while she was so busy & shock her with this bad news. I mean, it was considerate on Carol's part, but apparently that colleague got angry, brought Carol aside & scolded her, saying that its work, so its okay to interrupt her even though she is busy. Ok, so this clash occurred becoz of differing view of the situation.

I understand that Carol wanted to tell her personally, instead of just through an e-mail or SMS, which is more impersonal. I appreciated that thought of hers, though unappreciated by that colleague. Oh well, different people lah... if I were her direct supervisor, it would be a very different thing... maybe I am more composed than that colleague... or maybe I am more considerate towards others. In any case, its just a matter of differing opinions / views about how to handle this matter. Although some notice period would definitely be good...

The next time happened which shocked me - that colleague just barged into the meeting room where I was having a discussion with another colleague... & shouted, demanding to know why I knew about Carol getting a perm job & wanting to leave, yet didn't tell her. I said that I knew becoz Carol shared with me, as a friend, but I didn't know when Carol would actually be leaving & that she wasn't giving any notice period. That colleague shouted, "All of you knew about this, but none of you has the courtesy to tell me!" & stormed out of the meeting room. Both my colleague & I were stunned. I was affected & couldn't carry on briefing my other colleague coz I was very shakened at her strong words.

Why do I need to tell her? In the first place, I didn't even know when Carol is leaving! And Carol shared this with me as a friend, so why am I obligated to tell her what my friend confided in me? Like that, I had better not make any friends at work! Becoz if I make friends, then I will be expected to tell others what my friend(s) shared with me! This is ridiculous! Carol was very unhappy about this incident too. I am sure she meant well, though this matter could have been handled better.

Later that afternoon, that colleague brought me aside & scolded me again, saying something like, "I don't know what you have been telling Carol, but she doesn't respect me as her direct supervisor. You are leaving & she is reporting to me. And I don't know what bad things you have been saying about me to her, but please stop that." I was stunned. What bad things have I been bad-mouthing about her? Did I? No, I didn't! Where did she hear that from? And all the while, Carol was reporting to her, not me... plus, I specifically told Carol that she needs to tell that colleague coz I am leaving & I shouldn't be making this decision, even though I am the assistant manager. It was just unfortunate that the staffing agency called before Carol could tell that colleague...

So that colleague has been angry with me ever since & apparently, we have been avoiding each other's eye contact. Not that I wanted to, but what should I say to myself? That it is unfortunate that the temp staff & I became friends & she confided in me? No! Carol was a good friend to me, telling me jokes to cheer me up when I am feeling down, cutting Garfield cartoon for me & putting it on my desk when I was away on MC, letting me watch this DVD about this man born without arms & legs, send me inspiring worship songs, sharing with me about this Christian book titled 'Fourth Dimension', etc. Carol has been a good friend, what's wrong or bad about it? It's also my priviledge to have made this friend & I thank God for her... & I am sure if she is willing to be molded, God can use her mightily.

Oh well, this is how I stumbled upon my more recent lesson called 'Association'. People can be subjective by nature. If I am associated with someone who is regarded as doing bad things, then somehow or rather, I may get implicated if something bad happens. But should that stop me from making friends? No! I can't stop others from misunderstanding or accusing me... neither can I please everyone... & neither can I change everyone... so what should I do? Well, do what is true to my heart... continue to be sincere... try to be more forgiving... tolerant... & carry on with life... Whatever it is, I am still glad to have made friends with Carol... even if I could turn back time, I would still have done what I did...