An Amazing Breakthrough in Warfare Prayer

Wow... I cried when I read this e-mail from my church Pastor... really encouraged my heart...

Dear Covenantors,

An Amazing Breakthrough in Warfare Prayer

Last night I came back from Steven's mother baptism amazed at the way God worked marvelously in answer to prayer.

In order for you to appreciate the extraordinary nature of God's answer to prayer, let me give you a chronology of events:

It was only a week ago, last Tues, Ps Sum and wife visited Steven's mother - but she was resistant and asked them to leave her room.

She has already confirned with her youngest son her desire for Buddhist funeral rites. Deposits were paid.

On Sunday morning, at our corporate prayer, we prayed for our loved ones using the Warfare Prayer Guide. Steven/Polly prayed specifically for their mother.

On Sunday afternoon, Ps Sum and wife visited again and shared the Gospel - there was an amazing change of heart, she prayed to receive Christ.

Immediately she requested water baptism. Scheduled for 8.30pm, but her condition deteriorated quickly. Arrived earlier and she was baptized in the presence of all family members. A few minutes later she went to be with the LORD!

The 3 sons that are non-Christians saw the amazing grace of God at work. The son who was arranging the Buddhist funeral rites saw the visible difference in his mother when she chose to believe in Christ, there was a real sense of peace coming over her.

At about 5am Monday morning, the mother grabbed the son's hand and said, "Thank You Jesus, thank you Jesus". The son sensed a sweet fragrance in the room. The mother passed away very peacefully, she just crossed over to Paradise with no struggle.

We learn from this breakthrough that -

Nothing is impossible with God. Many of us have been harbouring unbelief in our hearts when we think of the salvation of family members. Somehow we find it hard to believe that a breakthrough can come. So don't give up hope.

Praying warfare prayer is important for the tearing down strongholds of the Enemy. He is constanty blinding and binding the lost to idolatry and darkness. See below the prayer guide we used on Sunday. Copies of the full article on Warfare Prayer Guide will be made available on Sunday at the reception. Standing together in agreement in prayer is crucial.

Surprise Despite Blunder!

I went for a job interview at Singapore National Employers Federation (SNEF) this afternoon. This was a surprise job opportunity that was presented to me one day through e-mail… perhaps I may have sent in a job application to before, but I can’t really recall coz I have sent out hundreds of resumes to many companies over the past months.

Thinking back, I’m still not sure how it all happened. Coz it’s rare that someone would just e-mail me ‘out of the blue’ with a one-line sentence, asking if I would be interested in a job & without giving any jobs details at all, until the interview. Indeed, it’s a strange way to get a job… & many blunders did happen along the way…

Firstly, I arrived at the SNEF office at Keppel Towers (Tanjong Pager), only to be told when I asked one of the staff that this isn’t the office which this Mr. Koh was at. I tried to call the number stated in his e-mail, but it was directed to a common switch-board telephone number!

Then I walked towards the lift area & tried to call & speak with the telephone operator, only to be suddenly asked, “Are you the one standing at the lift area?” I turned around & realized that I was actually speaking to the lady sitting at the reception inside that office!

I told her my problem & she managed to contact Mr. Koh & confirmed that he was located at the other SNEF office at Tanglin Shopping Centre. She wrote down the name of the shopping centre & floor level, passed the piece of paper to me & I went downstairs to the lift lobby to flag a cab.

Then the next few blunders started to take place…

I asked the security guard if I could call for a cab at this lobby & he said, “Just go outside & wait for a taxi.” So that’s what I did. I stood outside the lobby & waited in the afternoon heat for a taxi to arrive… but none did.

Feeling a bit frustrated coz I was already late, I decided to call for a City Cab. This phone operator asked me where I was & I told her that I’m at Keppel Towers. She asked if it’s the one at Robinson Road & I said that I’m not sure, but its near Tanjong Pagar MRT station & Amara Hotel. So she said that that’s the one… so I stood there waiting for my cab to arrive.

It didn’t arrive… even though I received this automated voice message telling me that my taxi had arrived. I went inside the building & realized that there was actually another lobby area at the other side of the building! I quickly walked there to see if the taxi had arrived, but there was no taxi in sight…

As I turned out to walk back to the other lobby & suddenly I saw the address 10 Hoe Chiang Road… Opps! Bummer! It’s not Robinson Road! Is there actually two Keppel Towers in Singapore? Argh… I didn’t have time to figure out, so I quickly walked back to the other lobby & thank God, I saw a taxi that had just turned into the lobby to alight a passenger. So I went into the taxi & gave the destination as Tanglin Shopping Centre.

This taxi was interesting… it was full of display items, miniature toys, as well as Classics & Oldies CD covers! The taxi driver is a very nice man, who chatted with me, while I was on my journey to Tanglin Shopping Centre. In fact, I actually enjoyed listening to his Classics compilation CD & felt more relaxed from the rush… He’s by far, one of the most cheerful taxi drivers that I have ever met & also told me some stories that he had come across in his 9 years of being a taxi driver & I chatted with him too, till we reached the destination.

I think it’s my first or second time being at this Shopping Centre, so I walked right in & took the first lift up. When I entered the lift, I realized that this lift only went up to the 6th storey & I needed to get to the 10th storey! I thought to myself, never mind, I’ll just run up the next 4 floors via the staircase & get to the 10th floor.

But it didn’t happen that way, as I thought it normally should. The lift door opened at the 6th floor & the huge smell of medicine swarmed around me! I felt like I had just entered into a hospital ward! I took the staircase up, but realized that just one floor above was a lot of construction going on & there was no way that I could pass through the 7th storey. So I had to walk down the stairs back to the 6th floor.

This time I asked a lady to direct me to the lifts which I can take to the 10th floor. She couldn’t speak English very well, but I could roughly make out her words, so I ended up wondering around this floor with pungent medicine smell.

Finally, I got to that lift area & took the lift to the 10th floor. I walked in, gave my name & the reception lady smiled at me, coz she had been expecting me, 40 minutes ago, but I didn’t arrive & even had the reception at the other office call this office & all the hoo-ha that took place, like Mr. Koh being shocked that I had ended up at the other office!

Anyway, I was handed this application form to fill up & my first thought that went through my mind was – “Oh great… I’m 40 minutes late & I still have to fill up this 3-page application form… Argh…”

As I sat down to fill up this application form, I realized that it wasn’t a typical ‘fill-in-the-blanks’ job application form. The second page had questions like “Describe your career objective in less than 50 words” & other questions like “Describe what kind of company would motivate me to excel in my work”.

Argh! I was already late & still had to think how to answer these questions? I was getting a bit fed-up, so I just answered them in point form… especially since all the questions stated that the answer should not be more than 50 words.

While I was filling up the form, another lady came up to me & asked me if I’m here for the interview. Embarrassed, I said yes & she smiled, told me to pass the application form to the reception when I had finished & walked back inside the office. Oh dear… I must have made quite an impression already…

After handing the filled up application form back to the reception, I walked around the place, browsing through brochures, in case I was asked about any of these during the interview. The same lady suddenly walked up to me again, so I quickly put down the brochure & got ready to go inside. She laughed & told me to take my time to read, coz Mr. Koh is still on the phone & will ask for me in about 10 minutes time.

My prompt reaction to put down the brochure must have shocked her, that’s why she laughed, I think… but I find her quite cute in her actions & body language… plus she looked quite cheerful too. Oh yes, cute school girl kind of voice too!

As I looked around the place, I noticed this row of awards displayed & walked closer to have a look. Suddenly, I saw this Mr. Koh’s name! He’s the Executive Director of SNEF! Wow! I’m going to have an interview with him? Scary! And all the more since I was already so late… Oh dear, I was so shocked that I just stared at that plague for several seconds…

A few minutes later, this cute sounding girl came out to usher me into Mr. Koh’s office. She told me that he’s the Executive Director & I acknowledged verbally, though in my mind I was thinking, “Yeah… I just found out too… from looking at those plagues on display… Oh dear…”

I went into the room & shook hands with Mr. Koh. He laughed & remarked that he didn’t expect me to turn up at the other building! He even asked, “Don’t you think it’s dangerous to go to the wrong building?” And I apologized repeatedly in embarrassment. Oh dear… what a way to start this interview with this high ranking guy…

Surprisingly, the interview went on quite smoothly. I was asked about my involvement at Meritus Mandarin Singapore & told that this job requires me to handle large scale projects & the current project on how to re-design jobs to help older workers stay employable, even till a later retirement age, one of the industries included the hospitality industry.

He asked if I was interested & I said yes, coz I had some experience working with hotels & I am keen about coordinating events & projects. I found this nature of work challenging coz it isn’t monotonous & there are always new things to learn.

Other questions were asked, such as “Tell me more about yourself, which you have not yet told me” & “Which schools were you from?” In fact, he commented why my resume didn’t state which schools I had attended. Hmm… time to revise your resume, Matthew…

In a sense, I kind of like his style coz he’s straight-forward in conversation. He looks serious, but not stern too... plus he’s a male boss & my immediate supervisor is a male too! I’m quite glad about that, coz I already had a small bit of unhappy issues with female bosses.

Following questions include, “What is your expected salary?” & “If I give you the job, can you start tomorrow?” I said yes & laughed to myself, coz it’s a good time to start since tomorrow is 1st March, the start of a new month!

In fact, when he asked that I almost couldn’t believe it, coz he was actually offering me the job right then & there… at the first interview! And after all the hoo-ha & blunders that had happened in the afternoon!

I was glad to be offered the job & I accepted it, even though my starting salary is slightly lower than what I had back in StarHub. But I knew that there were opportunities to progress in this company & it wasn’t restrictive like at StarHub, where I had to have qualifications & experience like Engineering & IT, in order to apply for another position in the company. Plus, it’s like a union, so the working conditions have to be fair & reasonable.

Before I left his office, he handed me this big file containing two reports that I should read through before coming to work tomorrow. Plus do some research on news articles about this project that I will be handling. It was a daunting task, but I was glad to be offered a job.

Leaving the building, I still couldn’t believe that I had suddenly got a job. I really thank God, because it all seemed so sudden & unreal… plus, this office is located in town & walking out of the building, once again, I found myself near Orchard area! YES! Matthew Sum is back at Orchard Road! Yeehaa! =)

Yeah, it’s going to be a totally new, complex & uphill task to work as a Projects Executive at SNEF. But at least it’s a good start… & I thank God for it. To be honest, I do feel afraid after reading & printing out those research articles… & I even called Rebecca to ask her to pray for me, coz I was panicking. This is my first time at this job & I’m a bit scared. But thank God, Rebecca was assuring & prayed for me… She even sounded very cute, when she said, “Okay… close your eyes!” Awww… so cute & innocent! Melted my heart… Thank God for her… coz if not for her, I would not have anyone else in my family who would be willing to hear me out & listen to my fears… =)

'Do My Best' Vs 'To Succeed'

Mr Peter Lim shared with me that he really admired Laurie (my SIM friend who recommended me this job at his company) because she is very determined & resilient. He needs someone with this level of drive & commitment in his company.

He shared that some time ago, Laurie's company CEO suddenly quit, leaving the company stranded with a boss, for whatever reason, I don't know. But Laurie didn't leave the company, but struggled through all the customers' complaints & mess in the company. I'm not sure if the company has got a CEO now, but I guess so... & I'm really proud to know & have a friend like Laurie. In fact, I was so awed when I heard Peter Lim share this & my heart felt warm to have worked with such a project group mate during my university days at SIM.

But the question comes back to me - Am I such a person? Am I a person who is willing to go all out to succeed in my job? Or am I someone who is contented with having a good job, with reasonable pay & prospects... just do my best in this job & not have any or much ambition to really SUCCEED in this company or industry that I'm working in?

Suddenly, it seemed to me that 'Success' had become a strange word to me. I guess that's the difference between a person who knows what he or she want & has the ambition & HUNGER to become better than where he or she currently is. Maybe in a school context, it's like a school teacher who aspires to become a principal in a short matter of years... or maybe even to get a high ranking position working at MOE itself... or something like that.

Maybe I don't feel this way now, coz I haven't yet found what I hope to become or do as a career. Or perhaps I'm just easily contented with a good job, reasonable pay to provide for myself & my family, having a balanced lifestyle of work, family & church, etc. I don't know... coz at present, I don't have any dreams for myself in terms of my career... just hope to get a good job, get married & settle down with a home of my own... of coz, with my wife & kids.

Is this naive? I don't know... but I can't just anyhow think up some ambition just like that... dreams & aspirations have to come from our heart... not just create one, because we currently do not have one... I don't know... I'm so lost...

Humble Interview on Plastic Chairs

This morning, I went for an interview at Nature’s Glory Pte Ltd, located at Tan Boon Liat building (quite near Tiong Bahru MRT). I remembered that when the boss Mr Peter Lim told me the name of the building, I was momentarily stunned coz it was the same building as the Christian bookstore - SKS Books!

Rebecca & I got lost once trying to make our way there on our own, so it’s kind-of comical to actually think about going to this place again, this time by myself. In fact, I was looking forward to actually discovering how to get there correctly & also to check out some Christian books since I’m already there.

Well, I ended up taking a cab there, coz I woke up late. But the night before, I did find out the directions to get there via the online Street Directory. So it wasn’t a blur to me anymore… & I realized why Rebecca & I got lost the last time… coz we took the correct bus, but at the wrong side of the road… so now we know… =)

It was quite a run-down place, not like a typical office building, but more of a warehouse kind of look. In fact, using the toilet made me think back to the time when I was working at Tai Seng, coz the toilet tiles were the exact same color & shade! But I tried to think otherwise & made a mental note that I had lived under such conditions back at Tai Seng, so this isn’t much of a difference.

As I took the lift up to the 11th floor, I noticed that there was this old man slouched on a red plastic chair, just asking which floor the lift passengers are going to & pressing the lift button for them. I was surprised to realize that the building management actually spent money employing someone to just sit there to press the lift buttons! After all, the lift passengers could do it themselves & it would take longer to tell this lift attendant then wait for him to look for the button to press.

Maybe it’s just to create jobs for more senior workers in their graying years. In a sense, I felt quite sad for him… coz he looked so listless, slouching on that red plastic chair for hours on end, going up & down this old, cranky lift. I was even afraid whether this lift would break down suddenly as it went up…

The moment I entered the office, I felt like I was superbly overdressed! It looked like a typical provision shop, with shelves of food on display (for sale), with shop attendants dressed in t-shirt or polo t-shirt, with jeans or casual pants! I was dressed in white shirt, black pants, blue tie & carrying a black business bag!

I had never felt this extreme awkwardness before, not when I was supposed to be going for a job interview. Thankfully, this odd feeling slowly subsided in a matter of minutes, as I gave my name to the cashier (yes, it was kind of shocking coz there wasn’t even a reception counter) & soon, this man came up to introduce himself to me. He was nice & his physique looked quite like Daniel’s father. I remember sharing this with Rebecca (it’s just an observation, not criticism) & she laughed… =)

He passed me the list of the company’s health foods & products catalogue & told me to read through for about 10 – 15 minutes & browse around the store, while he answered a call from a supplier from Australia.

I must say that it’s intriguing to read through some of the pamphlets, coz I never knew that there could be so many healing & natural medicinal properties in natural organic food produce! I was surprised to read that plums are highly regarded in Japan as one of the fruits taken to boost our body’s immune system! And the best part… Yeah, I like plums! Of coz, durian too… though I’m not sure if durian is good for anything, except its distinct smell & taste…

The conversation between Peter Lim & me was good… & in fact, encouraging in some sense, coz this is a family business started up by him, because he’s a Christian & decided to heed God’s direction to leave his highly influential & well paying job as an accountant at Price Waterhouse Coopers (a very well known & established accounting & audit company) & go into providing healthy sources of organic foods & products for the better of people in Singapore, as well as with some countries in this region.

To him, this is like his (& his family’s) mission… not to make lots of profit & grow a big organization, but to keep this distributor business small & low cost, so that quality premium health foods can be affordable to people all around. It’s a very noble cause that he committed himself to, considering that he chose to leave his previous job… & not because he was retrenched or anything unfortunate. In fact, he decided to leave just when he was asked to be promoted to a higher level manager in that previous company! It was really a huge step of faith for him.

And indeed it was so, coz for the first 6 years, he didn’t have a salary… & he shared several stories about how he felt like a few of Jesus’ disciples, trying to share this good news with people, but many shun away from him. It was a tough time… but he persevered till his company, now 15 years running & with dealers from around this region as his customers, selling to thousands of customers through their own retail shops. He’s very thankful about how God has led him so far… & he was even invited to speak on several instances at the radio station 93.8FM about health foods. In fact, even his company website was also listed as one of the more popular searches under the Google internet search engine!

This being said, the strategy to keep low costs due has an impact on employees, to a certain extent. Firstly, there is a low salary, with no increments, so that the company can provide health foods at the most affordable prices to its customers for their health benefits. Secondly, it’s a small 8-person company, which means that there’s a lot of work to be done & everyone is very busy doing everything, unlike large organizations where work is more specialized among its staff, categorized by its departments, etc. In this company, everything does whatever that needs to be done to get the customers’ orders through till the end of its delivery.

It’s quite a homely & humble environment, not as complicated as those of large corporations & no hierarchy, with just the boss & his son as the overall in charge. It was a very humble interview too, as the boss pulled out two plastic grey chairs for us to sit down, right next to the wooden tables around us. It felt different from working in a school, yet still quite away off from working at large organizations. And it was a very new experience being there…

It was quite a long conversation, as Peter Lim shared much about his philosophy about his company’s mission, how God has been directing this company through these 15 years, etc. He concluded by asking me to tell him about myself, so as to find out if I’m the right person for the job, coz it’s very demanding to work in a small entrepreneurial company.

I was at quite a lost at how to answer, coz this is the first time I’m considering a job at a ‘mission-oriented’ company. Plus, I still had my thoughts about teaching as a career, even though I have yet to be given a chance to see how it’s like to actually be a school teacher. I really don’t know if God will ever give me a chance to find out… or maybe the fact that I have a business degree unrelated to teaching could be a hint that God is closing this door. I don’t know… but I wish I would know…

Anyway, I told Peter Lim that I have interviews lined up this week, so I’ll give him a reply next Monday. He agreed & I left the office. Before I left the building, I strolled around SKS Books, praying & asking God to speak to me about where He is leading me to, as my job. I still didn’t hear anything, but I did stumble upon this thin bible study book about the issue of work & it only costs $8, so I bought it to go through at home, coz I really needed some direction & revelation about work, in relation to my life & my future. I’m hoping & praying that it would speak to me, coz I think my ears tend to be a bit blocked when I’m stressed or confused.

Knots & Ties

I had to re-learn how to ‘assemble’ a tie tonight, coz I have a few interviews lined up for me this week ahead. It was a tedious effort, as I struggled at it, as usual.

In the midst of my ‘assembling’, I made a remark to my parents saying that I’m not good at ties… coz even when I was in Scouts in my early school days; I had the most problem with knots. What I was good at was tightening the knots that were already tied. And I enjoyed exerting strength to taut these knots.

Of course, it wasn’t that I was absolutely bad at making knots, but I just didn’t like it (even though I knew they can be very useful) & had much more difficulty than the rest when it comes to learning to tie knots. Now, it’s the same with ties…

I tried to draw a conclusion about this, in the midst of my parents. I reasoned to myself verbally that perhaps I enjoyed & could probably be better at actions that required force & strength, rather than actions that require technique & delicate fingers…

Aha! This could also explain why (during those very rare occasions) I can hardly successfully thread a string through the hole of a needle! It wasn’t because I couldn’t see the hole clearly… but rather, it’s just that my fingers aren’t steady enough to slip the thread through the hole. Maybe it’s just the way I’m made…

Testing Waters…

After coming home from church today, Rebecca was shocked to realize that she had accidentally left her house keys in her other bag, leaving both of us stranded outside her house, while she checked & re-checked her bag. Although an astonishingly new & first-time experience for her, I felt worried for her coz she had lots of work to clear before the start of the new week.

Thus, we ended up coming back to my clubhouse to chat & stay out of the heat. Or it was more like Rebecca wanted to have a quieter place to talk & I wanted to stay out of the heat. After all, she is the one who hardly perspires, no matter how humid the weather may be… whereas I end up with a sweaty back.

Just when we had stepped out of the clubhouse, Rebecca pondered whether she should wash her hands at the small fountain area, right outside the clubhouse. She had just sneezed into a tissue paper, I think. Although it wasn’t exactly the most right thing to do, I thought that it should be fine, since it’s just a small fountain of water. So Rebecca dipped her left hand into the cool water…

She enjoyed it so much, that she soon took out her left hand & wanted to dip in her right hand, since the water is so cool. Just when she had taken out her left hand, she suddenly caught a sour smell coming from her left hand! Then she exclaimed that the water is dirty & smelly! Hahahaha…

It was such a comical sight, coz we suddenly realized that there was a CCTV camera pointed at our direction & was probably recording this entire scene! Both of us laughed & laughed… before Rebecca decided to walk back into the clubhouse to visit the washroom to wash off the smell from her hands. What a funny experience! We still laughed at it when we chatted on the phone at night. =)

Collection of BEC certificate

Finally, after a surprising 3 months, the Singapore Sports Council announced that all candidates who have passed the Basic Exercise Course (BEC) can collect their certificate from today onwards. So I made my way to Changi Business Park near Singapore Expo to collect my certificate.

It was a very hot & sunny afternoon & by the time I reached home, I was shocked to realize that my underwear was entirely drenched with sweat! This sight really stunned me coz I don’t even soak through my underwear, even after a 6 km run at East Coast beach. It sure was a hot weather!

Although the certificate looked rather plain, I’m both happy & thankful to have successfully passed this course at the first try. Seriously, it does benefit us to take up occasional short courses based on our interests. It does enrich your life, be it a sport, dance, hobby, etc.

In fact, I was surprised that some interviewers do seem impressed that I took up a course of my interest, while I was in the midst of finding a job. I think it speaks of a person’s keenness to improve himself in other aspects, besides just about things related to work. It tells of the person’s personality too, which should not be overlooked when they consider hiring someone into their company.

Eating Right for Your Blood Type

This morning, Rebecca & I attended this free admission health talk at the Heath Sciences Authority (HSA) building. It was on the topic of ‘Eating Right for Your Blood Type’. We found it an interesting 1 hour talk, though there were quite a fair bit of technical terminologies shared by the guest speaker.

I think the best part was when the speaker shared with us, what are the kinds of food & nature of exercise that our specific blood type really requires. To me, that was the most crucial portion. Though very brief, we learnt quite a bit of this talk.

Anyone who wishes to find out more can visit this website by Dr. Peter D’Adamo at http://www.dadamo.com.

Re-packaged by Adecco

I went for an interview with Adecco this afternoon at its branch office at International Plaza, near Tanjong Pagar MRT station. It was a warm day & I had started sweating ever since I left my home.

Entering into the office, I was surprised to see that it was an all-female work environment! Shocking! Well, okay… maybe it wasn’t shocking, but perhaps I just have something against working or being in an all-female environment. It’s just a strange feeling that I get… & it’s no doubt that I feel uncomfortable.

Anyway, I asked for Gina (the consultant who had called me) & sat at the sofa waiting for her to come out to greet me. This took quite awhile, so I picked up the newspaper & started reading.

Suddenly, my eyes started to get tuned in to female voices that were sounding formal & professional over the phone with clients… only to later hear these nice female voices suddenly change tone & shout across the room to their colleagues! Now this was shocking to me! For a moment, I was hearing courteous & professional female voices speaking in English over the phone… & the next moment, these voices turned loud as they shouted across the room in Mandarin!

I clearly recalled that I just sat there frozen at my seat, still holding the newspaper in my hands… apparently not reading it anymore, but astonished by this audio background sounding in my ear-drums… Wow… It was an impression.

This branch was very different from the other Adecco branch office at Tampines. There was much more guys working there… In fact, I don’t even recall seeing any female working in that branch office!

Soon, Gina came out to introduce herself to me. Both of us looked at each other with a strange expression, as if we silently wondered why the other person didn’t look like how we had expected them to look like.

It was strange… I didn’t know what she was thinking, but I was a bit confused. She sounded so nice & polite over our phone conversation… In fact, I actually found her voice cute over the phone! And I was actually looking forward to meeting with a female consultant with a cute feminine voice… but what I saw kind of surprised me.

She didn’t sound as cute as she sounded over the phone, though she did have an averagely good figure. Furthermore, she had this stern & serious look on her face… giving me the impression that if I had met her on the streets, I might have even thought that she was working as a lawyer! Not cute… not cute at all! Hmm...

Our short interview was serious, as expected… but I’m glad to have picked up some insights from her about how I should re-package myself as a prospective job seeking candidate.

Since she was on my side (her job is to help me find a job), I told her my problem & why I left my previous job at StarHub. Still looking & sounding as serious, she listened intently to my sharing & oh boy, she has very strong & firm eye contact! I didn’t feel intimidated, but I figured that she must be either a very independent woman, or she’s just acting out professionalism in her job.

At the end of that part of the conversation, she told me that it wasn’t because I’m not competent at what I was doing, but it was because I didn’t receive the right support from my boss & there was no training to aid me in doing my job well.

When I heard this, I was pleasantly surprised… coz what she said was very true, though it seemed to be putting more blame on the department than it was about me. Yet it is true… how can someone fit into his new job well, without any bit of training for more than 5 months? That’s crazy! But no matter, that part of my life is over… & now I had a new reply when I go for my next few interviews!

At the end of the interview, I left the place feeling happy coz Gina also advised me (although I had to ask) that for a general biz ad student like me, the only way to branch out to other areas would be to take another course to supplement my general degree. So at least I also learnt that I had to take another course, if I wished to explore other areas of work in future. Alternatively, I could rely on work experiences that are relevant to other jobs… which, at this point of time, seem quite difficult for me, with only one year of work experience.

But all in all, it was a very informative & encouraging interview with her. Plus, she offered to arrange for an interview for me with one permanent job at P&G (located at Outram) & another temp job (located at Commonwealth). Thank You, God! Hope this works out well… if I’m successfully selected… =)

Expectations in the Wrong Direction

If there’s anything about expectations that I’m fearful, it’s about not being able to live up to becoming the best that I can be, for the right reasons, of course. I’m convicted that life is short (the Bible says that as well) & if we don’t keep track of where we are heading, we might end up getting to the wrong place after all the time we had spent. That’s my expectation of my life.

There’s another side, which involves others’ expectations of me… & the world is ever-increasingly emphasizing this aspect about not just meeting others’ expectations, but exceeding their expectations. And that puts a lot of pressure on us, don’t you think? And it not just becomes an unhealthy pressure (if overboard), it comes an increasing pressure to the detriment of both parties in the end.

For the employee, this places the bar higher & higher for him to meet, giving him more unhealthy stress & pressure… & who knows, may even cost him to lose his job. It isn’t about improving anymore, but it becomes about chasing others’ wants which end up driving him crazy! Ask anyone who works for customers who think they are simply the king, just because they pay money…

For the customer, this increases his appetite for being treated like a king (unfortunately, an encouragement that doesn’t last long & he ends up comparing sooner or later), causing him to think too highly of himself, just because he pays some money. This leads to an ever-growing greed or desire for more & better. If not, he becomes unhappy & dissatisfied. And that doesn’t just influence his likings, but his perception about people & things as well. See the danger?

In the end, both parties end up becoming more & more unsatisfied. And in our present society today, one of the most difficult to find are people who are thankful & appreciative about what they have in life. See how unhealthy this can get?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that expectations are bad… but I personally think it depends on whether it is a healthy & constructive expectation. Anything wrongly encouraged, ends up having the wrong outcome.

At times, I experience this in my own life & it brings me confusion about how complicated Man has made this world out to be. And sometimes I feel in despair at all the mess that this world is creating on its own. I can’t change all that’s around me, yet I know I want to be different. I want to do constructive things & improve in a healthy manner.

Thus, when I heard this words being spoken by Chloe Sullivan, while watching ‘Smallville’, those words just jumped out at me… & she said -

“The thing about expectations is they are supposed to drive you to do more with your life, not stop you from living it. Personally, I think the future holds a lot more promise for you, than you give it credit.”

Sounds profound, but I find it true. I think that even though there are so many crazy happenings around, it is still wrong & to our loss, if we lose hope in what we can do in this world. Even though I’m not Superman doesn’t mean that I have to lose hope in life, not especially since God is the One who gave me life.

Of course, it’s easier said than done, especially when it comes to saying that to a disabled, blind or even paralyzed person. Yes, believe me, I have thought about that. And makes all the sense in the world, that we thank God that we are able to do much more, given that He has given us so much even now… Don’t you think?

Has the ‘Tide’ really changed? =)

I don’t believe it! Has the ‘wind direction’ really changed? It suddenly stopped blowing at me! Wow! It feels refreshing!

Yeah, it is; knowing that this is the second consecutive day that nothing bad has happened to me! Wow!

I have been feeling afraid of what each new day would present to me, ever since two Mondays ago. And I’m so glad that this ‘Tide’ has finally changed! Thank You, God! I really needed this break… really. Thank You! =)

How do we wish to be remembered?

Another thought which spoke to me (also mentioned over Channel News Asia) was about what S. Rajaratnam replied when he was asked, "How do you wish to be remembered?"

And if I can clearly remember his reply, it went like this - "Here lies the man. We are sorry that he has left the Earth." I'm not sure if anyone finds this statement profound, but personally I find it very simple. Or maybe S. Rajaratnam himself wanted it to be simple. A highly accomplished & well-liked man wanted to be remembered as someone simple? Hmm... now that's profound...

But that set me thinking about how I wish to be remembered after I'm gone from the Earth. So I asked my parents. My Dad smiled & my Mum said she never thought about it before. Either way, both of them didn't know what to say or think about it.

And that could be a problem for us. Not that we ought to envision ourselves as martyrs or great men who accomplished great things... but the fact that this question & OUR answer would play a part in determining how we think, what we do & the things we strive for in life.

That is... if we are even interested in answering this question in the first place...

And if so... the question remains - how do we wish to be remembered after we have left this Earth?

Problem with Crowded MRT

Thank God, I'm on the road towards recovery from my sudden bout of fever, body ache, vomitting, flu & giddiness. Hooray! It's not dengue fever!

But one thing still worries me - and that's about being in a crowded MRT when going to work in the early morning. I think it's a very efficient means of transportation to get commuters from a place to another, but there is one serious problem of the crowded space... coz it is a very easy place for germs to spread, be it the common flu or even SARS to other infectious illness.

Since it's not dengue fever, there is a very high chance that I fell sick on Tuesday because of the number of people coughing & sneezing near to me inside the crowded MRT to Tanjong Pagar. Of course, I should blame it on my low body resistance & for exercising much lesser these weeks... but still, the threat & problem exists... that crowded & enclosed MRT journeys can be a major means for germs to spread. And that's not something to be relaxed about... especially for those who are not too physically resistant against germs & flu bugs.

Venomous Tarantula!

I was watching 'National Geographic' on SCV this morning & saw this documentary about the Tarantula Spiders! I had always knew that this was a deadly venomous spider, but I don't recall it being so poisonous & deadly!

One scene in this short documentary showed this Tarantula Spider facing off with another venomous snake. This venomous snake is also very deadly; one bite & immediate amputation of the limb is necessary, if not the person would die very quickly.

Both these dangerous creatures were looking at each other, before they suddenly attacked. The fight lasted less than 2 seconds, with the Tarantula Spider leaping back right after the attack. For a few moments, both didn't move & I wondered what had happened.

Slowly, the Tarantula Spider crept towards the venomous snake & started to bite into its body. Then the commentator said that the Tarantula Spider had bitten the venomous snake & within just 4 minutes, this long venomous snake had died! What was next said & watched shocked me...

This Tarantula Spider's venom is so powerful that it doesn't just kill its prey, in this case it was a huge venomous snake which was like 10 times its full size! Furthermore, once this spider's venom enters its prey's body, it starts to slowly dissolve its prey FROM WITHIN! I was so shocked to hear that from the commentator!

It was both shocking & scary to watch this Tarantula Spider suck up the contents of this huge venomous snake. Not eat, but almost like it was drinking up this snake! And after 17 & 1/2 hours, what is left of this long snake is just its dead dried skin! My heart almost like froze when I saw this Tarantula Spider drag away the remaining scaled skin of that snake...

Thinking about it now, I just feel like vomitting... but such is the awesome deadliness of wild species in the jungle. Very scary... almost beyond my imagination. And just to end of this Blog, another section of this documentary showed a red-winged wasp attack & nearly killed this Tarantula Spider! Wow! It's only a wasp leh! Scary... the wildlife kingdom...

Knowledge Is Not Wisdom

One particular phrase struck me while I was watching 'Smallville' last night. Somehow this phrase seemed to give a little sense about my situation right now...

Lionel Luthor said to his son, Lex Luthor, "Knowledge comes from finding the answers... Yes, but understanding what the answers mean is what brings wisdom."

Coincided With My Birthday!

When I was working at Spire Research & Consulting a few days ago, I came across this calendar which has international public holidays stated in it. And guess what I found out?

My birthday, which is 18th September, coincides with Japan's "Respect for the Aged" day! Wow... =)

Why do the great perish?

This evening, my parents & I heard the news over Channel News Asia, about the death of one of our country's minister S. Rajaratnam. He was born in 1915 & has helped the PAP since its early years. Definitely a man who contributed a lot & a very cheerful man, from the movie clips shown over Channel News Asia.

Whenever someone had died, I would inevitably ask a question, which I asked my Mum this evening - "Is he a Christian?" And my Mum said no, because she read that he had a hindu funeral. It saddened me because it suddenly dawned upon me, how many ministers & good men had died, without knowing the saving grace of Jesus Christ. To name a few - Ong Teng Cheong, Wee Kim Wee, etc. And now even our Goh Chok Tong & Lee Kuan Yew. How I wish they would come to be saved by Jesus! But who would tell them? I really don't know...

I think very often & especially during the period before & during our country's national day, many Christians pray for our leaders, that they would be wise & upright... & able to lead our country well. But how many of us actually pray for our country's leaders, that they may come to know Christ? This is definitely something that we ought to think about. For it is most sad to see such great people do so many great things for people & for nations, only to end up... you know... in a place & in a state where no one ever wants to be...

The Next Bad Happening…

I woke up this morning, after having tossed about my bed, due to the discomfort for 13 full hours. I felt a little better, but after waking up for some time, the haziness in my head & body ache came back…

Just when I hoped that nothing bad would happen, although still skeptical that still things could happen, knowing my history over the past weeks… I finally received a call from M1, a company whom I had recently applied for a job there.

That lady asked if I could come down for an interview tomorrow, but I told her that I was not feeling well & asked if I could come down one day later. Her tone turned sour & told me that she had to KIV my application, coz tomorrow is the only schedule available for this interview. I pleaded again, asking if I could come down the following day… but she declined.

So once again, history has repeated itself. I lost my next job interview because I was still recuperating from my shocking illness yesterday. To make matters worse, Rubiah, the admin staff from Feng Shan Primary School called me too, but I didn’t pick up the call because I just felt so demoralized to tell her that I wasn’t feeling well. Coz even if my application for relief teaching was successful, I couldn’t start work yet… not when I’m still unwell & my body needs to recover.

I still don’t understand why bad things keep on happening to me, day after day. You know, I’m so afraid of going into a new day now… coz I don’t know what next would happen… Sigh…

When Will I Be Spared?

Yesterday morning, I arrived early at Spire Research & Consultancy Pte Ltd, eager to start my two days temp job. Though it was only two days, I was glad to earn a little bit of money coz my ATM card can no longer be used due to insufficient funds. Last month empty, this month empty again. Twice in two months… what a record.

Anyway, this lady introduced herself as Magdaline & ushered me into this small meeting room, where she asked for my NRIC & soon came back with a contract for me to read & sign. It was a strange feeling to be looking at another contract so soon, after that bad experience with MDIS last week.

After that, I was shown to my desk, where I was tasked to do data entry into this huge MS Excel spreadsheet, based on checking the Internet & brand catalogues. This was a huge spreadsheet with more than 17,000 rows of information to fill up! It was a daunting task, but if it wasn’t so, why would the company want to hire a temp staff for two days just to clear this up?

Magdaline gave me a bit of instructions & I started work. I find her a nice lady, probably around my age or so. Her voice is demure & innocent, sounding almost identical to Tracy! She’s also polite & gentle, which made my heart smile… =)

Soon it was almost lunch time, with most of the staff gone for lunch… so I made my own way, following the crowd downstairs… & ended up at Amoy Street hawker centre. I walked around, looking at the stalls, which apparently seemed to sell predominantly chicken rice & noodles.

I queued up & ordered a take-away of dumpling noodles, coz it was crowded & I couldn’t find anywhere to sit. I even noticed a group of ladies who reserved a table by putting ONE small packet of tissue paper on it. What a way to reserve a table… hopefully the wind won’t blow away her small packet of tissue paper…

As I walked back to the office building, I saw crowds of people just moving all around this CBD area & I started to compare between the school environment at MDIS & this hustle in the CBD. It was then that I realized what kind of work environment would most appeal to me, & that is to have my workplace located at the town area or near a shopping center. Of course, this is just my preference, if given a choice… coz I don’t feel comfortable in the CBD area. It’s just too much mess & crowd around which annoys my mind.

I took the lift up to the 8th floor (where my office is located), but couldn’t find any place to sit & eat my lunch… & ended up standing at one far corner, away from the offices’ entrances, holding my lunch with my left hand & eating with my chopstick with my right hand. For a moment, I felt like I was like a construction worker… standing & eating my lunch, away from everyone else.

Finishing my lunch, I still had about 20 minutes before my one hour lunch was over, so I took the lift downstairs & walked around the building to see if there are any shops nearby.

I was surprised to notice an MPH bookstore right across the road & went inside to take a look. What I saw quite surprised me… I have never seen so many executives & business professionals crowding inside an MPH bookstore! I know that it is after all a business district, but I guess I wasn’t expecting so many formally dressed executives at one MPH bookstore before…

As I browsed around, I could not help but notice that most people had this dis-interested expression on their faces & are just browsing books & magazines, because they are just trying to while their time away until lunch hour is over. Or maybe they are just feeling sleepy from their lunch. I don’t know.

But at that moment, I felt sad inside… coz personally, I would walk into an MPH bookstore to browse books coz I wanted to, but not just to while my time away. It was like such a un-appreciation for books & reading! I still can’t comprehend why I would want to do something like that, so I walked out of the bookstore & headed back to the office. I thought back to the time when I was working at StarHub & decided to close my eyes to rest awhile after lunch, or read a book quietly to myself. How I wish I was back at Cuppage again…

Before I went back to the office, I felt a tinge of stomachache, so I went to the toilet… but I could only manage a little bit of waste excretion from my anus. It felt odd, coz I did have a slight stomachache, but it was rare that I felt uncomfortable, but couldn’t pass it out. Never mind, so I got up & went back to the office to continue my work.

After a short while, I started to feel cold… which I ignored coz some staff had left the office for meeting, so I reasoned to myself that maybe it’s colder coz there’s less people in the office. But the cold feeling didn’t go away… & soon, I started shivering at my desk. I didn’t know why, but I decided to control it & continued my work. It felt odd though, coz I seldom felt cold in the office…

I controlled… & controlled… for about 2 hours, before I couldn’t help by wonder why I could be shivering for such a long time. I felt so cold that the fingers of my left hand, couldn’t even press ‘control’ ‘c’ to copy & paste using ‘control’ ‘v’. Now this was strange… I had never so cold that I had this much difficulty typing on a keyboard. Oh dear… is it really because of the air con?

As I continued my work, my legs started to tremble… followed by my upper body. I felt like I was at the Antarctic or some place very cold. I always thought that I was quite strong against cold, but not so when it came to heat. After all, I had trekked Fox Glacier in New Zealand & was the only 8 people who made it to the peak… & I had just trekked up Kota Kinabalu, even though it was freaking cold at above 4,000m in height. So this shouldn’t be a problem, I reasoned.

Eventually, I had so much difficulty typing that I left my desk & walked to the toilet outside the office to warm myself up. Gosh! It felt even colder outside the office! How could it be? I started to feel afraid… what’s happening to me?

I still felt that stomachache, so I tried to pass it out again. But this time nothing came out… & my legs kept on shivering until I had to clutch onto it, while trying to will my body to pass out any waste. It didn’t work, so I washed my face & went back to my work.

At about the 3rd hour of shivering, I walked back to the toilet & squatted right next to the basin, clutching my upper body, shivering & shivering… Believe me, it was warmer in the toilet, coz there is no air con… & I still couldn’t stop shivering. I tried to pass out waste inside the cubicle again, but this time my legs were trembling so hard that my right shoe was just hitting loudly on the toilet floor! I held onto my right leg as strongly as my hands could, so that the person in the cubicle next to me won’t suspect anything was wrong with me.

I didn’t want to be away from my desk for too long, so I steeled myself & walked back to the office, staggering & taking slow but heavy steps, while trying to look as if there wasn’t anything wrong with me.

Soon, I started to feel feverish & got a headache. I knew that this was serious & I needed to see a doctor on the way home. While doing my work (very slowly), my mind started to think how to explain & ask Magdaline if I could come to work the following day, instead of tomorrow.

I controlled & controlled, telling myself that I had to at least finish the work that was assigned to me to complete by today, so as not to leave too bad an impression. I tried to psycho myself, telling myself that Rocky is strong & determined… & so can I. But after awhile, I realized that it’s very different when your body is just literally half shutting down. Coz your mind & body reactions are not synchronized already… which means that even though my mind is strong, my body can’t perform. It was scary…

Finally, I relented & told God that I’m just tired of bad things happening to me everyday & I mean, literally everyday since last Monday! I’m just so tired & right now sick as well. Why does He have to do these to me? Haven’t I suffered enough for these past weeks? My morale has been almost reduced to zero from all that had happened so far & I’m just feeling too exhausted & discouraged to go on anymore with my life.

I started to feel aches & pains… causing me to sometimes suddenly clutch my right side of my body, clenching my teeth in pain. How I felt like I could just jump off the building (even though it’s only the 8th floor) & end this agonizing misery! I couldn’t control my body anymore & it was just scary to see it go out of control…

I told God that whatever He’s doing to be, for whatever good reason, I just don’t want it anymore. Even if it meant becoming less of what He wants me to be, I didn’t want to anymore. I just can’t take it already… I felt like Job… suffering quietly through agonizing pain & misery… from mental & emotional to now both, including the physical…

Finally, I managed to grit through the remaining of my assigned work, saved it into the thumb-drive, told Magdaline that I wasn’t feeling well & left the office. Upon receiving my SMS, my Mum told me to take a cab to see a doctor. While in the lift, I was praying that I could somehow find a cab, coz I had so much difficulty steeling my body to walk properly.

It must have been quite a sight to see someone like me, dressed in formal attire, staggering slowly along this busy business district. But I couldn’t help it, coz my shivering had stopped & changed to pure body ache. It wasn’t the kind that I could rub & ease the ache… it was like an ache within the bones itself.

As I walked, I finally saw a taxi stand & lumbered towards it, waiting in line with another 4 people in front of me. Finally, I got a cab & clutched my head in pain, while I hoped to reach the clinic near my house ASAP.

When I alighted from the taxi, I prayed to God, “Please let the clinic be open…” I would just break-down & scream out-loud, if I had reached the clinic & saw that the sign said ‘Closed’… coz this clinic near my house only opened at 3 different times of the day… & I didn’t really notice what were the 3 opening hours, coz I seldom feel that sick to see a doctor. Normally, it was just the cold & headache.

Thanks to God, the clinic was open. I gave my name & waited in line, with 4 people before me. Just when the 4th person was about to go in to the doctor’s room, another lady walked into the clinic & rushed in, maybe coz she had made an earlier appointment, but returned back to the clinic late or something.

I felt angry inside, coz I was like the most suffering patient in that clinic, clutching both my head & my body… & I was told that there were only 4 people who arrived before me. Finally, it was my turn & I spilled my story to the doctor.

The doctor suspected that it might be a case of dengue fever, which shocked me coz I remembered being bitten by dengue mosquitoes during BMT & later Army days, but I had never fell sick before from it. I thought I was strong… & my brother was strong too, coz both of us never got chicken pox before in our lives too. But my brother caught dengue late last year & now it seemed that it was my turn. Argh!

I was given two days MC & told to come back to see the doctor, if my fever still persisted after two days, especially if rashes appear, as one of the symptoms of dengue fever. I was scared & angry inside… as I left the clinic, wondering why God had to do this to me, on the first day of my job… & it’s only a temp job too! WHY?! And if it was confirmed as dengue, I would miss other opportunities for other job interviews! Plus, my contract with Spire Research & Consulting did state that I had to fulfill my second & last day with them first.

I came home, took my medicine & my bath. I felt so weak, just clutching my body in my room. I couldn’t even sit properly on my chair & had to kneel on the floor, while using my PC.
Soon, it was dinner time, but I could only eat one small piece of fish-cake, just the egg white & one hot dog. I couldn’t even really eat the rice, plus my hand was very weak to even hold the fork. Every few minutes, I would winch in pain, from the occasional sudden pain in my body. It was a terrible time for me…

A Great Soundtrack!

I bought the original soundtrack of ‘The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe’ from Borders bookstore, when I met up with Sean for dinner on Monday.

I’m very thankful that I managed to buy one of the last two limited edition copy which has a 3D image for its front cover! It’s beautiful & the soundtracks just as so beautiful & soothing to my soul… Listening to it makes me feel like I’m in Narnia, in spirit, but not in body. Coz this world is just plagued with too much bad happenings & people.

This morning, when I was sitting around while my Dad was watching TV, it suddenly dawned upon me & I asked my Dad, “Why is it that almost every channel you turn to, it tells bad news?” I realized that news reports tend to focus on a lot of bad things that happen & so little good things. Or maybe there’s just too many bad things happening around that people overlook the good that’s around. It’s so sad…

How I wish ‘Aslan the Lion’ would just come up to me… how I wish I could just snuggle up to Him… there’s so much pain & unhappiness in this world…

Hope to Hoax… Again

Last week was a screwed-up week, starting from Monday. I learnt a lot, but it was a terrible experience & I hope I don’t ever have to go through it again. I asked myself if this trial was meant to strengthen my character… but currently I’m still not sure if it did.

Or maybe the reason that I’m still unsure is because this Monday screwed-up pretty bad too… which could possibly explain why I’m still not in the right state of clarity to figure out why in the world did all that happen last week & how I have really benefited from that newly traumatic experience.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, I don’t know), this Monday was almost no different from last Monday, considering that both started to get screwed-up at around the same time of 3pm on both Mondays. Yeah, I still can’t believe that even both the timings could be that coincidental… or maybe it was planned or intended by God for some reason, which I can’t yet figure out.

I walked out to buy lunch at slightly past 1pm this Monday & while I was waiting for my two packets of fish-ball noodles (that stall was taking an awfully long time today, I don’t know why), I suddenly received this phone call.

It was a call from Feng Shan Primary School. Rubiah, the school admin staff, asked if I had submitted my online application form for relief teaching & whether I could come down for a briefing by one of the teachers (Miss Han) who had to take urgent leave for one month. Today was her last day, before her long urgent leave & this was why the school needed to find a relief teacher urgently.

I guessed that Rebecca had given her my contact number, as she had agreed to assist me with this last week. But I was stunned to receive the phone call, yet glad that finally I would get a chance to teach in a primary school & experience how it would be like to be a teacher. At least, it would definitely help me gauge if I had the qualities to be one, should I apply to the Ministry of Education (MOE) again in the near future.

Seriously, I was glad for this opportunity & thanked God in my heart, while I was talking to Rubiah over the phone, while still waiting for my fish-ball noodles. It was only a one month contract, but I was eager to give it a try & at the same time, to earn a bit of income to sustain my savings account, which apparently caused my ATM card to be unavailable for use for the second time, due to insufficient funds to even withdraw or use it as NETS. Trust me, it’s an unpleasant feeling to realize that it’s the second time that your ATM card can’t be used because you have run out of cash again.

I was so glad for this opportunity that I immediately sent SMS to Rebecca, her Dad & my Mum… as well as immediately telling my Dad when I came home with my fish-ball noodles. Uncle John didn’t reply yet, but my parents & Rebecca were glad… & so was I. It was such anticipation to be able to see how it’s like to teach young little kids, especially when Rubiah had told me that I would be assigned to a Primary 2 class. That would like a test to see if I could handle little kids. Yet at that point of time, I was also filled with apprehension coz I have no idea what the syllabus is like, how the class is like & I’m expected to start work the next day.

I started to eat my first packet of fish-ball noodles… & never did I expect this lunch to turn out as disrupted as it could possibly be! Halfway through my lunch, I received a call from Rubiah saying that she had called MOE & was told that my online application form had not been submitted yet! In fact, it was only saved as draft!

I was completely stunned… although I did remember getting into some technical glitch about sending that online relief teaching application form via the MOE website, I did check back at that website subsequently & saw that my status was under consideration… which meant that it got through, I think… if not, how could it be under consideration?

So I put down the phone & went online to check… & this time, I ran into the same technical glitch again! My login ID & password was rejected & I could not go into my application form to re-submit! In fact, I couldn’t even view my application form details! I started to feel afraid…

Before I hung up the phone, Rubiah had told me to call MOE, should there be any problems with this online submission. So I checked out the MOE contact number via its website & called the customer service centre to seek help about this. That lady took quite some time to check, before coming back to the phone & told me to leave her my contact number & she would call me back as soon as she could find out what had happened. I was getting worried already…

After some time, she did call back… but this time, the conversation ended by telling me to send an e-mail to a certain MOE e-mail address, telling them about the situation & asking for my password to be reset. I called Rubiah to update her about my situation & she apologized that she would not be able to hire me in this case, coz my application is not in the system & it would take about 2 - 3 working days to resolve this technical problem first. I was understanding & told her that it was okay, coz I wouldn’t think it would be a good idea to hire someone to take over me for just one week, while I settle my technical problem, then kick that fella out & come back to that P2 class to teach. It would be too disruptive & my heart told me that I should not do this at the expense of the children. So I thanked her for her time & put down the call.

Even though I was cool during the phone call with Rubiah, I grew frustrated after putting down the phone. I clearly remembered that my first sentence was, “God! Why are you making a fool of me?” I was very angry. Why did He have to raise my hopes & subsequently those people whom I had told the good news, only to turn everything all topsy turvy & throw me back to square one, once again, in just a short span of about an hour? Why?!

It was the same thing last Monday. I called MDIS to postpone my job start date, solely because I hoped to go for the STU job interview. But it ended up as a hoax & sent all my hopes crashing… & also to my parents, Rebecca & her parents. And now this! This week! A new week! A new Monday! And the same thing had happened!

I couldn’t even finish my one packet of fish-ball noodles! I had like 6 or 7 phone calls within that short time (with Feng Shan & MOE) & I still had to put my plate of noodles aside to check the MOE website & re-try & re-try entering into the online relief teaching application form screen. I prayed, but it still didn’t work. I was so upset & felt like I had been raised up & thrown back to the ground again… & for the second time in between two consecutive Mondays.

I felt so terrible… & Rebecca had a tough time talking to me over the phone, coz I was just so angry & pissed off with the situation & with God, coz it was so out of my control… & I couldn’t see how it could get any worse than that. And all this had to happen when Feng Shan Primary School needed to get a relief teacher in the next day. Great… what a way to lose a job opportunity… & a chance to experience teaching for itself.

Suddenly everything that appeared totally vanished & I’m ended up with nothing just like how the early Monday morning began. Worse still, I had spent many SMS telling my Mum, Rebecca, her Dad & also Sean (coz we were supposed to meet later for dinner). Many SMS had been sent each time I had new updates too. I kept sending SMS after SMS to postpone the meeting time with Sean till a later time… & even send him an SMS to cancel the meeting, before later sending him another SMS to tell him that all this hype was crap & I could meet him for dinner again at the same time, same place. I felt like a fool… & a fool who had wasted so many SMS & saliva over several phone calls. I was so discouraged.

After that I ended up watching a DVD at home, while brooding about all this crappy nonsense that had happened, when I received a phone call from Uncle John, asking what happened & ended up trying to say a few words of encouragement to me, coz I was so discouraged… & I was glad that he could tell that I was, without me not saying it. I remembered him saying that maybe God is trying to test me, etc… but I replied apathetically coz I just wasn’t feeling able to properly take in his encouragement, though I appreciated his words & effort. I guess I’m just not ready yet…

Strangely, Adecco job agency called some time later & told me that I had been offered a two-day temp job at Spire Research & Consulting Pte Ltd. I found out about the job scope & said that I would take it… starting work tomorrow morning from 9am – 6pm. It was only about two days work, but I guess it was short enough for me to take the chance of accepting this temp job… though I was quite surprised coz I had never heard of a two-day temp job before. Not from a market research company, at least. But it’s only about two days, at $7.50 per hour… so no harm giving it a try… & find out what I can learn from this experience.

The day ended with a dinner at NYDC & movie with Sean. The movie ‘The Fog’ was just average, though I think the script was quite bad. The storyline was messy (well, at least I think it was) & there was just a lot of fog here & there, making me laugh inside my heart, coz the film producers must had to keep on producing smoke to seem as if it was a fog. And it was a HUGE fog in the show, so it must have been quite a task… but it wasn’t scary or exciting at all, coz the storyline seemed like a mix between the ‘seem-a-like’ of ‘Final Destination’ & ‘The Pirates of the Carribean’ style. Hmm… but it was a good time of catch-up with Sean…

Rocky Inspired Rebecca!

I borrowed the DVD titled ‘Rocky IV’ to watch with Rebecca this afternoon. It’s my favorite episode of the 5 sequels so far, with the 6th & final sequel to be released in year 2007.

I was surprised that Rebecca found the show inspiring & even went to search out the lyrics of two of the songs which spoke to her! I totally didn’t expect that! And I’m so glad that she enjoyed the show & found it meaningful…

After having not watched this show for quite a long time, I actually shed a tear when I watched how determined Rocky was during his strict training. I actually teared! Wow… it’s been a long time… but it got me inspired again…

And even during the fight scene at the end of the show, where I watched Rocky getting knocked down so many times during the boxing match with Drago. It just warmed my heart & encouraged me to get up every time I fall… be it literally or metaphorically, when referring to my job search & other parts of my life.

Rebecca also laughed when I kept on singing the phrase, “Living in America!” several times that afternoon. *Laugh*… =)

But seriously, the lyrics of those two songs which Rebecca likes, has nice & meaningful lyrics. I used to listen & sing when I was studying during my school days. Here are the lyrics…

Hearts On Fire (John Cafferty)

Silent darkness creeps into your soul
And removes the light of self-control
The cave that holds you captive has no doors
Burnin' with determination to even up the score

Chorus:
Hearts on fire
Strong desire
Rages deep within
Hearts on fire
Fever's rising high
The moment of truth draws near

Time will not allow you to stand still, no
Silence breaks the heart and bends the will
And things that give deep passions are your sword
Rules and regulations have no meaning anymore


No Easy Way Out (Robert Tepper)

We're not indestructible
Baby better get that straight
I think it's unbelievable
How you give into the hands of fate

Some things are worth fighting for
Some feelings never die
I'm not askin' for another chance
I just wanna know why

Chorus:
There's no easy way out
There's no shortcut home
There's no easy way out
Givin' in can't be wrong

I don't wanna pacify you
I don't wanna drag you down
But I'm feelin’ like a prisoner
Like a stranger in a no named town

I see all the angry faces
Afraid that it could be you and me
Talkin’ about what might have been
I'm thinkin’ about what I used to be

Bridge:
Baby, we can shed this skin
We can know how we feel this way
Instead of goin’ down an endless road
Not knowin’ if we're dead or alive

Some things are worth fighting for
Some feelings never die
I'm not askin' for another chance
I just wanna know why

Can I Still Climb?

I don’t know why the sudden thought about going trekking at Kota Kinabalu came to my mind while I was bathing tonight. I guess I do miss the adventure that I shared with some of the Young Adults that went along to this expedition trip.

For most of us, it was our first time trekking an over 4,000m high mountain… & I enjoyed the camaraderie that we shared during the initial months of training & especially during the actual trip itself. I’m thankful to have gotten to know Liliang, Elaine, Ann, William, Jonathan, etc. I seriously missed those times back last year. How I wished that I could spare like $100+ to print out all those nice photographs taken at the trip there.

Then the next thought came to my mind – would I still be able to go for such climbing trips once I’m married? Right at that moment, floods of thoughts surged into my mind, as I pondered about them over the next few minutes of my bath.

Questions like – is it right to leave my wife alone at home, if she’s afraid or not interested in going mountain trekking with me? Of coz, it would be great if both of us could go together, but what if she’s not keen? Or what if her parents are not keen? Would they think that I’m an irresponsible husband to go climbing on my own, leaving her alone at home? Or would they think that I’m not concerned for her safety, by asking her along to this trip? How much would her parents still control her even after marriage?

Then I started to reason to myself – well, maybe if we do not have a baby to look after, then it isn’t too bad. But once we have a baby to care for, then it would be totally irresponsible of me to go for this trip alone, leaving her with the baby, which needs a few years to grow up, which means I can’t go climbing for those few years. But does this sport really mean a lot to me? Not really, but I do like & appreciate the occasional activity & challenge of something like this… especially when it allows me to bond with my fellow Young Adult friends.

The next thought came to my mind – would it be possible that I could bring my family along to such a trip? Of course, when the kids grow up lah… then it would be like Jonathan, Uncle Chee Seng & family going to climb KK together. I think it would be so fun & would certainly bond the family together! But would they want to do this? What if they are not interested? Should a father go for such a rare occasional trip like this, even though his children are old enough to take care of themselves? Would it be fair to my wife?

Hmm… there are so many questions… & so few answers… but I guess I’ll take it when the time comes. Marriage will certainly change my life, I know it… which can be both good & bad at the same time, depending on how I look at it. Hopefully, there would be more good than bad…

Friends or Friendless at Church?

People are complicated beings, just like me… & often, I just can’t explain why things happen in a certain way, be it anywhere else, even at church. This reminded me of the Christian book which Rebecca lent to me, which stated that whether there is human will involved in a situation, the outcome can never be 100% for sure, as what we may predict it out to be.

Thinking about it, I can’t even understand my hamster at times or even my terrapins which I used to keep last year… much less human beings with such a God-given conceivable mind! To be honest, sometimes I don’t even understand why I think or feel or behave in a certain way… & if I can be strange at times, it’s sure as well possible with all other human beings around me.

I have been pondering about it for some time already & decided to stop serving in the Youth Ministry (YM) after the end of this year. Firstly, it’s because I have been almost continuously serving in this ministry ever since I was at my previous church… & by the end of this year, I would have served in YM for 4 & ½ years!

I feel very sad that I have lost so much touch with the Young Adults (YA), especially those around my age group, like Cheryl, Joel, Jacob, Hwee Juan, Hwee Lee (though he’s a lot older than me), Sharon, etc. I guess there is a cost to serving for 3 full years at YM & not having attended YA sessions on Sunday for such a very, very long time!

Please don’t tell me that the occasional bi-weekly CG meetings would make up for it, coz seriously it doesn’t! It really doesn’t! At least to me, it just doesn’t! Or even the once or twice a year YA retreats & stuff like that. I mean, you can’t just meet up with someone or a group of friends like a small handful of times a year & expect to build good, close friendships with them, right? As it is, it is already so difficult for people to open up to share with me… or maybe the problem lies with me… coz the only person whom I feel still occasionally shares with me, is Joel. To me, even that little tiny bit counts…

It has grown to such an extent that I feel awkward talking to those YA that I used to relate with previously. I used to be able to strike up a casual chat with people like Andrew, William, etc… but now I don’t even know how to start up a proper conversation with them. It’s like our lives are so far apart that I don’t even know if I have the guts to talk to them for longer than a few seconds or maybe a minute, coz I don’t know what to say! And I do hate awkward silences…

I guess it doesn’t help that I’m not that extrovert myself. I’m more of an introvert, but definitely someone who treasures friendships, though they can be tough to maintain, especially when I have several friends to keep catching up with.

Then another dilemma comes, by the fact that I’m attached with Rebecca. So for working adults, Sunday is like the most precious day that we can spend with our ‘significant other’… & with the first half of Sunday taken up by church, there is little time left, before we go home to prepare for the new week of work ahead.

Personally, I struggle with time spent with Rebecca & with my other YA friends. On one hand, I want to spend time with Rebecca & there is so few hours left every Sunday… & on the other hand, the YA seem to be involved in other activities which doesn’t allow me to spend personal quality time with Rebecca. So it’s really a real struggle & juggle between both. Plus the fact that nowadays I feel so drawn away from the YA until I don’t feel that I fit in anymore… It’s very sad, but I don’t know how to get out of it. Suddenly just jumping back to be with them would feel weird, coz it’s like I’m suddenly intruding back into this group which I had left for so long, coz I’m so caught up in the YM. I really don’t know what to do or what to think anymore… just so tired about these juggling matters.

I remember that when I first joined this church through Gordon’s CG a few years back, I initiated to have a one-to-one lunch / dinner with friends like Cheryl & Joel. I wanted to start with a few people whom I hope to start a friendship with at this new church that I had decided to attend.

The get-together with Cheryl was good & we managed to chat quite a bit. I still remember that she wore this green Army camouflage sleeveless t-shirt, when we both met for lunch at Orchard Cineleisure. But that was like some years back already. After quite a long time, I decided to initiate another get-together with Cheryl… & this time, Rebecca came along too. I felt a bit weird, coz I find it easier to relate with a friend one-to-one, but I supposed the fact that I was attached with Rebecca, probably made it seem that the right thing to do was to invite her alone.

Of course, I enjoyed Rebecca’s company… but I’m just thinking whether it was like a ‘no-choice-have-to-invite-his-girlfriend-along’ kind of situation, so that Cheryl won’t worry if Rebecca would get jealous, or if Rebecca wants to be around to make sure I don’t get into too intimate sharing with Cheryl. I don’t know… I just felt that there’s this stigma about having a girlfriend, such that other girls may feel worried about meeting up with me for a meal to catch-up. These are just some of my thoughts…

As for Joel, we did try to start this buddy prayer thing, where we would call up each other once a week to chat & pray. We managed it the first time round, but subsequently, it failed… I guess we were all busy & occupied with our own work & stuff. Thus, sometimes when I happened to sit beside or near him at church service, I would initiate to pray with him & chat a little bit. Oh well, at least it’s a start… thought a dwindling start…

Thus, I’m just wondering how life would be for me in this church from here onwards. I’m considering becoming more involved in Community Penetration (CP) work next year, when I stepped out of YM… yet I’m not sure how it fits in with re-establishing friendships with some of the YA. Well, perhaps I would at least be able to mingle with them on Sunday YA sessions… I don’t know… see how it goes… & take things one step at a time… Argh… so confusing…

Posted to Ayer Rajah Camp

With some time over this weekend, I thought of recapping some of the events that happened back during my Army days, but specifically the part right after BMT, when I was posted to Ayer Rajah Camp.

I recalled that day when I was driven in a 3-tonner truck, along with two other BMT mates, to Ayer Rajah Camp. It was a bumpy ride… not because the roads that we traveled on were bumpy, but because my heart was bumpy with quite some bit of uncertainty about what awaits me.

To make matters worse, I found out that two of them are in the same vocation as me – vehicle technicians! I didn’t like them a single bit coz they were corky, rude, annoying & unfriendly towards me. And at that time, I was still a quiet & reserved person, just trying to keep my head low, stay out of people’s business & get through NS as quickly & smoothly as I could. Thinking about it, even though I have changed quite a bit since then, I still don’t like such annoying people…

It was bad enough that I didn’t like my assigned vocation… & now I had to be posted to a totally new Army camp with people whom I didn’t like at all. I really wanted to do something more interesting, even though I knew that I couldn’t be transferred out of my non-combat PES status… & the last & most detested vocation that I ever dreamt of becoming was a vehicle technician.

I was totally uninterested in this vocation, coz I knew that, daunting as it is, I still loved the challenge of negotiating obstacles courses, firing my M16-S1 rifle & challenging myself to get my best IPPT score at every IPPT that I went for. Even when I was training for my own NAPFA back during my early school days, I was already pitting myself for the best possible score, each time I self-trained.

For the normal NAPFA or IPPT, there would be a short break in between each test station. But when I trained myself, I made sure that I completed all the stations, before I would even stop to catch my breath. This was the way I trained last time… & believe me, it is a very good way to train… coz it really taxes your strength & stamina. Try doing pull-ups when you have just finished doing like 50 sit-ups & 3 attempts at standing broad jump… & you will know what I mean. And if you can do it well in this manner, your actual NAPFA or IPPT would surely be a breeze… I know… coz I have done it before.

Another thing that I discovered about why some people under-perform in their 2.4km run, is because all that rest in between each test station had actually slowed down their heart-rate & they end up unconsciously cooled down… until when it comes to the actual 2.4km run, their bodies need to re-warm up again.

And that takes time! That’s why you see people who charge at the beginning of the 2.4km run, slowly burn out, coz their lungs, heart & limbs have not yet warmed up sufficiently before the sudden burst of exertion (although it’s true that it could possibly be that they didn’t have enough stamina)… or people whose legs couldn’t run as fast as they possibly could, because of this cooling down effect… & end up running in a brisk regular pace… wondering why their legs don’t seem to be able to move as fast as they used to.

Believe me, I know… coz I have been a victim of such mistakes in the past.

Anyway, this 3-tonner truck brought us to Ayer Rajah Camp & for the first time, I took a look around the place from inside the truck. It was quite a huge compound, though I don’t know any Army camps that have small compounds. When we passed by the medical centre, one of the BMT mates said, “I must get to know the MO (Medical Officer) there…” Obviously, he was already thinking of slacking.

The 3-tonner truck dropped us off at the far end of the camp, where I alighted with these ‘scum-bags’. I was dreading every next moment, as I wondered what might befall me in this junkyard-looking place. After all, it is a vehicle repair area, what more different should I expect?

There, I was left at 1st Automotive Maintenance Company (1AC), under the care of 2nd Warrant Officer (2WO) Robert, whose surname is too complicated for me to remember & spell. He looked very strict & stern… & his first words proved my guess as correct. He is a stern, strict man… definitely not someone to play or fool around with.

2WO Robert briefed us & it was a huge relief to realize that two of them were to be posted to 3AC, whereas I would be staying at 1AC. Wow! That’s great news! And seriously, I was glad to see them walk off towards the next building, with their big green Army duffel bags.

I stayed behind, but soon was introduced to two other Privates like myself (we graduated from our Recruit status after passing out of BMT). One of them was skinny & the other was plump… & both were shorter than me. Hmm… it was quite a sight. The skinny one looked very street-wise & resourceful, as he soon proved himself to be over the next few weeks; whereas the plump one looked like an ‘Ah Beng’ & a slacker, which he also soon proved to be.

We were assigned our green coveralls (like those people who worked in car repair workshops), which we had to wear everyday. It was really warm to wear the coveralls & I never like it one bit, throughout those months before & after I had become a trained vehicle technician.

As 3 of us weren’t trained in vehicle repair & maintenance, we were told to sit inside this store area, spending the whole day, manually shredding papers by hand. Believe me, it couldn’t get any more boring than this… this dragged on for days… & it sure made our hands & fingers very tired at the end of the day.

After there was no more paper to shred, we were told to help out at the same store area, this time laminating stuff. Once all the laminating had been done, we ended up labeling vehicle spare parts in that store area. It was all so monotonous & I really wondered what in the world am I wasting my life here.

I’m not sure about other companies, but in 1AC, there was this practice that the newest & lowest ranking soldier(s) would collect daily afternoon tea-break orders from everyone else in the whole company (yes, mind you… it’s the whole company, meaning 40-50 soldiers & an average of 30 would place their order).

It was a pitiful sight for Privates like me, who went around with a piece of A4 size paper & pen at around 2:30pm, taking orders for my entire company. There were all sorts of orders, from tea/coffee with milk, to tea/coffee without milk, to all sorts of soft drinks, all sorts of steamed ‘pau’ & ‘tim sum’, chicken wings, mee rebus, mee soto, mee siam, rojak, tidbits, etc.

It was a scary experience each time I was rostered to do it, coz that would mean walking to & fro from the canteen, 2 or 3 times, each time carrying back a boxful of tea-break food & drink items. And a few of the more senior soldiers would bully me, ordering me to go back to the canteen to bring them a straw for their drink, whether was it my mistake to forget or they didn’t tell me. It was tiring time in that short half an hour & sometimes, I don’t even have the time to eat my own tea-break.

I would get so stressed up every time it was my turn & I would sometimes even dread it even the night before. All sorts of things could happen, for example, if I missed or forgot a particular order, I had to go all the way to the canteen to buy & come back, even if it was just a cup of drink or food item as small as a ‘siew mai’. Then come the problem & hassle about giving back the notes & coins as change to each person. It was difficult to get the correct change for everyone & I would get scolded if I couldn’t give them back the right change. Sometimes, I even had to pay out of my own pocket, if I had counted wrongly.

Lunch time was another hassle, coz all of us had to line up in formation at the road, then march to the cookhouse, where we would join the horrendously long queue of soldiers from all other companies, lining up for their lunch as well. The queue could be as long as 50 – 60 soldiers in front of me… & sometimes some more senior soldiers would bully me, by pushing me out of the queue, or asking me to give way to them to cut into the queue. I couldn’t argue or fight with them, coz they had their own cliques & could easily bad-mouth me & get me into deeper trouble with the officers.

Even without their interference, the queuing up time could be as long as 20 – 30 minutes, before I would even reach the area where I could collect my food. Then, I had to quickly finish my food & get back to my company compound. All this in a time of 1 hour…

One of them, Caleb, used this time everyday to read the small Bible which he carried in his coverall pocket. He wasn’t well-liked too, though very few would bully him often coz he was the same rank as they. Plus he was working in the calibration room all by himself, so he didn’t have to work with them.

On some days, when I managed to finish my lunch earlier, I could get back to my company line (i.e. compound) just in time to catch 10 minutes to sleep. Soon, I learnt how to run to queue up, eat faster then get back in time for as long as 15 minutes of sleep! Believe me, even that extra 5 minutes meant a lot…

Every once a week, I think it’s every Friday, there would be a company run, where we would all change to our PT attire & go for a run around the camp. That was my most enjoyed moment of the day, coz I love running & could run well… & after that, I knew that we could pack up & go home… something that I look forward to every single day. Just get away from all the annoying people & greasy work at 1AC.

Then there was our regular guard duty, where each soldier would take his turn, at least once or twice a month, staying back in the guardhouse, answering calls, checking visitors’ passes, going for middle of the night guard prowls, watching a little bit of TV (if the officer on duty is nice), etc… as well as the usual problem of surviving the night of mosquitoes & occasional lizards. This was when I learnt how useful it is, to keep my Army boots on, while asleep… so the mozzies won’t bite my toes & feet… though they still attacked my arms & face, at times.

Lastly, there was also the usual roster duty of closing up the company workshop at the end of each day. That was a tedious task for me, especially when the main gate was very difficult to pull down to close. It was old & rusty… & there the metal shafts had to be fitted into the gate ceiling, before the gate would even be able to be pulled down to close. Once in a blue moon, someone would assist me, coz each metal shaft was heavy… but most of the time, no one really bothered to come to my aid. Everyone was just eager to get out of camp. Anyway, after finishing my duties, I would be the last person to go home… hoping that it would be some time, before it was my turn again.

Finally, the day came when three of us Privates were told to report to the Ordnance Engineering Training Institute (OETI) for official training to become an automotive vehicle technician (A-vehicle), referring to tanks & armored vehicles. ‘B-vehicle’ would refer to trucks like the 3-tonners, motorcycles, etc & ‘C-vehicle’ would refer to cranes, tractors & such.

To be continued in my next Blog entry about my adventures at OETI…

Elfie's Changed Preference

I bought a small packet of ikan bilis for my hamster Elfie, only to realize that he has changed his taste for food. He doesn’t like ikan bilis anymore! He literally turns his head & whole body away when I offer him an ikan bilis! Shocking! And when I offered him a black seed & he threw himself at it, as if he had not eaten one in ages! I think he just wants to eat those black seeds. Hmm…

Never Before In My Life

This Wednesday, I did the strangest, bravest & most shocking thing that I had ever done before in my life. I rejected the job offer by MDIS. Of course, it wasn’t just about me rejecting it, but HOW I rejected it, that made this entire experience so extraordinary, shocking & impressionable on my heart. And I believe seriously very impressionable to all those at MDIS too… really.

Two days have passed since that day & finally, I have got the guts to sit down & type down this historic happening that has never before taken place in my life. Of course, the intensity of the situation has died down quite a bit over the past two days, since what is done; has already been done… but the memory still remains. Here is my story of what happened…

This is the first time in my life that I have ever been so distraught, tensed & entirely perplexed, that I seriously wonder how did I ever live through those 5 days when all these was happening.

After the huge shock on Monday that the Singapore Teachers’ Union (STU) job turned out to be an incidental hoax, stunning my parents & Rebecca’s parents, as well as Rebecca & me… all that verbal debates & SMS discussions continued for the rest of the day, putting all 6 of us in a lot of stress & dilemma. It was a terrible time & this complex decision had gotten all of us so frustrated because of the legally binding contract terms & conditions by MDIS.

The crux of the matter was whether or not to agree & go with MDIS’ two very restrictive contract terms & conditions. Firstly, that there is a minimum commitment period of 1 year of service & secondly, failing which the employee has to pay 3 full months pay as compensation.

This is crazy! All of us found these terms & conditions so unfair & merely beneficial towards the organization, leaving no flexibility or choice for the staff. I mean, even if the 1 year commitment is reasonable, why in the world should I subject myself to compensate the company 3 full months pay, if I should want to leave this job before the entire 1 year is up?

I was discussing with Rebecca & told her that it is understandable that she would need to pay a certain sum of money back to the Ministry of Education (MOE), should she leave the teaching profession within her 4 years contract. This is because MOE has given her free university tuition fees for 4 years of full time education, as well as giving her an allowance for the first 2 years during as a trainee teacher. MOE has given so much, so it is fair that compensation is made, as part of the teaching contract.

But in my case, why should there be any compensation, when I’m not receiving any free training or any certification courses, or even any allowance should there be any courses to undergo? There are none! I’m just going to there to work & I’m even going to get paid a lower than average salary, compared to my peers. Furthermore, MDIS being a non-profit organization, salary increments will be very limited too. So why should I put myself in this situation, where I have to subject myself to these conditions? What’s there to gain in this, except that I get paid (obviously) for the work that I put in? And it’s a lower than average salary too.

So it was a matter of whether to take this job for the meantime, while looking out for other better jobs that may come along later. But these terms & conditions are precisely what are restricting me from doing so… so should I or should I not go for it & live with whatever risks that I may be faced with in this job? Not to mention that I may have already created a negative impression for postponing my job start date, so that I could go for the STU job interview, which unfortunately turned out to be a hoax.

All those past days, I have had un-restful sleep & no peace during the day, while I pray & struggle about making my decision before the end of the office hours on Tuesday.

Finally, I decided to call the MDIS’ HR Senior Executive on Tuesday, to ask if I could come down & sign the contract & start work on Wednesday morning instead of the previously mentioned next Monday. After all that had happened in those last few days, I was just on the verge of giving up & just give in to this job & take it for the meantime.

HR agreed, but said that I would have to start work in the morning first, and then sign the contract in the afternoon, coz she would be away at a seminar in the morning. Well, no issue with me, coz by that time, I had already made up my mind to go for this MDIS job, prepared my two passport sized photographs as instructed by the HR & even bought two new shirts, two ties & one pair of black pants for the start of this new job.

The reason why I did so, was because this job required me to wear a tie every day at work & I didn’t have any matching ties in my clothes cupboard, so I had to spend money to buy two shirts & two matching ties, just so that I could have at least two matching attires & matched these two ties with the other color shirts that I already have back home. So you see… there has really been much pain, unrest & sacrifice that I had to go through for this job. But I decided to turn this opportunity to my advantage, so that I could see how the work environment was like, before deciding whether or not to sign the contract in the afternoon.

I remembered that that night, I dreamt about my ex-boss Gladys again. It wasn’t a nightmare, but it was a bad dream. I dreamt that Gladys became my manager at MDIS. For some reason, she had left StarHub, but I couldn’t be bothered why, coz now the problem is that she had joined the same company as me & again ended up as my direct reporting supervisor. Oh great… history repeating itself once again.

In that dream, it was very, very awkward. Gladys didn’t even want to look at me & I didn’t want to look at her either. And it was the same terrible feeling that I had when working right next to her last year (in reality)… just that it’s happening once again in this dream. How I wish that I would never, ever, ever work beside her ever again in my entire life. Best thing is that I never see her again in my life. I don’t hate her, but both of us just don’t like each other & I think its best that we leave it that way.

For the first time in many months, I actually woke up at 6:30 am… before the sun even rose from the East... & I’m staying right at East Coast, so I’ll be one of the first few people in Singapore to see the first sun rays every morning… if I’m awake at that time, that is. *Smile*… =)

Anyway, I woke up before everyone else in my family awoke, filled with much apprehension about this day, coz every step, every bit of happening, big or small, would play a part in changing my life from this day forth.

It was an early, but crazy & hectic morning. So far, the companies that I had worked weren’t located as far as Queenstown, so I normally left for work at about 7:30 or 7:45am. But I was this early today & I was shocked to see that cars are zooming faster than they normally do at around after 8pm on an average work day. In fact, it kind-of surprised me that cars move faster when the sun beams first appear; compared to when the sun beams had appeared.

It was scary just seeing cars zoom past like those racing cars in track races. Believe me, the cars were literally zooming… & the vehicle sounds went like ‘Vroom…” sounding just like the word ‘zoom’ as well. It was like the whole world of corporate working adults had gone crazy. Especially when Marine Parade road is right next to the ECP highway… & everyone wants to get on it. Thinking about it, I began to appreciate how wonderful it would be, to be able to simply walk to my workplace, just like Rebecca does every weekday morning. Just a short walk & the workplace appear within sight! How wonderful! The road is a scary place to be in the early morning, even when I’m not ON the road, but just ALONG the road.

The next thing surprised me – the bus stop near my house was packed with students! About 90% packed underneath the roof of the bus shelter! I had to squeeze to find a small spot to stand amidst the crowd of Victoria School students. What is the world coming to? Are people & things just getting faster & faster as this Earth continues to age? It’s crazy!

Unsurprisingly, the MRT was crowded too. I think I could just feel & sense the irritated mood of commuters, as all of us squeezed inside each train carriage. I saw grumpy faces, grouchy faces & sleepy faces around… & soon, I couldn’t help but feel irritated as well… coz it’s so contagious when so many people around you are just emitting ions of grouchiness!

Well, I did have my fair share of walking, coz I had to walk for 10 minutes to the MDIS building… reaching there so early that even the receptionists weren’t even there yet. Well, it’s good to be early, especially on my first day of work… but it feels odd, just sitting & waiting for people to arrive… each of them walking in & looking at this new face, sitting all by himself at the couch, early in the morning.

Soon, I was greeted by smiles from people whom I do not know… which made me wonder if these people are actually my soon-to-be department colleagues, who recognized me as the new staff, since MDIS’ HR asked me to e-mail her a softcopy of my photograph last week, so that she could e-mail to the entire department, announcing & introducing me as a new staff in their department.

Awhile later, Jade, my prospective department manager came out to greet me & show me to the office. It was a reasonable sized office, approximately the size of two classrooms, with about 16 staff working at this department. Most of the staff are female (not surprisingly) & I was glad to know that there were about 4 guys in this department… which is good, coz it’s really not easy working in an entire department FULL of females, as I had discovered in my previous job.

Jade seemed quite nice… though Gladys seemed nice at the beginning, before there was a department shift & I ended up working under her, then things started to change. I was still cautious, yet tried not to show it & learned from Jade & some of the colleagues about the duties of my new job scope.

The lady whom I was supposed to take over was Pey Ling. She seemed nice, though quite hyper… or bubbly, I would call it. She was young probably my age or slightly younger… & she has quite a good figure. In fact, she looked a bit like Rebecca’s friend Yong Lin. The most peculiar aspect about her was that she uses words like idiotic, stupid, etc when referring to certain steps & procedures about her job, which would soon become my job. That was an interesting observation of her.

This job had an interesting buddy system, which I liked… & my new buddy was a guy named Rashid Adam. I found this name strange, coz I haven’t often come across a Malay name & Eurasian / European name put together. Hmm… Anyway, I found him by far one of the most friendly & helpful in that department & I was glad to have him as my buddy in this job.

Soon, there was a short meeting organized for new staff by this consultant in this department… & about 6 of us attended this short meeting, where this man Kumar, shared with us about the topic of customer service.

There were two phrases shared in this meeting that I really liked. The first was about the statement that “The customer is always right”. Kumar shared that, “The customer always thinks he is right, but it isn’t always so… yet it is not our job to prove that he is wrong… coz if we win the argument, we lose the customer.” Quite interesting, though it sure painted that such customers are closed minded & not open to admit their mistakes, which could cost them a lot in future.

The second was about the statement, “The customer is king”. Of course, everyone knows that this is not true… but Kumar shared that, “… even if the customer thinks he is king, but he is not king… we do not go out of our way to show him that he is not…” Another interesting statement… though reflects very badly about the customer.

Then it was lunch time. I went to the canteen alone & met the new assistant manager there, so I took the courage to sit down, eat & chat with him. He had only joined a few days ago & was still in the learning stage, just like me. But he looked moody, so I asked him how he finds the place. He said it’s lousy. So I asked why he thought so. I’m not sure whether he heard my question, coz he didn’t reply a single word & just carried on eating, so I just left it as it is. The rest of the lunch together was awkward coz both of us didn’t know what to say to each other, besides the usual questions like where do you stay, is this your first job, how long do you take to travel to work, etc.

After we left the canteen, I strolled around the place to take a look at the library, bookshop & gym. The library gave me quite a bad impression coz it wasn’t cold & the array of books & shelves were just so scarce, compared to when I was studying at Singapore Institute of Management (SIM).

I was so shocked & wondered how on earth the students are going to have enough resources to do their research. Even when I was at SIM, my project team mates & I still had to visit NUS library, Jurong East library, Marine Parade library, as well as Temasek Polytechnic library to gather more resources! So this MDIS library really gave me a very bad impression. Seriously, if I was a student considering taking up an education course… I wouldn’t even consider MDIS. And it’s supposedly called MDIS UniCampus! Huh! I’m shocked!

As I toured around the ‘campus’ ground, I started to feel uncomfortable about working in this place. Sure, the environment is more casual coz there were more students than staff, so that makes more casually dressed people than those in formal attire, which creates a more relaxed atmosphere. But this place was boring! There’s nothing to do during the 1 hour lunch break! Even at the library, all the seats were taken up by students & there was no where else that I could sit to rest… much less even find a place to pray about my decision of whether to sign or not to sign the contract later!

I started to feel frustrated… & decided to call Rebecca, but she wasn’t available to pick up her hand-phone or desk phone. So I called my Mum, but she didn’t answer, maybe coz it’s lunch time. So I walked into the bookshop to take a look, wondering whether these are just the two places that I can go to, if I start work here… just the library & the bookshop. Other than that, there’s almost nothing else, besides the gym, which was small & located at some obscure corner of the ‘campus’ ground.

When I stepped inside the bookshop, suddenly my Mum called back & I went out to answer the call. We started talking & I told her that I’m feeling unsure about whether I should take this job, coz after spending an entire morning going through a summary of what my job scope is about, meeting my new colleagues, touring around the building compounds, eating at the canteen which only has like 6 or 7 stalls, of which 1 of them sells fruits & the another sells drinks… which means there are only about 5 stalls selling food. Everywhere else, except the classrooms, the small gym & offices were not air-conditioned & there is almost no where I can go to during lunch time! I feel like I’m stuck in this boring environment & there’s nothing to do & the job scope seems monotonous & boring to me! Plus, it wasn’t as if MDIS was paying me reasonably well anyway…

I kept telling my Mum that I can’t decide whether to take this job, coz I dun seem to find the job scope interesting… but of course, if I just see it as just a job to do & earn an income, then it would be easier to decide, based on this aspect as the benchmark. I was feeling very distraught & my Mum didn’t know how to advice me, except saying that if I don’t feel comfortable then don’t waste time & just come home. But I told her that I don’t know if I should give this up, coz I don’t know when the next job offer would come… yet I don’t feel at peace signing the contract, with those unfair terms & conditions.

Exasperated, my Mum told me to call my Dad, which I did & repeated all that I had said to him… only to hear him asking me thing like, “Do you like the job?” & “Do you want to do this job for one year?” I said that I don’t know coz I haven’t done it yet, but from what I discovered about it during the morning in the office, I didn’t find the work interesting & this place is boring.

Then I asked him if interest in the job is really important, compared to the need to get a job. My Dad said that it’s important to do a job that I want to do… yet I’m not sure, coz I have only been there for one morning & I’m not sure if my uncomfortable feelings are because I haven’t settled down in this place yet. But if I sign the contract & found out that the job is really unsuitable for me, then it would be too late to back out already. Plus, paying the hefty sum of 3 months pay & the awkwardness of quitting the job early, maybe even after a few weeks can be quite embarrassing & awkward…

In the end, my Dad also became very frustrated & told me that I really have to ask myself whether this is the job that I want to do… if not, just forget it & come home. Don’t waste too much time thinking too much.

Then I messaged Rebecca, she replied & we dialogued via SMS for quite some time. By then, it was already past lunch time & it was very awkward just sitting at my desk, messaging & messaging… so I left the office & went up the stairs to a corner of the building to continue our exchange of messages. I kept asking Rebecca whether I should do this just as a job & forget anything about interest, etc… even though it was quite clear that I didn’t find the job interesting & I didn’t like being trapped by the contract terms & conditions. I told her that I needed to make a decision fast, coz it’s already the afternoon & I needed to meet with HR very soon to sign the contract.

It was a very stressful time for me, coz there I was, in the midst of calls & messages between my parents & with Rebecca… & another part of my mind hoping that no one notices that I had left my desk for quite a long time already. Back at home, at least I still had my Dad (who is still currently unemployed) to discuss with, plus I can message Rebecca & her Dad, in the comfort of my home to seek their opinions about this matter. But here, I was all alone by myself, except the messages that I received from my parents & Rebecca. I felt so alone & so exasperated… fearing that the next second, HR will call my hand-phone & ask me to come & sign the contract. I didn’t know what to say, or what I should say… or how I should think… or how I should decide… I was just completely lost!

Some of Rebecca’s SMS include -

”Go with your heart, Dear. Thanks for the update. =) As long as you are comfortable about it…”

“Umm, as long as you are objective on why you take the job, should be okay if you take it. When you get to know people, it would be better.”

“Maybe starting out can. Guess you could treat it as a job. But you’ve got to be okay about it.”

But that’s the problem, coz I’m not okay nor am I comfortable about it! But I’m afraid of not having a job for an even longer period of time! I don’t know when the next job offer would come along…

Finally, I told Rebecca over SMS that I’m just going to call HR & see the contract first, & then decide. At the meantime, pray for wisdom from God. I was at the brink of frustration of not wanting to lose a job opportunity, yet I didn’t have any peace of going for this job at all. I had never felt so lost before in my life!

So I called HR & she told me to meet her at the reception area. I went to the toilet to wash my face & stood facing myself in the mirror, looking at what a sight I was… looking so flustered & distressed! I put my both hands on the wall & nodded my head low & said, “God! Please quickly tell me what to do! Show me a sign! Quick! I don’t know what to do!” After saying that, I looked up, still looking very crossed & walked out of the toilet. Thankfully, no one came in & saw me like that…

By the time, I had walked back to my desk, I was looking so distraught & perplexed that my boss, Jade, looked a bit astonished when she saw me walk pass, while she was taking a drink from the nearby water cooler. I quickly walked into the office, took my bag & quietly walked out. Rashid asked me whether I’m going home (which was indeed my intention), so I told that I’m meeting HR & quickly walked out.

I went to the reception area, sat down on the couch & waited… every single moment that I had, I was praying inside… straining to hear every bit of voice from God, if or when He spoke to me. I didn’t hear any… or maybe I was too scared that I couldn’t hear from God. Coz any moment HR would come down & I would need to make an immediate decision right then & there. It would all be over in a few minutes time… & my heart was throbbing & throbbing… with my mind feeling all tensed up, coz my decision would impact my life immediately.

Suddenly, I felt that my shoe laces were loose, so I bent down & tied them. After typing the shoe lace on my right shoe, I moved to tie the shoe lace on my left shoe. Just when I pulled the shoe lace taut, it BROKE! My shoe lace broke! Just like that! Maybe it was because I was feeling very tense & had accidentally exerted a lot of strength… that seemed reasonable (as I pondered about it in my mind), but at that moment when the shoe lace snapped, I was shocked… coz I found myself staring at the shoe lace, torn at both broken ends & stunned, as if it was like a sign from God… after all, I did ask for a sign from Him when I was inside the toilet begging & pleading for a word or a sign from Him… but strangely, the sudden breaking of the shoe lace seemed to have made a strong impression in my heart & I suddenly felt that I had to turn down this job offer. I couldn’t explain why, but I just felt it in my heart. Right at that moment, I knew… I just knew…

Of course, I was still feeling afraid, especially when I saw that HR Senior Executive walking towards me, then ushering me into a small meeting room to show me the contract. It was the same room as I had my first interview & also the same room as I attended that customer service meeting earlier in the morning. So it was like the start, the middle & now the end for me… all in the same room.

After explaining the contract to me, I realized that there were even more terms & conditions which I was reluctant to accept! Apart from the minimum one year commitment & 3 months pay compensation… there was also a statement that said that should for any reason I am dismissed from service, I would still be liable to pay these 3 full months pay! I was stunned! Any reason? You mean, if I didn’t perform up to expectation in this job, I could be asked to leave & still need to pay that 3 months pay?! And what if I had worked less than 3 months in this company? The same applies… how unfair! Ultimately for the good of the company & not a single bit for the prospective employee!

Furthermore, there was another thing that annoyed me. There was a clause that stated that upon termination of my service, I would not be allowed to work with another competitor organization or in any related field for the next 2 years!

I was stunned again… the next 2 years?! Then why the heck should I want to work in this organization, then after leaving, not being able to continue using my relevant work experience in another similar company in this industry? So I’m only allowed to apply my relevant work experience to MDIS alone?

This was clear that it was a clause to protect the company! Coz by the time the 2 years is up… I would have found myself in another job in a company of another industry! Why & how can I wait for 2 years just to re-enter this industry again? This legally binding regulation was as good as sentencing to death whatever relevant work experience that I had gained here at MDIS. I was so annoyed! But didn’t show it, of course… though I would think that my perplexed facial expression must have hinted something to this HR Senior Executive, coz she started to look worried.

I stared at the contract terms again, gathered my courage & told her that I’m not comfortable with these restricting terms & conditions in this contract. Then she & I spent the next few minutes ‘discussing’ about it… she explaining that it applies to all the staff in my department coz we are dealing with customer data… & the same rule applies to every staff… it’s important to stay long enough in a job to learn; whereas I was telling her how restrictive this rules are & doesn’t give the employee any flexibility to decide what’s best for him, even after discovering that this job is not suitable for him… etc. And each occasional passing moment of silence left me staring at the black & white words of the contract again.

My mind was in a war… a HUGE war inside. I kept praying to God, “Please! Please! Help me make the right decision… please!” Before, finally I managed to gather enough courage to tell her, “In that case, I’m afraid that I would have to take a pass at this job.” She finally relented, though looking downcast, coz it was obvious that I had wasted her time, after coming for two interviews, then learning about the job in the morning, meeting the colleagues, obtaining my staff pass & e-mail account… then only to say that I don’t feel comfortable about this job & leave in the afternoon. It was very awkward, but I felt that I would be lying to myself, if I had let myself give in to this awkwardness… at a greater cost & future expense.

I waited at the reception area, as she went to explain things to my manager Jade, which I believe was incredibly difficult, awkward & shocking to Jade & everyone else in that department. I felt very bad about everything, but I knew that I had made a decision & I had to stick to it, coz I felt that it was the right thing to do.

After shaking the hand of that HR Senior Executive, I apologized for the wasted time & effort… then walked out of the reception area… out of the building… & out through the guard house. Even as I walked out, I was still contemplating if I had done what was right… or was it just a moment’s folly due to the mental trauma that I had gone through for the past 5 days.

Then it suddenly dawned upon me that there is no need to question whether I felt peace from making this decision, coz I never felt peace throughout the time since I had been offered the job over the phone by MDIS.

It also wasn’t because of the hoax of the STU job interview… or any other job… coz I realized that all my unrest, loss of peace, frustration, anger & unhappiness was because of this job, not any other jobs. It was about MDIS all these while. Why didn’t I see it clearly before?

Furthermore, because of this incident with MDIS, I had brought much unrest, stress, tension, worry & frustration to my parents, Rebecca’s parents & Rebecca as well. How can I live with so much unrest? How can I bring so much loss of peace to the people closest to me? Clearly, this is the right decision that I had made… & I’ll try not to look back… coz it is just wrong that I commit to them, then suffer in silence… & tagging others along with me, for the next one year as well. It’s just not right… & I thank God for the courage & the wisdom to make the right choice.

Lastly, my Mum’s message made an impression on me too, coz I don’t recall her ever using an exclamation mark in any of her SMS before! And after I had told all 5 of them that I had turned down the job, my Mum replied with this message - “Too much! Good thing you did not sign. Forget it. Go home & sleep. Talk tonight.”

My Dad consoled me about my decision, when I arrived back home…, Aunty Molly was glad about my decision & Uncle John messaged me – “In that case, not very good condition. Try again.”

With the support & mutual agreement from both sides of parents, as well as Rebecca, I don’t think that I had made the wrong decision… Thank you, Lord. I still need a good job… please provide me with one. Thank you. Amen.